Archive for the ‘dialogs’ Category

August 15, 2018

super slow mo

I recently got a refund for my 1 year old phone, due to a persistent receiver problem. That was why I was in an electronics retail shop to purchase a new phone for myself. It’s the latest Samsung Galaxy S9, and I got a pretty good deal about it. One of the sales guy, who looked like he just left school, was eager to explain the phone’s perks to me, while doing the paperwork for the purchase.

Salesboy:: “Congrats on the new phone, Mr. Ooi, it’s a great choice. This phone has a great camera and a lot of features”

Me:: “Thanks, this new phone looked very similar to my S8, really hard to tell them apart unless you look closely”

Salesboy:: “It has a much better camera, believe me. And it has super slow mo, which is cool” *nods enthusiastically*

Me:: “Well, I’ve owned my S8 for close to a year, and I’ve only used the slow mo twice… I guess I won’t be using the super slow mo much…”

Salesboy:: “Yeah, it’s mostly used by the younger generation.”

I felt a stab in the heart, his words reverberated inside my head… ‘younger generation’. What the fuck. So now I’m in the older generation that is not savvy about the latest technological features of a goddamn phone?? Fucking shit man. This is so damn sad.

It ought to kill the mood but, oddly, I wasn’t pissed or anything. I was more like, amused with what he said. I then made a joke that he didn’t get and went ‘nevermind’. Fucking old fart, starting to get out of sync with the world.

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November 14, 2017

panic mode

I was driving cross state to a wedding dinner with a colleague, when my phone rang in the car. I have one of those bluetooth rig ups which I can speak through my car’s audio system totally handsfree. I answered the call, it was from my wife Emily.

Emily: [panic] “Oh shit dear! I forgot to bring out my key! What should I do? Shit shit shit”

She was out before I left the house, and she forgot her house keys. I was just beginning a 1.5 hours journey, it could be at least another 3 hours before I could get home. That was why she was in panic mode. When she’s in panic mode, the physics of this world will make no sense to her.

Me: “Relax dear. I’m on the speakerphone with my colleague. I guess there’s nothing I can do for you now, as I’m already on the highway. I can’t turn back. Can you just hang out at one of your friends’ till I get home?”

Emily: [panic] “Oh shit oh shit can I just break the locks with a hammer or something??”

Me: “Calm down. I’m on the speakerphone with my colleague. Don’t break the lock please. Just go to your friend’s house, ok?”

Emily: [panic] “Maybe I can fashion a long stick to hook out my bag or maybe… maybe…” [+ some Wile E. Coyote ideas]

Me: “No that won’t work. Just calm down. I’ll be back by 11pm, I’ll try to bail the dinner earlier, ok?”

Emily: [panic] “Ok ok” [hung up]

I turned to look at my colleague. He had a look of silent understanding while looking down at the car mat… most likely thinking “here’s a moment of silence for another of our fallen comrade…”. We never talked about what happened throughout the night.

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September 15, 2017

how to appreciate your father

My 11 year old daughter Regine came to me about something in her BeeEm homework, I was busy reading a book on the bed.

Regine: “Daddy, what are the examples of ‘menghargai jasa ayah’?”

‘Menghargai jasa ayah’ means to show appreciation for your father’s contribution.

Me: “You can give him a hug… or maybe a gift…”

Regine: “What other examples? I need more examples”

Me: “Leave him alone…”

She got the message and left me alone. I knew she’s a smart one.

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March 16, 2017

anneh cashier 2

I stumbled into the same anneh cashier again today at Company T cafeteria.

Cashier: *punch punch punch register* “That’ll be RM2.70 please.”

Me: *tendered RM3*

Cashier: *Gives back RM0.70*

Me: *looks at anneh cashier, palm with coins still holding out for him to see…*

Cashier: *looks back at me with WTF look*

Me: *looks at my palm with the 70 cents*

Cashier: *looks at my palm with 70 cents, still clueless*

I had to give him the audio feedback…

Me: “Friend, the amount was RM2.70… I gave you RM3.00… how much change should you give me back?”

Cashier: *still clueless*

Me: “30 cents! Right?”

Cashier: “Oh yaya sorry sorry”

Ohne savadi keporleh…

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March 13, 2017

anneh cashier

Company T cafeteria, where all shit converge and dumbasses collide. It was lunch time, and I was served by this young Indian guy cashier who looked like he wanted to be a nail salon operator when he grew up.

Cashier: *punch punch punch register* “That’ll be RM6.50 please.”

Me: “The cafe owes me 80 cents from the breakfast this morning. Can you please deduct?”

Cashier: “So I just minus 80 cents from your total, right?” *wobbles his head*

Me: “That’s right.”

Cashier: *punch punch punch register* “That’ll be RM7.30 please.”

Me: “No no… you’re supposed to minus, not add. The cafe owes me, not the other way round.”

Cashier: “Oh, I’m sorry…” *punch punch punch register* “That’ll be RM7.30 please.”

Me: [WTFBBQ!] “Are you for real?? What did I just told you!?”

The cashier guy was startled, because he did not expect that reaction from me, and he started to say something incoherent…

Cashier: “Ermm… I’m sorry… where did you get that piece of chicken? From the front?”

Me: “Yes from the front. But what has that got to do with this??”

He fiddled the register for a short moment, and then he said this:

Cashier: “Sorry, it should be RM5.30″

And that’s still the wrong amount. I gave the dolt RM6 to be done with and he gave me back the RM1. o__O”

I’m pretty sure he didn’t inherit the chettiar genes from his ancestors…

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