I was at work drafting some process maps, and I ‘productively’ came up with this instead - some kind of a guide to help you guys to be a more prudent in spending (for gadgets and stuff)…

The more time you take to consider buying something for yourself, the more prudent you are. It’s really that simple.

MichaelOoi.net. Improving lives since 2003.

Source: Mingle2 - forwarded by Sasha

Well, I don’t exactly have 50 here… only 1, mine. That’s because I don’t have much free time on my ass (alright, I was lazy).

But it’s the raunchiest alright. NC-17, you can’t get any worse than that. That’s like, the equivalent of a midget porn site or something like that…

So how was your’s rated? If you have a blog, you may check it out at that URL there… and if you think your blog is worthy of the tag “50 raunchiest Malaysian blogs”, kindly post up your URL and rating in the commenting section… I’ll add it to the list.

01. michaelooi.net - NC-17
02. aisehman.org - NC-17
03. vbglau.blogspot.com - NC-17
04. cmos.textmalaysia.com - NC-17
05. tanyeehou.blogspot.com - NC-17
06. typlotion.blogspot.com - NC-17
07. hlco.blogspot.com - NC-17
08. mymagnificantlifenot.blogspot.com - R
09. littleraymond.blogspot.com - R
10. sashablablabla.blogspot.com - R
11. bongkersz.wordpress.com - R
12. shakyfish.blogspot.com - R
13. adrianang.net - R
14. cbljkkj.blogspot.com - R
15. coolclare.blogspot.com - R
16. hangmen13.blogspot.com - R
17. nickchan.net - PG-13
18. xenobiologista.com/blog - PG
19. jovialselamblurcow.blogspot.com - PG
20. angelc.blogspot.com - PG
21. xanga.com/nastyblue_myreflection - PG
22. thesilentroom.com - PG

I would like to gauge your opinions, people. But before that, you’ll have to read the scenario below first…

*****
There was this guy - ‘Guy A’. He is a very nice and good looking person. (This is actually irrelevant to the story. Just thought some of you girls might want to know that).

One day, ‘Guy A’ called up Citibank to request for an annual fee waiver for his credit card, which he had owned since the dawn of civilizations. But instead of getting what he duly deserved (the credit card annual fee waiver, dumbass), he was made to wait on the phone for 10 over fucking minutes and was bluntly (and rudely) turned down by a quasi-retard female executive with speech impediment.

Feeling really unhappy with the service, ‘Guy A’ decided to fucking cancel the card instead and be done with it. But before he could do that, he would have to pony up the remaining balance he owe to that super-ungrateful bank. So he wrote a cheque that day. He signed it like it was his divorce paper… full of resentment and hate.

When he was tearing the cheque slip from the book, he suddenly had an itch inside one of his nostrils. Acting purely on reflex (not that he’s a slob or anything like that…), he shoved his index finger into that itching nostril and scratched zealously to relieve it. The itch eventually subsided, so he stopped scratching and took out his finger. But to his bedazzlement, out came along with his finger was a rather humongous piece of dried mucus (read: booger). It was so big that he swore he could feel its radioactive rays pricking on his skin.

Because it was still a tad moisty, that piece of booger kinda stuck on his finger. He rolled it a few times to remove the moisture and it gradually turned into a oddly shaped ball. He then tried to get rid of it by flicking it off the balcony, but that stubborn little shit just wouldn’t budge a millimeter from his finger. It appeared that it was not dry enough to be flicked off just yet. He would have to roll a little bit longer… but the radiation of that thing was really icking him a lot, so he had no choice but to go for the alternative disposition option - the ’smear process’.

‘Smear process’ is quite a simple maneuver - one would just have to make that sticky booger to stick on something else instead of his own finger through the process of smearing (eg. dustbin, wash basin, underneath your boss’ desk, colleague’s car)

He looked around for an object to smear on, but unfortunately, he could not find anything that he could use. And then he looked around somemore, and finally, he saw that cheque he wrote to Citibank a couple minutes ago… and the idea struck him - he smeared that sticky big ass booger to the back of the cheque, enclosed it as part of the payment inside an envelope and mailed it to Citibank.

End of story.
*****

Now, on the scale from 0% to 100%, I would like you to rate ‘Guy A’’s act in terms of evilness. With 100% as the most evil, and 0% as the least. And if you would like to also state your opinion about the whole thing, please be my guest.

*This actually occurred to someone I know and he just wanted to find out if this is a violation of the human decorum or something. Nothing serious… (in case you’re wondering, no, I’m not ‘Guy A’. Believe me. Really.)

My out of office message :

Hi, thank you for your email. I’m sorry to inform you that the person that you’re trying to reach, Michael Ooi, is currently out of office… and will remain so from 17 Feb 2007 to 25 Feb 2007 (GMT +8) - on a mission to distribute humanitarian aids to the young & needy (in the form of monetary gifts pre-packed in red glossy envelopes) and participating late night conferences with his board of directors to discuss about world hunger.

During his absence, he will have no access to the company email and network - and his response will be delayed.

If you have anything extraordinarily urgent that needs immediate attention, you may contact following individuals for assistance :

[email address #1]
[email address #2]
[email address #3]

Thanks, and sorry for the inconveniences.
Michael Ooi’s email management robot.

Hhyeah, we’re gonna so intensely discuss about world hunger… fuck yeah.

You people have a good and happy Chinese New Year. And don’t drive like a pig.

Behold, denizens of Earth… it’s the battle of the century, between 2 of the most fearsome powers the universe has ever fucking known… MichaelOoi attacks Mat Rempit (using Intelligence)!

MichaelOoi

Strength: 7 – I’m strong bebeh!
Agility: 3 – that’s because I’m old
Intelligence: 6 – I’m more experienced

MichaelOoi is a Giant Squid that breathes Ice Vapour, Fell from the Sky, has a mean Left Hook, a Humorous Nephew Sidekick and Staring Red Eyes, and is Sensitive to Noise.
——
When attacking:-
Strength: 8
Agility: 3
Intelligence: 6

Cold attack!

************VS.************

Mat Rempit

Strength: 4 – skinny fucks weak shits
Agility: 8 – they and their heavily modded crotch rockets
Intelligence: 4 – IQ equivalent of an exhaust pipe

Mat Rempit is a Giant Moth that shoots Laser Beams, has Black-and-White Stripes and a single Horn on its Forehead, can Leap Great Distances, and is Poisonous. – carbon monoxides are poisonous alright…
——
When defending against MichaelOoi:-
Strength: 5
Agility: 9
Intelligence: 5

MichaelOoi wins!

******************

Customize your own monster fight at http://thesurrealist.co.uk/monster