Archive for the ‘flashbacks’ Category

February 19, 2012

the muffin guy 2

I was looking around at a furniture fair the other day with Emily and Regine at a shopping mall, when I noticed someone staring at me from inside one of the jewelries shop nearby. It was a rotund young bloke behind a counter, with a diagonal comb over covering 30% of his face. He was standing amidst his group of female coworkers and was quick to look away when I started to notice him looking at me. He looked familiar, and I had to crank my aging brain hard where had I seen him before. It didn’t take long for me to remember, that he was the muffin guy – if you remember him. I blogged about this fuck stain four and a half years ago, when he was a teenager manning a muffin counter at a local hypermart. We had a little history of violence back when he was 10. Go read it here.

He must be in his early 20’s by now, and he has become a jewelry sales promoter. Still plump, overly fair in complexion, wearing an undersized long sleeved shirt embossing his muffin top (irony), and a perceived chic but revolting douchebaggy hairstyle. He first looked away and then pretended to be engrossed in a conversation with his female colleagues, probably exchanging tales about their dick sucking experience. I then pulled Emily’s sleeve and asked her to check out ‘the ah kua guy behind the counter’ – which she did and was kinda shocked when I told her ‘it’s the muffin guy’.

“Ohh, he’s so different now!” Emily exclaimed.

No shit sherlock. Used to be a fat kid with a waistline approximately 1 inch below the armpit. He used to look funny to me in a cute way. Now? He looked like he masturbates other guys’ dicks at night, and bluffs middle aged ladies to part with their money on overpriced jewelries during the day time. He sure looked different. And we relived the incident where I probably changed his life by teaching him the meaning of fear and pain with a ruler, which set his academic standards – albeit not very high – back on its inglorious path. His hairspray frenzy mom sure has me to thank for. I changed her son’s fate from being a hobo into an ah kua manning a jewelries counter. Not bad.

I was thinking, maybe I should have given that fucker a few more whacks, he’d probably be a lawyer by now… Oh well.

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December 28, 2011

2011 roll up

I said something about big changes in 2011, back in 2010. It was as if I had the ability to foretell something bad like some animals before a catastrophic event because, indeed, a lot of crazy shit have happened in 2011, which totally changed my life.

The shittiest of them all, was the passing of my mom. My mom died a tragic death. She had depression (for reasons unknown to us), and it culminated when she had a serious misunderstanding with her own siblings, and decided to end her own life. The day she died, I was questioned by relatives at home and policemen at the forensic department – what the fuck had I done? It was like, I had committed a crime against my own mother, despite being in shock and sad like shit. (they eventually found out the truth, and the matter was put to rest, along with my mother’s remains).

My mom’s actions nevertheless, seemed to have created a big impact in everyone’s life. She used to be the center of attention in her family, and now what she’s gone, it will never the same without her. The same goes for my daughter, Regine. Who used to have a grandma feeding her dinner and night talk before sleep, she could never understand why her grandmother had to suddenly leave like that. I tried to water down the bitter episode of the family by going for a vacation, hence the trip to Korea, to speed up the moving on. We’re coping up fine now.

All the personal issues aside, I had also been extremely busy with the job at Company Y – which came to be an all rounder, lack of budget, full of rustic people kind of job. I learned a lot through the process, but it also made me glad that I survived the day without being castigated for not doing something I wasn’t supposed to do. I have to start early (because of the traffic), and end late (because of the load). No backup, and no solid plan for a career growth. It’s like pulling weeds in the field. Weeds never stop growing and assholes never stop barking for not pulling enough weeds. I don’t think I could last long in this kind of environment.

I hope 2012 will be a better year.

michaelooi  | flashbacks  | 10 Comments
May 29, 2011

stupid gift

My daughter had been pestering me to buy her a music box for days. Because her birthday is drawing near, I decided to give in to her request and brought her to the nearest mall to find one during the weekend. That was why I ended up looking around in one of the gaudy gift shops – and spotted this hideous piece of shit here :

Sorry for the poor image quality, as I was in a frantic mode and was doing it quick because I wouldn’t want to be caught dead snapping the picture of this thing here. But you know what it is. It’s a fucking kerosene lamp cheapened by the color red. This fucking thing actually brought back memories when I was a teenager. Shocking as hell, I received one during Valentine’s Day, and I don’t remember from whom it was. I can only recall being so irked by it, that I immediately tossed it into a dustbin and let off a spasmodic shiver.

I mean, what the fuck do I do with it? To actually light that thing up with kerosene?? And then what?? Smoke a pipe of opium with it?? It doesn’t make any sense! I could probably use a thousand and one thing out there in this world, but this?? It’s fucking insulting. So, to you teenage stupid fucks out there, don’t buy something like this as a gift to someone. It’s stupid. Get something practical instead. Like a USB flash drive, or perhaps a set of Meguiar car care products…

michaelooi  | flashbacks  | 10 Comments
December 30, 2010

2010 roll up

I have to admit, I haven’t been particularly fond of 2010. You see, I’m a guy who pines for mediocrity, who likes to play things safe. I’m the kind of person who avoids interaction, calculate my steps ahead, plan for my outings right to the idea of where to park the goddamn car, et al. If you look at it in an angle, you can say that I am suffering some mild variant of OCD crossed with a partial mental condition of being antisocial (with a little hint of Tourettes). Yeah I am like that.

So, naturally, when I left Company X with that large sum of VSS payout, I immediately tumbled into a vortex of darkness. Being somewhat of a ‘going alone’ kind of guy, going around for interviews wasn’t particularly my idea of having fun. So, it didn’t take very long for depression to set in. I had insomnia, and I even dreamnt about some of the douchebags I met in the interviews ruining my shit. I started to develop this feeling of weariness, of the need to suck ass, just so that the douchebag on the other side would hire me.

Anyway, I bummed for a total of 1 perilous month that felt like forever before I found a job at this place which I named as Company Y – a fast paced MNC that squeezes its employees over and over like an overused giant sugar cane machine. But in between the tremendous pressure and inadequacy, I have done more useful stuff in 3 months than I ever did at Company X in a year. So, in some aspect, I am grateful that I am learning and progressing – but on the other, I’m kinda sad that the quality of my life actually tanked (which I don’t want to talk about).

So much about my career. My daughter Regine turned 4 this year. She started to dine and talk to us like a regular person. She’s able to speak fluent English and Mandarin now, and a little bit of a couple of dialects. She’s also kind of self sufficient – which is somewhat a relief for both Emily and I – being able to flip switches around the house on her own, go to the toilet without needing any assistance, switch her own channels on the TV, doing her own shit at her own time and in some extend, even uses my computer to entertain herself. I reckon that it won’t be long before I’d need to buy her a computer. I’d say my little girl’s growing up a bit too fast. I’m finding it hard to catch up.

I guess that’s about it. 2010 was all about big changes for me. Didn’t enjoy it. Don’t feel like talking much about either.

There will be no resolution for the new year. I might do something about that feeling of weariness that keeps growing every day though, and if I do, it’s going to be an even bigger change than that hellish period of ultra fucked up uncoolness. If that happens, I’d definitely write about it. But until then, I’d continue to wallow around until I find light, and hopefully, get my life back.

Happy fucking new year. Don’t drink and drive.

michaelooi  | flashbacks  | 16 Comments
December 19, 2010

80’s HK swordsmen drama

The world according to 80’s Hong Kong swordsmen TVB drama

1) Everyone has the same great straight hair, uniformly bundled/tied the same standard way with killer sideburns. There’s no balding issue, split ends or dandruff problems.

2) If a person happens to sport an unconventional hairstyle or is half bald, he is one of the bad guys.

3) If you ever get critically injured in a swords fight, you can always get help from the forgotten old hermit fuck who lives near a cliff out-of-town, and ask him to heal your injuries with his Chi palms placed strategically on your back until some smoke comes out from your head.

4) If you see a guy with long overly white gleaming hair (like Saruman in The Lord Of The Rings) and luscious eyebrows, chances are high that the guy has mad skills in kung-fu. Do not mess with him at all cost.

5) Every hot chick the hero likes has a jealous cousin or a loser admirer who always have the inclination to cooperate with the guy with white hair (see #3 above) to ruin the hero’s shit.

6) Every general or high ranking officer in the emperor’s army has a hot daughter or an impetuously stupid son.

7) The best kung-fu is learnt from an ancient forgotten book waiting to be found (and there are many of them), not from a kung-fu master. But if you have comprehension problem that makes you misinterpret the ancient book (never mind physically fit to learn kung-fu), you could get seriously deviated and become a deranged mad evil fucker (dubbed as ‘run fire + possessed by evil’)

8) If you are seriously stressed or mentally drained after getting dumped by your childhood girlfriend, you can get a life changing moment by meditating for 10 years in an isolated cave without food/water, and getting +500 points for your kung-fu skills and wisdom.

9) A guy’s traits and character can be proportionally reflected by his facial hair. Long beard, wise. Dense and thick beard, badass. Thin mustache, chicken ass pervert. No beard, immature. Unshaved bristles, hardcore laborer or been-through-hell.

10) The robed guy with a big straw hat and black veil is a stealthy assassin with mad kung-fu skills and speaks in a hushed tone. Everyone in public will get suspicious of him, except the loser he intends to kill.

I happened to lay my eyes on an old Hong Kong swordsman drama on Astro the other day, and some nostalgic memories came wafting in – the time when I was just a kid watching VHS tapes with my mom. I wonder how many of you guys have been through that… or is it just me.

michaelooi  | flashbacks  | 10 Comments