Say, you suddenly have this wild idea of making your girlfriend/wife some breakfast, you know… to impress the shit out of her (because it’s her birthday or something like that).

You want it to be something good, not like a half assed effort of microwaving a cup noodle. Something more presentable. Like frying eggs. Yes. A presentable good looking eggs breakfast.

1) the eggs must not be over-fried… as such that the white part of the egg must not become a golden fritter.
2) the yolk must still in liquid form, not too raw nor too overdone.

I’m sure not many of you dweebs out there know how to fry a fucking egg… what more a good looking one (never mind about the taste, they all taste the fucking same anyway…). That’s why, you have me writing this entry here to help you out. Read on if you feel inferior already…

Equipments:
- A wok (or a frying pan)
- A gas stove (if you don’t know what’s a gas stove, go find the nearest toilet bowl, shove your head into it and flush)
- A wok chan (frying spoon)
- A virile male with affinity towards women and TV remote control

Ingredients:
- Eggs from a very good looking chicken
- Some cooking oil

Procedure:
Put wok (or frying pan) on gas stove.

Pour some cooking oil into the wok. Spread oil on wok. (if you have one of those non-stick wok/pan, skip the oil step. Just heat up your wok/pan)

Heat up wok/pan with a moderate level of fire. (if you don’t know how to switch the gas stove to moderate level, kindly ingest a box of thumb tacks).

Wait until oil becomes hot. (you can verify if it’s hot by touching the oil with your hand… or alternatively, you can just assume it’s hot when you see some faint smoke coming out of it).

Once oil’s hot, scoop up the excess hot oil from wok/pan using the wok chan.

Now turn off the stove fire and wait for wok/pan to cool down. (5 minutes would be ideal). This is to ensure that the wok’s not too hot to overfry an egg…

Crack open an egg and dump it’s content into the wok/pan. It should look something like the picture below. (if it doesn’t, swallow the wok)

Wait for 10 – 20 seconds, and flip over the egg to ensure even frying temperature on both sides.

Serve egg(s). You may add some soy sauce or salt to suit your taste.

The egg(s) should look as awesome as the picture below. (if it doesn’t, repeatedly stab yourself on the head with a screwdriver)

Notice the liquid yolk under the thin layer of cooked protein? Now THAT… is going to impress the shit out of your wife/girlfriend.

Here’s how it’ll look like when you puncture the yolk out with a fork…

Now leave the wok for her to wash… she should be thrilled enough to do it willingly without any complain…

MichaelOoi.net – makes your life better everyday…

Say, you’re dicking some dogs and just about when you’re losing the mood to even breathe, your stomach’s hungry. Usually, it shouldn’t be a problem for you since you can just excavate something off the heaps of junks inside your refrigerator… But because it’s Chinese New Year, you’re basically out of every instant food you can find.

That’s what happened to me. I was hungry and couldn’t find anything instant that I could eat. That was when I figured that I have no choice but to cook myself… some spaghetti. FAST. Gotta make it in 20 minutes, else I’m gonna fucking die out of starvation. And I did it with no sweat.

Since this is a feat that not many guys can achieve in his lifetime, I decided to do some good for you lazy bastards out there. I’m gonna share this millennium long secret of how to prepare an adequately filling plate of spaghetti in less than 20 minutes. Here it is, you’re welcome:

Step 1: Boil up a pot of water. Once boiled, dump in a handful of spaghetti. (doesn’t matter how much, just use your gut feel).

Step 2: Open up a jar of those ready made spaghetti sauce (you can get those off hypermarts or something). Pour it into a bowl. Now, get yourself a few sausages, or ‘bak kua’, then cut them up with a scissor into the sauce. Microwave the whole caboodle of it.

Step 3: While waiting for the spaghetti to cook itself out, go grab a beer and watch some tv. Return 15 minutes later.

Step 4: Sift off excess water from spaghetti and pour the sauce all over it.

Step 5: Eat. Belch. Fart.

It’s fast, it’s badass, it’s awesome. (who needs a cookbook?)

When it comes to food, I can say that I’m both adventurous and finicky. Adventurous because I dare to try anything that I think is interesting, and finicky because I can be very particular about the things that I put into my mouth.

Today, I achieved another milestone in my life venturing for exotic food. Scorpions and grasshoppers. Yep, the cool looking crustacean with hard carapace, and the green colored insect. May sound icky to most people, but in some Asian countries, both scorpions and grasshoppers are considered delicacies.

Anyway, back to the topic. Had my lunch at a local Thai restaurant today that serves both of these odd food. I first tried the grasshopper. Deep fried style… kinda dark brown in color. Initially, felt really reluctant to put that damn thing into my mouth, because I really do not like the way its abdomen looked. But when my buddies all ate one each, I felt compelled to try at least one as well – lest those guys would fucking laugh at my ass for being such a sissy.

So, I was like, holding the insect and looking at it, having shitloads of second thoughts. Then, when the pressure mounted to the boiling point, I forced myself to eat the grasshopper’s leg first. Tasted like nothing – albeit a bit crunchy. Then I ate the other leg… until it finally became a limbless grasshopper. And then I summoned every ounce of my courage and popped the whole thing into my mouth… chewing and trying to visualize myself eating a prawn. Surprisingly, the damn grasshopper tasted quite good. Just like a mantis prawn. Then I took another. And another. And eventually, was enjoying a few mouthfuls of them!

Alright, this kinda give me some guts to try out the next challenge. Deepfried SCORPION (I don’t know why the Thais like to deep fry their food)! The size of the scorpion was approximately the size of a nokia 8250 mobile phone, quite big. If the bugger wasn’t dead, the size of this thing would have sent me bolting out of the restaurant running for my life. Seriously.

Because it was such a dangerous creature, I decided to eat it’s stinger first – to disarm the bastard. In case it suddenly got resurrected and becomes a zombie scorpion… at least it won’t be able to use its stinger. The stinger tasted nothing special other than being crunchy. I then bit the scorpion into half (because it was too big, choking hazard)… and attempt to capture its taste by chewing. It tasted like some rubber glove… crossed with the taste of a type of shampoo that I accidentally ingested when I was a kid. Didn’t like the taste at all. But the pair of pinchers tasted quite ok though.

So, what do I think of them? Well, the grasshopper was a surprise, but kinda disappointed with the scorpion. The grasshopper looked kinda bad outside, but tasted good inside. The scorpion was the complete opposite. I was expecting it to taste like a lobster or something, but it tasted really awful. Maybe that scorpion I ate was diseased or something. Too bad I only had one to eat, no chance to confirm that.

Here’s the update list of exotic creatures that I’ve eaten before :

dog, flying fox, squirrel, python, wild cat, turtle, lamb, goat, iguana, ostrich, pigeon, wild boar, pangolin, canary, frog, clear water eel, arowana, fox, crawfish, rabbit, black panther, scorpion, grasshopper

Exotic animals that I have eaten before (to-date):
dog, flying fox, squirrel, python, wild cat, turtle, lamb, goat, iguana, ostrich, pigeon, wild boar, pangolin, canary, frog, clear water eel, arowana, fox, crawfish, rabbit, black panther