After having our Chinese New Year break for about 5 days, the Chinese community are finally resuming to their normal life. So, as scheduled, I had to go for my physiotherapy today

Pretty nurse : “Happy Chinese New Year! Any angpow for me?” [angpow = red gift packets containing cash, very popular in Chinese customs]

Me : **Smiles** “Errrm… no… I’m not qualified yet”

I frigging lied.

Pretty nurse : “Oh… so you’re still single?”

Me : “Ahaks… yeah. Do I look like a married guy to you?”

Pretty nurse : **giggles..**

Me : “I like the way you giggled…”

Pretty nurse : **face blushes… giggles somemore**

Me : “Say… what time do you finish your shh.. aaa aaaa aaa **Sneeze!**”

Pretty nurse : “Ohh… you caught a cold, you poor thing.”

Me : “Yeah … **sniff**… partied too hard during the holidays.”

Pretty nurse : “You should take more vitamic C… and party less” **serious look on her face**

Me : “Awww… that’s so sweet of you… **Sneeeeezeee!!!**”

And the next thing I knew, her face was covered with slime and semi solid pieces of greenish mucus. She instantly lost the appeal of an angel… Ughh.

Alright… if you can’t tell, I made all that up. Only certain parts of the conversation are true.
- I indeed caught a very bad cold
- the nurse indeed wished me a Happy New Year and asked for an angpow.
- the nurse indeed asked me to take more vitamic C when she found out about my cold

The rest are fabricated by my idling mind during the boring session of my physiotherapy.

Yesterday, during lunchtime, Blackie wanted to buy another batch of milk powder for his chowhound son.

Me : “What the hell?? Your son finished that last batch of milk powder already? He’s more expensive than maintaining a beemer man!”

Blackie : “He is growing up maaa…”

BigSnake : “Fucking unbelievable.”

Me : “Yeah, you could have kept a herd of cows at your home. Milk them fresh whenever your son gets hungry. It would be way cheaper than buying so much milk powder every month…”

Blackie : “Come on guys… that’s ridiculous. How could feeding a herd of cows be any cheaper than buying milk powder? That’s just bullshit.”

Doug : “Use your brain lah. Cows only eat grass. That means, you don’t have to worry about mowing your lawn. I think it’s a great idea.”

[note: Doug is Blackie's boss.]

BigSnake : “And you can use its dung as organic fertilizer for your garden.”

Me : “When your son is bored, he can even piggy ride them like a cowboy. You’ll save more money on toys.”

The idea was gradually becoming more and more plausible as one comment leads to another. Blackie was totally dumbfucked. He just did not know what to say. Doug then continued further.

Doug : “And when your cow runs out of milk, you can also cut it up and eat them. If you can’t finish the whole cow, you can give out the parts to us.”

It was then Eric broke his silence…

Eric : “Hahah! yeah! give the parts to us. I want the cow’s penis. Sup torpedo lembu!”

Everyone suddenly stopped and became confused. It lasted a short while before Doug chided Eric for his senseless comment

Doug : “Dude! How could it be possible for a cow to have a dick!?”

By that time, everyone was already having an epileptic fit laughing at Eric. He sure had hit a boner this time. Luckily, the incident occurred before we actually took our lunch, else, I would be spending my entire day cleaning up pukes inside my car.

Emily’s aunt and family came for a visit during the weekend. During one of our lively chat, her aunt sort of told us of her past wonderful experiences visiting Penang’s famous Botanical Garden and how the place has changed over the years.

Emily’s aunt: “We went to the Botanical Garden yesterday.”

Me: “Great! So, did you see any monkeys there? The kids had fun?”

Emily’s aunt : “Yeah we saw them. But there were only very few of them. Not as many as it used to.”

Me: “Oh… that was not surprising. A lot of those monkeys migrated out from the park to seek for greener pastures, and went to get themselves some job.”

Emily’s aunt: [slight pause ...] Huh ?

[obviously, she did not tune well to my dark humor. I had to explain to her.]

Me: “They gone out to work. Got it? To factories, offices, corporates? Like, all over the place? Lot’s of them in my workplace working as top executives. My ex-boss was one of them.”

Emily’s aunt: “Errmm … ok.”

Everyone were laughing hard except her. Now I know housewives run on different frequency, and not all of them know how to appreciate a fine joke.