Archive for the ‘experiences’ Category

November 14, 2003

visit to the chiropractor

I went to have my leg massaged by a traditional Chinese chiropractor yesterday. The place was located at a ghetto neighborhood and I was quite uncomfortable with some the dipshit customers there. Amidst the rude stares, I felt like I was not really welcomed there. Or perhaps it was just me – like, it’s the 21st fucking century goddamn it! What the fuck am I doing here in some uncertified self-proclaimed Chinese ‘doctor’ here??

Anyway, it was quite a crowd last night and I had to wait. Since it was in the residence of the doctor, all of us were made to wait in his living room, together with his family. The only thing to do, was to watch some stupid show on the TV… and the Chinese witch doctor’s obnoxious son running around. Mom and Emily were chatting by themselves, and I was all by myself. So I was kinda like switching my attention around – looking at weird people, watching stupid TV and amuse myself watching a kid pulling stunts. I was bored.

Then came this really weird teenage girl. The girl had a really high pitched voice, I could already hear her voice before she even made her appearance. She came barging in like there was something really urgent going on and started to rummage through the living room. It didn’t quite look like an emergency to me because she was giggling while doing it. I wasn’t quite sure what was that all about but, she got my attention alright. She’d rummage for about a few minutes before she finally found what she was looking for – a weighing scale. (WTF???)

As if it’s not bizarre enough, the girl then plopped the scale right in front of the TV (obscuring the view) and weighted herself right in front of everyone. She then gave out an even bigger giggle and remarked “Oh… I gained some weight! I wasn’t that heavy yesterday!” Yeah, must be the grass growing inside her head. I was thinking, FUCK – if she really wanted that much attention, she could have stripped herself naked and take a hike somewhere. It wouldn’t have been looked so fucking desperate.

Anyway, my turn came after waiting for approximately 15minutes. The chiropractor turned out to be a young chap in his early 30’s. I explained to him in detail about my injury and problems. Looking quite confident – he began his work by giving me a series of massage on my left leg. After about 5 minutes, he asked me if I felt any better. When I told him it was all the same, he got upset. Then he tried a different way of doing it… and repeated the same question, and I replied the same thing again — it’s the same. It was as if he’s tuning my like some sort of mechanical device… and asked me if he’d fixed it. FUCK.

But he never could ‘fix’ it. Then he stood up and went across the room and got himself this extension cord. My mom panicked and whispered to me “I think he’s going to electrocute your leg!” and gave me that this really concerned look. She scared me of course, and if such was the case – I would have chosen to peel off instead. But luckily, the power cord was just for a heating machine to heat up my knee join, to assist blood circulation – he said.

I was made to sit there with that heater thing baking over my knee joint while he continued his chiropractic work on other patients. Quite interesting I must say… to be able to see him twist limbs and bones of various kinds of ailments. He seemed to be quite skillful seeing as a third person what he did – but still, unable to solve my knee problem. The heater treatment was a flop. That was when the chiropractor gave up and bade me good luck.

And that was it. The chiropractor couldn’t solve my knee problem. Wasted my time there. FUCK. What is wrong with my knee??? Sigh.

michaelooi  | experiences  | Comments Off
November 7, 2003

durian

I finally bought my first durian today. Most of the time, I am a backup durian ‘opener’ and a very active eater… but never had I bought a durian before.

Perhaps some you guys out there have something to say about my inexperience. But you can’t blame me for that… for I was brought up to believe that all the durian peddlers in this world are crooks and conmen… and they can never be trusted. They will always say that they have the best durian ever, but these people only say that to make you part with your money for an inferior durian… They are ruthless daylight ruffians…and we are gullible little shits that always go to them to get ourselves cheated. Fuck.

Anyway, I finally had my first experience of buying durians. 7 small durians for 8 bucks. Only 3 of them were good, the rest were as hard as fake erasers. Not too bad for a first timer. At least I was not conned much. Only a few bucks.

I can’t help but think that buying durians is very much like gambling. You dump your money to the durian peddler in hope to get back its worth with a good buy. The durian peddlers on the other hand, will solicit their fruits by all means necessary… and they will let you sample their best fruit as an assurance. But none of that can guarantee that you will get the best durian. Everything still lies at the tip of your own knife… and you can only tell after opening the fruit yourself, whether it’s a good buy or not.

Well, my colleague BigSnake claimed that one can actually tell if a durian is good by shaking its content and take a deep whiff of its smell. If you can feel something moving inside the durian when you shake it, that would mean… the flesh is hard. Probably not a good durian. But if it is all solid (nothing moves) when you shake the fruit, then it is likely that the durian is good – squishy and soft.

I’ve tried the suggested method that day, but it felt all the same to me. Maybe those nasty thorns distracted my observation. That’s why I resorted to the simplest and the most direct way – I asked the durian peddler – “Hey… are you sure your durians are good? Honest? Don’t fuck me ok? Or I will barf out all the bad durian from my mouth and return it to you for refund.”

“Trust me man… guarantee good one. I own the orchard myself… trust me…”

He only lived up to his words by 50%. But I was ok with that though… 8 bucks for 3 good durians is still acceptable… a good price to buy myself an experience. At least I can now proudly exclaim to everyone while holding my head up high – “I bought some durians before… and it was not too bad”

michaelooi  | experiences  | Comments Off