Archive for the ‘e-chats’ Category

November 16, 2005

cow & chicken

It has been some time since there’s any stranger messaged me in ICQ. I got one yesterday, who claimed to be someone I know… but I wasn’t sure… here’s the log…

[22:02] racheal: hi. I don’t understand with your “quote’ .. ehehe
[22:02] michael: erm who’s this
[22:03] racheal: ur net friend la`
[22:03] michael: you’re not in my ICQ list … can you perhaps refresh my memory?
[22:03] racheal: Oppsss…. :(
[22:04] michael: you my ex girlfriend or something? i lost my memory in an accident, you see … i was saving a little kid and got hit by a train
[22:05] racheal: oh… pity guy. so u oledi recover?
[22:06] michael: yes yes… so may i know who’s this? how we met? how you looked like? whether you have big boobs? etc etc?
[22:08] racheal: Hmm.. racheal is here, u may call me Rac, we never meet up before .. I’m just ur normal icq friend only
[22:09] michael: oh racheal… hi racheal. nice to meet you again. though i don’t quite remember our encounter. Sorry.
[22:10] racheal: is ok . actually I’m not quite rmber also but since u r in my list that’s y I send msg to u
[22:10] michael: Oh ok …. So, what about this “quote” thing you mentioned ?
[22:10] racheal: Momma has a Chicken, Momma has a Cow, Dad was proud, Didn’t care how
[22:11] michael: Oooh… that was a popular saying made by the famous wiseman called Confucius. It confused you … didn’t it? that’s the trick… hahah
[22:12] racheal: :-P ok la. brb
[22:12] michael: see ya …
[22:13] racheal: sure
Hmmmm… people are getting more and more ‘interesting’ nowadays…

Update 11/17
Here’s a few more chat logs in the past that I haven’t published before:

*****

[23:03] anonymous1: hi
[23:03] michael: hi…
[23:03] anonymous1: mind to intro?
[23:03] michael: yes,…
[23:05] anonymous1: then?
[23:05] michael: you asked if I mind … I answered yes … so, what else are you expecting?
[23:06] anonymous1: ok, sory
[23:07] michael: no problem …
*****

[22:02] jane: hello
[22:02] michael: hi… who’s this ?
[22:02] jane: i’m jane.
[22:03] jane: can we b friend?
[22:03] michael: cannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
[22:03] jane: what’s ur race?
[22:04] michael: Oh … I’m a Bangladeshi ….
[22:04] jane: oic.
[22:04] jane: where do u live?
[22:05] michael: i live inside my house, jane.

She stopped messaging after that…
*****

[23:39] anonymous2: * poke *
[22:39] michael: owwhh
[23:40] anonymous2: *poke summore *
[22:40] michael: owwwhhh owwhhhhh wweeeeoooeeeoooweee
[23:45] anonymous2: bloggin ah
[22:46] michael: who’s this ?
[23:46] anonymous2: your blog reader looz
[22:46] michael: nick please
[23:46] anonymous2: anonymous2 [i edited the nick as anonymous2]
[22:47] michael: nope, never seen your nick before. are you sure you’re not one of the african spammers?
[22:47] michael: black money scam and all that
[23:47] anonymous2: African… I get that alot (hurt)
[23:48] anonymous2: scam also no scam you ler. read from your blog you ngam ngam just clear your credit card :P
[22:49] michael: i think you made a mistake girl … i cleared my credit card a week ago… and i never blogged about it. you sure you’re messaging the right person?
[23:50] anonymous2: a week ago is not ngam ngam meh? heh friend of Dr. Liew ma right
[22:52] michael: drliew has a lot of friends… conmen, tranvestites, etc … the scope is simply too big. fishy, i never blogged about me and my credit card … better tell me, who are you ?

And I never got any reply back from her after that… freaky…
*****

michaelooi  | e-chats  | 14 Comments
September 13, 2005

stamp stamp

Received a pop up from a stranger in my ICQ … (name was changed to protect the endangered Bengal tigers…)

[20:42] licklick : Hello , I am licklick from Seremban .Can I be your friend? I am the one who crazy for stamps, maybe we can exchange it. What do you think? Hope to hear from you. Thx!

[20:44] heavenly (my androgynous nick in ICQ) : licklick … stamps are outdated now. Perhaps, you might want to switch to collecting USB drive keychains instead…

[20:44] licklick : hmm….I just like stamps

[20:44] licklick : It is ok, thx for reply me. Bye

[20:45] heavenly : Ok, hope you get plenty of fun licking them.

I collect dust and zits nowadays.

michaelooi  | e-chats  | 13 Comments
June 3, 2005

a rubber camera with lube

I took some photographs of my notebook and sent it to a curious friend… who wanted to buy a brand new notebook that is the same model as mine… (friend’s name was changed to protect her innocence…)

[21:56] abc : wat camera u used to take tht pic?
[21:57] michael : ixus500
[21:57] michael : u want pic of its display ?

I was offering to get a couple more snapshots of the notebook display…

[21:58] abc : sure if u can take
[21:58] abc : i can check out the quality of cam also

The pic turned out distorted, and I was kinda lazy to take more shots… so I fabricated some “techie” excuse to save myself some work…

[21:59] michael : hmmm ,,,
[21:59] michael : cannot
[21:59] michael : the pixels and light frequency conflicted
[21:59] michael : turned out like shit
[21:59] michael : anyway … enough to give u an idea about 700m lah …
[21:59] michael : very solid

She dug my explanation.

[22:00] abc : yeah very hard to take a pct of the display on comp right
[22:00] abc : i tried before too
[22:00] abc : im using durex camera

I was bewildered. Never had I heard of a Durex camera in my life…

[22:02] michael : durex ?
[22:02] michael : that’s a condom brand
[22:02] abc : pentax

I almost died laughing.

michaelooi  | e-chats  | 7 Comments
March 24, 2005

plain bad

And this is just plain bad …

[3/24/2005 11:03 PM] Hello : Hi
[3/24/2005 11:04 PM] heavenly : hi
[3/24/2005 11:06 PM] Hello : whr a u fm
[3/24/2005 11:06 PM] heavenly : dsa jhhfs hjfd iehk

I got like 4 – 5 strangers messaging me tonight. The wake of the living dead night. Must be the wookie joke.

michaelooi  | e-chats  | Comments Off

cariss missing an ‘a’

It’s Cariss again…

[3/24/2005 8:42 PM] Cariss : Hi
[3/24/2005 8:42 PM] heavenly (my androgynous nick in ICQ) : hi cariss
[3/24/2005 8:42 PM] Cariss : Carissa with A
[3/24/2005 8:43 PM] heavenly : u commented as cariss .. right ?
[3/24/2005 8:43 PM] Cariss : U renamed me to Cariss
[3/24/2005 8:43 PM] Cariss : I’m just following your convention
[3/24/2005 8:44 PM] heavenly : cariss sounds nicer …
[3/24/2005 8:45 PM] Cariss : whatever suits your fantasy
[3/24/2005 8:46 PM] Cariss : Do you prefer ppl to call you Michael Ooi or Michael Oo?
[3/24/2005 8:46 PM] heavenly : i prefer people to call me darling
[3/24/2005 8:46 PM] Cariss : my hair are standing on end… issit me feeling cold or issit your statement
[3/24/2005 8:47 PM] Cariss : remember, i hv hirsutism, when the hair stands, it’s kindda messy
[3/24/2005 8:47 PM] heavenly : your hairs are sustaining an erection… perhaps you need to stroke them ….
[3/24/2005 8:48 PM] Cariss : don’t stroke me when i’m provoke, i’ll bite
[3/24/2005 8:48 PM] heavenly : don’t worry … i won’t stroke you
[3/24/2005 8:49 PM] Cariss : Thank goodness. *Phew*
[3/24/2005 8:50 PM] heavenly : i’d rather stroke a rottweiler …. rottweiner …. whatever
[3/24/2005 8:50 PM] Cariss : rot-wailer
[3/24/2005 8:50 PM] Cariss : hehe
[3/24/2005 8:51 PM] heavenly : rockwanker
[3/24/2005 8:51 PM] Cariss : ohhh kinky, are you one rock wanker? ;PPpPppp
[3/24/2005 8:53 PM] heavenly : that is, if you consider my prick is as hard as rock. It cuts glass when hard…
[3/24/2005 8:56 PM] Cariss : wow, i bet u can clear “bushes” too.
[3/24/2005 8:57 PM] Cariss : Are you in the guiness book yet?
[3/24/2005 8:57 PM] heavenly : nope. but i drink guiness
[3/24/2005 8:59 PM] Cariss : Oh yeah, very the obvious. And u can get pretty drunk too.
[3/24/2005 8:59 PM] Cariss : maybe u can puke another round and let poor Emily do all the dirty work.
[3/24/2005 9:00 PM] heavenly : i can get pretty drunk(s)…. it’s plural…and also when they’re sober
[3/24/2005 9:01 PM] Cariss : who THEY?
[3/24/2005 9:02 PM] heavenly : pretty drunks…
[3/24/2005 9:02 PM] Cariss : drunks cannot be pretty, drunks are fugly (fucking ugly)
[3/24/2005 9:03 PM] heavenly : you’re just jealous
[3/24/2005 9:03 PM] Cariss : i don’t have to be
[3/24/2005 9:04 PM] Cariss : i’d rather stay as fugly as u, so no ppl will bother me
[3/24/2005 9:05 PM] heavenly : don’t worry, you won’t look very pretty with that much hair all over your body
[3/24/2005 9:05 PM] heavenly : ever seen a pretty ape ? that explains it
[3/24/2005 9:05 PM] Cariss : yeah lucky me, the hair covers me up from my head to toe. I need to thank my folks.
[3/24/2005 9:07 PM] heavenly : wow … a thankful ape
[3/24/2005 9:08 PM] Cariss : During winter when i go out, ppl will wonder where i get such nice “fur” over my body
[3/24/2005 9:08 PM] Cariss : Mind you, the “fur” is natural.
[3/24/2005 9:08 PM] Cariss : authentic even.
[3/24/2005 9:08 PM] Cariss : They can only see my pretty eyes…
[3/24/2005 9:09 PM] Cariss : like those Middle East women who cover themselves from head to toe.
[3/24/2005 9:09 PM] heavenly : and to look like a sasquatch would be so cool …
[3/24/2005 9:10 PM] Cariss : not everyone can get such privelege, so dun be jealous.
[3/24/2005 9:11 PM] Cariss : I will remain as a mystery as much as the sasquatch.
[3/24/2005 9:11 PM] heavenly : yeah right, i’m so jealous of your hairrrrr…. the ticks …. the amount of shampoo you’re gonna have to use (that is, if you’re ever gonna shower at all)
[3/24/2005 9:13 PM] Cariss : ticks, nah, i only have hair lices, they are over-populated now, and they are looking for places to migrate, do you by any chance have some free space over your side? Pity those lices.
[3/24/2005 9:14 PM] heavenly : nope…. no free space here …ask the rottweiner… rottwanker … whatever
[3/24/2005 9:15 PM] Cariss : yeah that’s why i’m asking u, the rock wanker who has a prick as hard as rock and it can cut glass.
[3/24/2005 9:15 PM] heavenly : glass, metal, anything
[3/24/2005 9:16 PM] Cariss : good, such a handyman.
[3/24/2005 9:18 PM] heavenly : you bet …
[3/24/2005 9:19 PM] Cariss : the MAN himself has already said it, what else can I say?
[3/24/2005 9:20 PM] heavenly : the doctor … please
[3/24/2005 9:20 PM] Cariss : LOL
[3/24/2005 9:21 PM] Cariss : u have pretty thick foreskin
[3/24/2005 9:21 PM] heavenly : epidermal layer …. doctors don’t call skin … skin…
[3/24/2005 9:22 PM] Cariss : and yeah bra we don’t call bra, we call them kneading pads.
[3/24/2005 9:23 PM] heavenly : you’re a fast learner
[3/24/2005 9:23 PM] Cariss : definitely
[3/24/2005 9:23 PM] Cariss : I completed my 2 degrees with 3 majors in 4 yrs time.
[3/24/2005 9:24 PM] heavenly : well … with the hot weather like this … no surprise … my patients get 4 – 5 degrees in 1 day
[3/24/2005 9:27 PM] Cariss : 4 to 5 degrees only ar? Normal body temp is 37 degrees. I bet you have failed your MAD school big time.
[3/24/2005 9:28 PM] heavenly : 37 get 4 degrees equal 41 degrees ler … you failed your kindergarten ?
[3/24/2005 9:31 PM] Cariss : WOW, your England is so powDerful.
[3/24/2005 9:31 PM] heavenly : i speak hindi as well
[3/24/2005 9:32 PM] Cariss : And I can speak Swahili.
[3/24/2005 9:33 PM] heavenly : what’s swahili ? some african profanity ?
[3/24/2005 9:35 PM] Cariss : yeah, my long lost relatives from Africa speak them.
[3/24/2005 9:35 PM] heavenly : i didn’t know there are sasquatches in africa …. hmmm
[3/24/2005 9:36 PM] Cariss : They are called gorillas, u moron. Don’t insult my relatives!
[3/24/2005 9:37 PM] heavenly : so, those short apes with small feet are in fact african sasquatches ? that’s enlightening….
[3/24/2005 9:38 PM] Cariss : I can see you are learning new things everyday.
[3/24/2005 9:39 PM] heavenly : yeah … like hirsutism people have gorilla relatives in Singapore …. i mean Africa ….

~~boring part snipped off~~

[3/24/2005 9:54 PM] Cariss : If you don’t believe what I have just said, come visit me in Penang Road next weekend, I am going to have lunch there. FYI, I’m a breathing and walking CLASSIC example who inherits all my family’s bestest genes.
[3/24/2005 9:56 PM] heavenly : you’re gonna have lunch ?… big deal, so am i …. in fact, i have them everyday …
[3/24/2005 9:57 PM] Cariss : I’m just ASKING to witness my SEXY hair.
[3/24/2005 9:57 PM] heavenly : just send me your photo …
[3/24/2005 9:57 PM] Cariss : Do you want an autograph too?
[3/24/2005 9:58 PM] heavenly : yes please.
[3/24/2005 9:58 PM] Cariss : What message do you want me to write on it?
[3/24/2005 9:59 PM] heavenly : just write … MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU … and draw a wookie on it
[3/24/2005 10:00 PM] Cariss : just for you Mike, just for you.
[3/24/2005 10:00 PM] heavenly : i’m so touched …
[3/24/2005 10:01 PM] Cariss : usually i’ll charge extra for the wookie drawing. But since u r my admirer, i’ll charge one for two drawings.
[3/24/2005 10:01 PM] Cariss : U know like the buy 1 get 1 free promo.
[3/24/2005 10:03 PM] heavenly : alright then … since im getting 2 wookies …. draw me a male wookie porking a female wookie …. and make them groan or something … WOO HOO
[3/24/2005 10:04 PM] Cariss : dun worry, i’ll make sure the female wookie moans like pang sai in the pic, and the male one will have a hard prick like yours.
[3/24/2005 10:04 PM] heavenly : awww… how nice of you
[3/24/2005 10:04 PM] Cariss : sure sure no need to thank me, just dun forget to pay

michaelooi  | e-chats  | 6 Comments