Archive for the ‘dialogs’ Category

October 6, 2004

morning sermon

You know, when a group of male species sit together, they would usually talk about obscene stuffs. Stuffs that involve the opposite sex, that they don’t talk about when the females are around.

That’s exactly what I was doing with my bunch of engineer buddies this morning at our shitty cafeteria (about 6 of us there).

I could not exactly remember who was saying what but, it went like this..

Engineer#1 : “Hey, do you guys know how long Leo is going to be off?”

Leo was the colleague who just got hitched the week before. He was off for a honeymoon vacation.

Engineer#2 : “He will be coming back to work on Monday…”

Me : “That’s fast. He isn’t going to a honeymoon vacation or something?”

Engineer#2 : “Nope. He said next year”

Me : “So, he’s just going to stay at home for the whole week?”

Engineer#2 : “I guess… ”

Me : “Porking day and night? For the whole week? Hehehheh!”

And our group laughed loudly like crazy fucks… piquing a lot of attentions around. And then I continued,

Me : “Pork, eat, sleep, then wake up, and pork again. Pork till his prick sores and his pubic hairs fall off…”

More laughing.

After we wiped all our tears and phlegm from our face, we decided to call it a morning, and started head back to work.

But just when I was about to leave, I happened to catch a glimpse of someone behind our table – our departmental director. He was still sniggering when I saw him. He must have heart all the dirty stuff I told the guys… goddamn. I wonder if this is going to affect my career…

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July 13, 2004

never mess with …

When I came back to work in the office from my travel, I was confronted by Kim (one of my office’s lady clerk), who happened to be at Jude’s place, the cubicle next to mine,

Kim : “Hey michael, welcome back! Bought anything for us?”

I didn’t.

Me : “Yes but, I lost all of them. Didn’t make it through the baggage service” [I lied]

Kim : “Oh you actually think I’m gonna believe that ? Please lah…”

Me : “Well, why ask if you already knew the answer? heheh… Eh, can you get me a stack of A4 paper? I need it urgently”

Jude suddenly jumped up from her seat and interrupted,

Jude : “No Kim. Don’t give him the papers. He’s evil.”

I didn’t what warrants for me to be labeled as such but, I took the opportunity to throw some insults,

Me : “Hey, funny hair! Mind your own business…”

Jude : “He did not buy us gifts, so you should ignore him…”

Me : “Eh, what happened to your hair? Why is it orange in color?”

One of my colleagues Ted overheard our conversation and joined in…

Ted : “Yeah… your head looks like a goldfish…”

Me : “Goldfish? Naww… more like a saiseng

Not sure what a ‘saiseng‘ is called in English but, it’s a type of catfish that eats excrement. You’ll know it when you see her.

Ted : “Hahahahhhh ! Yeah… now that you mentioned it… uncanny resemblance”

Kim : [speechless…. laughing very hard]

Jude : “You can call me names… but still… no paper for you…”

Me : “Saiseng crossbred with puffer fish….”

Ted : “Man … that’s scary … wooooooo”

Jude : [face starting to blush red…]

Me : “Smells like a fish, squeaks like a sewer rat.”

Jude : “Ok ok… stop… Kim, give him the papers… quick!”

It was another day of triumph of good versus evil….

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May 18, 2004

wrong info

My mom came to me today with a serious look on her face.

Mom : “I came across an article in TheStar today saying that there would be a disaster coming on 27th of May…”

Me : “What disaster? ”

Mom : “I don’t know. But I think you better stay at home… just to be safe…”

Me : “Is that suppose to be some kind of prophecy thing?”

Mom : “No… I don’t think it’s a prophecy… more like a warning… ”

Me : [after thinking for a while] “Mom… I think you hit a boner. That was for ‘The Day After Tomorrow’…”

Mom : “The day after tomorrow? WTF?”

Me : “It’s a freaking movie. Some polar cap melts and flood the whole world… the show’s opening on 27th. They’re just trying to be creative with the ads.”

Mom : “Oh… I didn’t know that… shit… this is so embarrassing, I’ve been going around telling everyone to look out…”

Me : “Hahah, yeah. Your colleagues are nothing short of a dumbass as well… they should have figured that out…”

Looking forward to watch “The Day After Tomorrow” …

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May 10, 2004

marder day

Sunday, overheard in a DVD shop at a shopping mall

Ah Lian : “Wah… lu kua tiok boh? Tiam kam kaliau”
[Wah… can you see that? All shops are closed]

Ah Beng : “Si loh… kanneh… mm chai hamisu…”
[Yeah… fuck… I wonder why…]

Ah Lian : “Marder Day maa …”
[Marder Day maa…]

Ah Beng : *Laughing very hard* “Haaaaaahhhhhh… Marder Day!!”
[Haaaaaahhhhhh… Marder Day !!]

Ah Lian : “Si lah… Marder Day lar… mm butt thia koeh si boh?”
[Yes lah… Marder Day lar… haven’t you heard of that before?]

Ah Beng : “Mother’s Day laaaaa…. aiyooooooo”

Apparently, that Ah Beng could speak some decent English, and was ridiculing that Ah Lian for the ‘Marder Day’ remark. How rude.


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April 30, 2004

US pizza

This morning, when I was queuing up in my company’s cafeteria, Doug came up to me and asked

Doug : “Mike… you have US visa?”

Me : “Huh?”

Doug : “US visa… you have one?”

Me : “US pizza? You have the coupon? No thanks man… I prefer Pizza Hut anytime.”

Doug : “Noooooo… US v-i-s-a goddamn it…”

Me : “Ohhh ok… no… mine was expired”

I think my hearing’s deteriorating. First… ‘orang utan’ … now ‘US Pizza’… sheesh.

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