As Christmas and New Year Celebrations are nearing, there are many employees will be eagerly wanting to put up Christmas and New Year decorations in and around the office space. Please take note there are a few guidelines that need to be adhered to. Attached with this email are 2 corporate guidelines for your reference [see below]. These guidelines for the workplace decorations and non-business equipment in the workplace are provided to all for your reference. Please be reminded that these are corporate guidelines and must be adhered to strictly. Non compliance will have these items removed from the office space and cubicles.

If you have any queries, please do not hesitate to send your questions to ['Company X' Facilities email].

Once again lets work together towards a better working environment.

Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.

Regards,
‘Company X’ Facilities.

attachment:
THE ENFORCEMENT OF WORKPLACE DECORATION GUIDELINES IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF ALL ‘COMPANY X’ MANAGERS.

Workplace decorations should NOT:
- Include decorative lighting (e.g. Christmas lights, neon signage, etc.).
- Include table lamps or other non-approved lamp and lighting fixtures.
- Emit noises or sounds that create distractions for co-workers or customers.
- Block thermostats, air conditioning vents, or light fixtures.
- Be hung from the windows, doors, hard wall surfaces, ceiling grid, light fixtures or sprinkler heads, either for promotional or personal reasons.
- Block or impede access to fire extinguishers or other life/safety equipment.
- Block aisles and corridors.
- Utilize any type of confetti.
- Utilize helium balloons.
- Utilize lit candles or open flames of any kind.
- Encroach or infringe upon those who choose not to participate.
- Extend vertically above employee workstations.
- Utilize adhesive tape or stickers on walls, columns, doors, windows or furniture.

Decorations used in celebrations or recognition should be promptly removed immediately following the event (for example; sales events, birthdays, etc). Only ‘Company X’ Facilities approved artwork is permitted to be displayed, mounted, hung or placed on hard wall surfaces including, but not limited to conference rooms, aisles, hallways, team rooms, labs and general common areas. Artwork includes framed and non-framed items including photography, poster art, prints, originals, banners or other visual paraphernalia for display purposes.

Decorations are fucking prohibited. Period.

Dear Friend,
As you read this, I don‘t want you to feel sorry for me, because, I believe everyone will die someday. My name is Muhammed Al-hakim a merchant in Dubai, in the U.A.E. I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer. It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts.

I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I never really cared for anyone(not even myself) but my business. Though I am very rich, I was never generous, I was always hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world. I believe when God gives me a second chance to come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it. Now that God has called me, I have willed and given most of my property and assets to my immediate and extended family members as well as a few close friends. I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul so, I have decided to give also to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth.

So far, I have distributed money to some charity organizations in the U.A.E, Algeria and Malaysia. Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore.

I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization in Bulgaria and Isreal, they refused and kept the money to themselves. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for them.

The last of my money which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of fifteen million dollars $15,000,000,00 that I have with a Security Company abroad. I will want you to help me collect this deposit stashed in a diplomtic box and dispatche it to the less priviledged and hungry.I am failing in health and i have been restricted to a solitary life by the doctors till i die.

I have set aside 30% for your time and service and expenses.

N.B:dear friend, please do reply to my alternate email address only: malhakim@albaha.cc , for a faster response

Dear Muhammed, son of a camel,

as rich as your cancerous ass can be, I can’t help but feel sorry for you. There are only SIX zeros in a million, moron… you should probably learn arithmetic before you die.

Team,
Please be reminded that there are some people who cannot tolerate the smell of durians. They will fall sick from the smell. As such, take note that durians are not allowed to be in the office.

Thank you for your understanding & cooperation.

a) I do not have a daughter that goes by the name Lady P…

b) I’m only 28 years old, and if at present my daughter’s at the age of needing a lawyer, I would have already been her father when I was still schooling - which, I totally have no recollection of.

c) I’m absolutely positive that my daughter doesn’t have an email address, yet. Well, she might be keeping a secret email account out of my knowledge, but I don’t think she’d do that to me. (that’s because I’m the one who bought her milk powder and she’d still be needing me to wipe her yellow poo out of her 14 days-old tush)

After counter verifying the facts with my wife and doctor (in case I had any known case of amnesia due to work depression), I vehemently believe that one of you girls might have copied your mail to the wrong address (my address), and mistaken me as your father (I hope I’m right about this…)

Dear Mr. Michael,

I work in an Ad Agency and I have some clients who are interested in investing in blogging. I read about your profile in The Malay Mail last weekend and I thought it would be great if we could meet up for a short discussion on business development in the Blogging Segment.

My meeting with client is scheduled on Friday, 16 June. Is it possible for us to meet up before that? Please give me a call at [cell phone number] or [office number].

Thank you and best regards.

I’m sorry [ad agent], I’m afraid I can’t make myself accept this deal of your’s. I don’t deserve this. Really.

You see, the cream of my blog usually involves mocking of other people, indiscriminate use of profanities and sometimes, even preach impertinent acts amongst the youngs - which totally escapes me why would anyone with a sane mind would think my blog has prospects in endorsing business of any kind…

It will only be too inhumane of me to accept this deal and later to let you discover the hard way that I’m that much a consummate dick like any ubiquitous credit card salesmen you see in shopping malls. For the best of us both party, I’ll have no choice but to politely ask you to fuck off instead.

I’m sorry that I may have missed a once-in-a-lifetime golden opportunity to make myself a billionaire by replying your free yahoo email address. Maybe someone else who deserve this better and with a wee bit more of an ethic would make a better chance out of this…