Archive for the ‘dialogs’ Category

February 10, 2004

physiotherapy

At the physiotherapy clinic today …

Physiotherapist : “Looks like your knee has been healing pretty fast. Did you exercise and stretch your leg as adviced?”

Me : “Err… yeah… I did”
[fact : exercise by stepping the clutch during traffic jam]

Physiotherapist : “Involved in sports lately?”

Me : “Hmm… yeah, I just had a game of soccer during the weekend… slight pain on my knee the next day”
[fact : drunken soccer in my banquet clothes.]

Physiotherapist : “Great. It will be painful initially… but it will be ok in a day or two. How about jogging?”

Me : “Well… I did try to jog a few days ago… no problem at all…”
[fact : I ran to my car in the carpark when I realized I was late to fetch Emily]

Physiotherapist : “Hmmm… looks good. You don’t have to come so often now. I’ll schedule you to come back in 2 weeks”

Me : *grin* “Thanks !”

Heck, I’m sure if he were to find out about the truth, he’ll probably ask to quarantine the area and get the blimp nurse to rape me. Ahaks. I’ll be goddamned for the rest of my life.

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February 4, 2004

a flirt

When I went for my routine physio last night, the pretty nurse attempted to start a conversation with me again.

“Hey.. was the sky dark when you came?” the nurse asked.
“Errr… it’s night time now. So I guess it has to be dark.” –> it was 9.20pm
“No, I mean if it’s cloudy. You know, dark and heavy clouds?”
“I couldn’t tell. It is night time, and it’s dark outside, remember?”
“Hmm. The air con is too cold in here. I wonder if it’s going to rain soon…”
“You ride a bike to work?”
“Yeah. Apparently I am not wealthy enough to own a car…”
“You can always ask the physiotherapist to fetch you home…”
“He’s off to a different direction. He doesn’t pass by my place.”
“Oh, in that case, I guess that you’ll have to use an umbrella on your bike if it rains”
“I’m not that skillfull to balance that on a bike… blaa blaa… wind… accident…”

I lost my concentration after that… because I was having an upset stomach right then. Since I was having a physio session, I was trying very hard to hold my sphincter from ripping a nasty fart – for it’ll be catastrophic for the nurse and the unfortunate patrons there.

Now that I am thinking about the conversation, I was pretty sure that the nurse was hinting that I should fetch her home last night. Man, she’s so gonna get laid if I was single… But too bad, I’m already attached to my lovely wife, and I definitely do not need that right now. (but hell, why didn’t she show up when I was young, single and desperate?) Damn.

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January 28, 2004

Cat

Yesterday, I went to look for my departmental admin (let’s call her ‘Cat’) to send a very important document to someone on the other side of the state. I forgot to bring a pen, so I asked to borrow one from her, and that was when she noticed something about me…

“Michael … are you a guitar player ?”
“No… I am not”
“How about Chinese zither?”
“Nope. I don’t play any musical instruments at all”
“Oh… then why do you have such long finger nails?”

Obviously, I was caught off guard. I don’t actually have an answer for that question. The fact was, I’m just fucking lazy to clip my nails. I’d usually do it when one of them breaks off or something.
(disclaimer – if you somehow have an idea that my nails could be dirty, you’re wrong. I washes my nails everytime I go to the washroom… so, it’s very well maintained and clean)

I had to resort to bullshitting her…

“I actually fancy of keeping them. They kind of make my fingers look longer”
“Really?”
“Yeah .. and they are also handy for some of my delicate work”
“Oh ok. See my nails? They’re very short.”
“You liar. I think you broke your nails from scraping for dandruff too much”
“No… really, I clip my nails because I play violin a lot”
“That’s why your fingers look short and ugly…”
“Not as ugly as yours… ” (makes some face)
“Well… at least I can use them to scratch my back better…”

And she laughed hysterically like a hyena across the office… triggering a massive head bobs from hundreds of cubicles. Seriously, I don’t know what’s so funny about my remarks. Sometimes, we can’t simply make silly jokes around girls… they can be such a drag sometimes…

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January 26, 2004

back to physio

After having our Chinese New Year break for about 5 days, the Chinese community are finally resuming to their normal life. So, as scheduled, I had to go for my physiotherapy today

Pretty nurse : “Happy Chinese New Year! Any angpow for me?” [angpow = red gift packets containing cash, very popular in Chinese customs]

Me : **Smiles** “Errrm… no… I’m not qualified yet”

I frigging lied.

Pretty nurse : “Oh… so you’re still single?”

Me : “Ahaks… yeah. Do I look like a married guy to you?”

Pretty nurse : **giggles..**

Me : “I like the way you giggled…”

Pretty nurse : **face blushes… giggles somemore**

Me : “Say… what time do you finish your shh.. aaa aaaa aaa **Sneeze!**”

Pretty nurse : “Ohh… you caught a cold, you poor thing.”

Me : “Yeah … **sniff**… partied too hard during the holidays.”

Pretty nurse : “You should take more vitamic C… and party less” **serious look on her face**

Me : “Awww… that’s so sweet of you… **Sneeeeezeee!!!**”

And the next thing I knew, her face was covered with slime and semi solid pieces of greenish mucus. She instantly lost the appeal of an angel… Ughh.

Alright… if you can’t tell, I made all that up. Only certain parts of the conversation are true.
– I indeed caught a very bad cold
– the nurse indeed wished me a Happy New Year and asked for an angpow.
– the nurse indeed asked me to take more vitamic C when she found out about my cold

The rest are fabricated by my idling mind during the boring session of my physiotherapy.

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December 17, 2003

eric the disturbed : blunder

Yesterday, during lunchtime, Blackie wanted to buy another batch of milk powder for his chowhound son.

Me : “What the hell?? Your son finished that last batch of milk powder already? He’s more expensive than maintaining a beemer man!”

Blackie : “He is growing up maaa…”

BigSnake : “Fucking unbelievable.”

Me : “Yeah, you could have kept a herd of cows at your home. Milk them fresh whenever your son gets hungry. It would be way cheaper than buying so much milk powder every month…”

Blackie : “Come on guys… that’s ridiculous. How could feeding a herd of cows be any cheaper than buying milk powder? That’s just bullshit.”

Doug : “Use your brain lah. Cows only eat grass. That means, you don’t have to worry about mowing your lawn. I think it’s a great idea.”

[note: Doug is Blackie’s boss.]

BigSnake : “And you can use its dung as organic fertilizer for your garden.”

Me : “When your son is bored, he can even piggy ride them like a cowboy. You’ll save more money on toys.”

The idea was gradually becoming more and more plausible as one comment leads to another. Blackie was totally dumbfucked. He just did not know what to say. Doug then continued further.

Doug : “And when your cow runs out of milk, you can also cut it up and eat them. If you can’t finish the whole cow, you can give out the parts to us.”

It was then Eric broke his silence…

Eric : “Hahah! yeah! give the parts to us. I want the cow’s penis. Sup torpedo lembu!”

Everyone suddenly stopped and became confused. It lasted a short while before Doug chided Eric for his senseless comment

Doug : “Dude! How could it be possible for a cow to have a dick!?”

By that time, everyone was already having an epileptic fit laughing at Eric. He sure had hit a boner this time. Luckily, the incident occurred before we actually took our lunch, else, I would be spending my entire day cleaning up pukes inside my car.

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