Archive for the ‘enlightenments’ Category

March 8, 2020

aunty

I was talking to my colleagues about some bitches in Company T, and I casually referred to the individual as ‘aunty’ (it was actually in Hokkien – “Lau Ee”. But it roughly translates to the same meaning). One of my colleagues, intrigued, asked me

“Dude, you kept referring to that girl as ‘aunty’, but to me, she’s still too young to be referred as such. So what’s your actual definition of ‘aunty’?”

For the record, that particular person was in her mid 30’s.

“You’ve got to be kidding me man. You really have to ask this?? Have you been eating leaded paint chips when you’re little??”

One will be automatically become an aunty if she meets any of the following criteria:
– one is over the age of 30
– one who is already married, regardless of age
– one already has given birth to a child
– one who is perceived as a biznatch/bitch, regardless of the age.
– one who is annoying according to you

I have spoken.

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February 6, 2020

MJ

I’m sure most of you people know who Michael Jackson was (duh!)… But do you know that the name ‘Michael Jackson’ could take a totally different meaning in Penang? If you have not already experienced this, don’t be surprised when you hear a waiter/waitress holler out loud “Michael Jackson!” in a local food court or coffee shop – for he/she does not mean to call someone who shares the same name as the dead megastar, but it’s a name of a popular drink of soya bean milk with herbal jelly (local calls it ‘cincau’). Who came up with the name, I am not sure, but it would sure to get one ponder as to why they came up with the name. Was it for the ‘Black or White’ song? Or his known condition with vitiligo? I guess we’d never know. Here’s the picture of it in case you do not believe me…

Michael Jackson

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September 8, 2019

Penang mainlanders vs islanders

If you’ve been to Penang or know someone from Penang, I’m sure you’ve heard the term – mainlanders and islanders. Referring to the Penang dwellers who are from the mainland on the peninsula, versus the dwellers on the island. Non-Penangites would ask, is there a difference between mainlanders and islanders? Aren’t they all the same? Most Penangites would avoid that question like a plague. The truth is, there is a ‘perceived difference’ among the Penangites. It is thought that the mainlanders, are the bunch of least urban or uneducated people, and they are mostly perceived as less well-to-do. i.e. they’re the hillbillies of Penang.

How come? One would ask. It’s because the city and capital is on the island. In the old days, this means only the well-to-do’s are all located on the more happening island. The demographics on the island comprised of businessmen, professionals, skilled workers, government servants, just like any big city – while the mainlanders are mostly farmers or laborers who lived in cheaper and smaller houses/shanties on the mainland with more pastures for their farm animals and stuff (where do you find pastures in Georgetown, you numb nuts?) So that’s how the stigma began. Mainlanders = hillbillies.

But in the modern days, this is no longer true. The hillbillies have since fanned out and spread across the country like a plague, and a lot of them have called themselves ‘the islanders’, simply because they’ve earned a few bucks from the sale of their buffaloes. Now, they look down upon their comrades who are still on the mainland, and even those well-to-do’s who moved there to exploit the cheaper price of bigger houses, and these island hillbillies even had the gall to label them “the hillbilly mainlanders”. It’s like a pot calling kettle black. The island is just a place, the people are the same. The fact now is, the whole Malaysia is now full of mainlander hillbillies. There are no more islander left, except maybe me.

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June 29, 2019

michelin star

I wonder why people are so obsessed with Michelin Stars. Do you people even know how stupid the system is? It doesn’t make a restaurant special, having Michelin Star(s). I’ve personally been to a couple and trust me when I say, they’re bollocks.

If you think about it, it’s just a publication of food recommendation by a tire company. That’s like a carpenter giving you theology lesson (hey… wait a minute…). It started out way in the old times when internet was not ‘invented’ yet, so this tire company published a magazine recommending restaurants to encourage people to drive around. You see, even back then, they already had the incentive to be deceptive, because the primary motivation of the guide had not been about good food – but to encourage people to move around, so that they get good tire sales. See my point?

Now fast forward to today, why the hell do we need such guide based on a bunch of people from a tire company? You have the internet and the sea of information, where people can freely dispense their opinions and reviews about a restaurant (and all other kinds of business, for that matter) to give you this idea of how good it is. You get pictures, no holds barred write ups, and unfiltered information 24/7. If it’s bad, it’s going to get bad rating, aggregated across all the people who give a deign to put in a review. Isn’t that so much better than a seriously flawed walled-garden Michelin Star system? Why trust the selected few French fucks when you can trust everyone in this world you live in with? You get fucking google/facebook/tripadvisor/foursquare/etc honest stars… and it’s free. Isn’t that so much better? But you guys have to pick Michelin Star and make that selected few go smug about their meaningless achievement, and get the shit passed down to your stupid ass in the form of overpriced food and underfilled plate.

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April 1, 2019

Penang lingo

Say, you walk along a stretch of eateries in Penang, and you see this sign in front of a beverage stall.

It says “hot(s)”… which means hot drinks, small size. Alright, very straight forward. Then there’s of course, “hot(b)”… hot drinks, large. Ok.
There’s also “cold”, no size option though, just iced… hmmm… Then there’s this odd thing called “park” (see pic above). What the fuck is “park”? They charge your drinks with your parking fee??

Ahaa… adik-adik sekalian… that’s a Penang lingo. It literally means, ‘tied’ in Hokkien. Doesn’t mean shit in that context but it is understandable that when you buy something from a beverage stall, or any stall that sells drinks in Penang, “park” means ‘take-away’ here. You see, the way we ‘take-away’ our drinks in Penang (or Malaysia), is to tie a raffia string to the side of a plastic bag containing the drink, and you can guess why it is called “park”. No styrofoam or cardboard cup bullshit, just plain old plastic bag. Full phrase is called “park piya” (tied at the side, straw on the other side), or “park ka liao” (tied completely, straw packed separately). If it’s just “park”, the default should be tied to the side, straw sticking out.

I don’t have a picture of it here, but you can head over to this page, item #6 – https://www.theodysseyonline.com/10-fun-facts-malaysia

So why the hell is it more expensive then? Because of the volume, my friend. A “parked” drink has about 20 – 30% more content, inclusive of the ice of course… But this is of minuscule in scale if compared to say, a grande sized Starbucks coffee… which could buy you around 5 – 6 packs of “parked” (and more superior) iced coffee…

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