Before you proceed to read the transcript below, you’re required to know the following words beforehand….
– ‘cheebye‘ : Hokkien for vagina, cooter, beaver, pussy, etc.
– ‘lancheow‘: Hokkien for penis, dick, weiner, schlong, etc.
– ‘lampah‘: Hokkien for testicals, nutsack, balls, ballsack, etc.
– ‘pundek‘: Tamil for cheebye.
– ‘puki‘: Tagalog for cheebye
Note: Those words are the most commonly used profanities in the general Malaysian public today. If you don’t know any of these words, you should probably fucking get a lobotomy.
The following conversation took place at Company X messenger today, between myself and a female colleague (FC) of mine. It’s a discussion about our everyday profanities. Those of you pansy ass who knows nuts about local profanities, you’re strongly encouraged to peruse this dialog with utmost scrutiny…
FC: u busy ke?
Michael: not really, why?
FC: so r u still feeling lazy?
Michael: yeah, that explains the reply ‘not really’. i have a lot of work, but i’m not busy.
Michael: what abt you? free?
FC: ya quite free that’s why reading ur blog can’t reamember when was the last time i read it. think was last year
FC: wat pundek i dun have one
Michael: you don’t have pundek?? then what do you have lar?? lampah?
FC: thought that one is for guy
Michael: pundek is Tamil for cheebye
FC: u serious?
Michael: yes i am. ask your indian friends.
FC: i i alwasy thought it’s a guys one
Michael: no ler. guys one is called lancheow. or lampah also can.
FC: that one is chinese lah. then indian one leh? call wat?
Michael: tamil for lancheow i don’t know
Michael: i figured, if i want to describe a dick to an english illiterate Indian chick, i’d just whip out my lancheow, she’d understand. I can’t whip out a cheebye, can I? That’s why i only learned the word – pundek
FC: ahahhahah ok now i know pundek is girls one
Michael: good good.
FC: oh yeah i have gal fren thought puki is for guys. she is liek 26 ys old, only recently she learn that puki is for gals
Michael: what the fuck??
FC: ahahhah we laughed at her
Michael: does she even know herself has one??
FC: ya i asked her whther she has puki. she looked at me one kind n said i was crazee.
Michael: maaan. is there really still such people on this planet? act innocent kot?
FC: well she knows what is cheebye. but she interpreted puki as the guy part
Yeah, we’d all be fucking damned if we guys have puki.
Just remember, people, if you don’t know or unsure what a certain profanity word means, you better ask around. You don’t want to make a mistake like my friend here (and also her friend in this case)… saying things like herself not having a cooter and mistaken their male counterparts as having one… it’ll be tragic.