Behold, denizens of Earth… it’s the battle of the century, between 2 of the most fearsome powers the universe has ever fucking known… MichaelOoi attacks Mat Rempit (using Intelligence)!

MichaelOoi

Strength: 7 – I’m strong bebeh!
Agility: 3 – that’s because I’m old
Intelligence: 6 – I’m more experienced

MichaelOoi is a Giant Squid that breathes Ice Vapour, Fell from the Sky, has a mean Left Hook, a Humorous Nephew Sidekick and Staring Red Eyes, and is Sensitive to Noise.
——
When attacking:-
Strength: 8
Agility: 3
Intelligence: 6

Cold attack!

************VS.************

Mat Rempit

Strength: 4 – skinny fucks weak shits
Agility: 8 – they and their heavily modded crotch rockets
Intelligence: 4 – IQ equivalent of an exhaust pipe

Mat Rempit is a Giant Moth that shoots Laser Beams, has Black-and-White Stripes and a single Horn on its Forehead, can Leap Great Distances, and is Poisonous. – carbon monoxides are poisonous alright…
——
When defending against MichaelOoi:-
Strength: 5
Agility: 9
Intelligence: 5

MichaelOoi wins!

******************

Customize your own monster fight at http://thesurrealist.co.uk/monster

1) I called your lab extension but nobody answered. Is the phone not working or are you guys just a plain bunch of delinquent farts?
We’re a plain bunch of delinquent farts. We’re not answering any phone calls in the lab. Not unless if it’s something urgent.

2) How do you know whether it’s something urgent if you’re not answering the phone to find out?
We have this telephatic ability that allows us to link our brainwaves to the caller’s and assess, whether his/her business is for real. (hint: we have working cellphones)

3) Alright, so I’m suppose to call your cellphone if it’s something urgent. But what if I don’t know your cellphone number, Einstein?
Well, you can ask around the office… or your mom… or even your neighbours’ dogs… I don’t really care. JUST. FIND. THE FUCK. OUT.

4) What if it’s your boss calling?
Oooh I’m so fucking scared. Nope. Not going to answer.

5) Ok ok I got it. But may I ask why the sudden change in policy?
That’s because we’re sick of answering calls from idiots and dolts like you. Period.

6) If you’re sick of answering calls, why are you redirecting them to your cellphone? Technically, you’re still answering phone calls.
Simple, my cellphone has an ID recognition feature. If I see it’s coming from
a) identified idiots & dolts,
b) unidentified callers,
c) you,
I can always reject it. And I don’t have to walk that far. It’s conveniently located inside my pocket.

7) Then why bother having a phone inside your lab? Might as well cut it off.
The phone stays for a reason (hint: I said we are not taking incoming calls. But I didn’t say we are not making any OUTGOING calls). Besides, it’s really fun seeing people getting piss ass desperate when their calls gone unanswered for the whole day. (they’d just plod over to our lab only to find us relaxing inside…)

What if I keep calling the whole day? It’ll annoy the fuck out of you people inside the lab, ha ha.
Yeah, I’d probably answer. Keep trying. (hint: we did something to the volume)

Life is definitely easier without a ringing phone.

Imagine, your static ass toiling behind a trail of mess left by your mongoloid colleague… feeling tired and dejected, you decided to take a break by surfing over to some random blogs, and you stumble into this site:

http://www.rasamalaysia.com

Your eyes begin to well up with tears and veins pop out on your temple. Your heart rate increases and asshole puckers - when you see heaps of succulent food pictures there, enticing you to take a bite off them. In a split of a second, your head start to spin and when you reaches the breaking point of your sanity, you start to assault the ‘food’ out of sheer uncontrollable reflex - only to realize that it’s a boner and you being silly for trying to grab that hallucination of edible objects wickedly projected on that glossy WUXGA LCD screen. The food aren’t real. They’re there to make you go insane.

That was what happened to me a few days ago. Don’t visit that site at all cost. (unless you readily have a burrito or at least some pancakes within your reach)

I was googling for something off the net and stumbled upon an interesting question inside an FAQ page:

Question by Paula
Submitted on 3/5/2004

My cat just vomited blood and had a loose bowel movement with blood in it. I started putting a bowl of vinegar on the floor by the kitty litter box to control the odor. I think he may have drank some of the white vinegar. If he did, would it cause him to vomit blood or have blood in his stools?

Right below the question, was a box that purportedly allow just anybody to submit answers to Paula - about what happened to her cat. It’s like an FAQ forum sort of thing, and one needs no registration to submit an answer. I showed Paula the light by replying… anonymously…

your cat has testical cancer. Send him to the nearest oncologist for treatment. Alternately, you may also tie him with his balls pressed against an operating TV screen for 7 days and reinstall the Operating System in your PC.

That Paula must be a blonde. If her cat is hurling and shitting out blood, the last thing she should ever do is to post a question on the internet and wait for answers. She should have fucking gone to the vet instead. (Maybe she did… I wouldn’t know.)

But whatever happens, everyone knows that you can always rely on one solution —
reinstall the Operating System in your PC. Ahaks.

Tagged by Olivia.

4 things many don’t know:
- I once had a superficial blog as a girl before. got quite popular but was shutdown due to laziness factor.
- I had a homepage before blogging (have written several articles there).
- I was circumcised when I was 11. TWICE.
- I can swim using only 1 limb. Any limb.

4 movies I could watch over and over:
- Saving Private Ryan (watched it >5 times)
- Once Upon A Time In China trilogies (>5 times for each of them)
- Ronin (>5 times)
- the original Evil Dead by Sam Raimi (countless of times - but lost the DVD)

4 places where I’ve lived:
- Georgetown, Penang (1977 - 1980)
- Queenstown, Singapore. (1980 - 1983)
- Rifle Range, Penang (1983 - 1990)
- Air Itam, Penang (1990 - 1999)
read more about them - here

4 TV shows I love:
- The Simpsons
- Everybody Loves Raymond
- Malcolm in the Middle
- Whose Line Is It Anyway

4 places i’ve been for vacation:
- Austin, Texas (business trip, but i ventured)
- Hong Kong, SAR
- Beijing, China
- the whole of Singapore

4 of my favourite food:
from my previous meme…
- Sour Vegetable Stew
- Any Curry
- Salty vegetable soup
- Tomyam with big ass shrimps

4 places i would rather be:
- I like Austin, I’ve always wanted to move there.
- Phuket island, no shit, it’s one of the best places on Earth I’d rather be…
- I’ve always liked somewhere cold. The weather in London’s my cup of tea.
- Penang… for the food. where else?

4 favourite songs:
- Last Christmas by Wham! (yeah I know… corny… fuck you!)
- Careless Whisper by George Michael (I’ve been singing to this tune since I was 7)
- Love So Right by Bee Gees (oh god… I’d dig anything by Bee Gees… well, most of it)
- Don’t Look Back In Anger by Oasis (brings back memories. From ‘What’s the story morning glory’ album. Lost the CD in a car break-in a few years ago…)

4 others I wanna tag:
Ok, the 4 latest visitors (with a blog) who commented in MichaelOoi.net:
- NicEvil
- Silencers
- nicholas
- Unladen Swallow

Guys, you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to… it’s just a meme. Happy holidays.