A couple weeks ago, as I was tailing behind this 4WD vehicle in my workplace’s carpark, I took notice of its really attractive pair of rear lamps. Apparently, it’s a new model of 4WD which I’ve never seen before. It reminded me of the older Opel Vectra models… that I used to swoon all over when I was younger. That prompted me to tail closer to catch a glimpse on its carmake & model – its shiny emblem read “Kia Sportage”. The new make, of course.

I was like … WOW… this is like a deviation from their (Kia’s) usual fugly designs ! I was needless to say, damn impressed with the look. But unfortunately, I didn’t get to see the front view of the vehicle to give my full judgment. We parted ways and I forgot all about it, until yesterday.

I was lumbering towards my car after a tiring day of work, when I finally saw the frontal view of this vehicle, parked not far away from Lorraine. Had a good look at it and my first impression was – it looked like a surprised camel ! It’s hard to explain but, you can peruse the following graphic for better understanding :

Just in case you couldn’t tell the difference, the left image is the new Kia Sportage, while the right image is suppose to be a mouse-drawn camel, with a surprised look. Uncanny resemblance, isn’t it ? It boggles my mind to think, what the fuck is wrong with this vehicle. Tried to tilt my head in various angles, but I couldn’t get myself to like it.

Maybe this surprised-camel looking vehicle was designed by some diaper head that has been brought up in an environment full of camels. And designed a vehicle that looks like it as a tribute to the animal – that has served his civilization for centuries as a biological transport…

I did not bother to check out its interior, for I have no interest in anything that resembled a camel (except for cameltoes, of course…).

Lunch with colleagues,

Me : “Dude, check out that Nissan X-trail..”

Wilson : “What about it?”

Me : “Piece of junk”

Wilson : “Couldn’t agree more..”

Me : “Its front view reminds me the face of a crab. A big, hairy, fucking crab.”

Wilson : “Hahah… yeah, it looks like a crab alright. Damn, they’re using seafood as an inspiration to design automobiles nowadays…”

I always imagine the front of a car as its face. Hard to explain but, you can just take a look at Nissan X-Trail, and it will automatically make your brain think of crabs … or some large crustacean critters at the bottom of the ocean that feeds on rotten fishes.

More examples of car ‘faces’ :

Proton Wira reminds me the face of a cat.
BMW 5 series, a nasty face of a whale shark
Volvo S80 (dubbed as the Chinese casket on 4 wheels) reminds me of some old dude with a big nose
Honda City the flowerhorn fish car (with a matching tail and shape, goddamn).
Proton Juara looks like some freaked out stick insect.
I always associate Hyundai Sonata with Rob Steward’s face, or that Wormtongue guy in Lord of The Rings.
Perodua Kancil looks like a petite underaged female student wearing a big thick glass.
Hyundai Elantra has the look of some fat teenage geek with no life.
Toyota Vios …. a face of a small annoying mongrel (Odie)
Toyota Altis …. some faggot with a baby face
Know what Gen2 reminds me of? A mime. You know what’s a mime? A mime’s a freaking clown that mimics everything you do and annoys the shit out of you.
Nissan 130Y – some Chinese professor with thick collagen filled lips.

Will update more if I think of any.

Who say you need an expert to review a car? Bullshit. I can do it too (despite the fact that I know nuts about cars).

I was looking at a Honda City, and can’t help to think — what an ugly car it is. Short front… and long back. According to some expert, it is suppose to be a ‘bubble design’ concept, which is kind of an important for my neighbor’s dog to sustain an erection without a bitch. Kidding. It’s suppose to make the car more aerodynamic. To some less techie dudes, aerodynamic is a type of very fast bird.

Well, it looks like a direct cross from Honda Jazz (the short front) plus our Asian uncanny preference of big trunks — thus, they came up with the design of Honda City. Talking about big trunk, I do not understand why we Asians want cars with big trunks. Personally speaking, I don’t mind cars having a small trunk. Why would we need such a big trunk? To stuff our mother in law inside? Not me. I only use it store my 24-7 ready 10 lbs bowling ball and a pair of soccer boots inside.

The new Honda City definitely was designed to suit the taste of us Asians – referring, again, to the short front (good for those idiots who have problems parking their car) and the gigantic trunk. 500 liters, enough to store 6 mother in laws inside (depends on your mother in law size). The final look is — something that resembled the flower horn fish. It’s fucking ugly (fugly). I bet if a kid were to draw a Honda City and submit the work to his art teacher — he would get a real thorough spanking for drawing a lopsided car… and get a -F for it. No shit.

I went to the Honda showroom yesterday and frankly speaking, although I didn’t like the look of that darn car, I was quite impressed with the quality of its interior. Everything felt solid and in its place. Some say it is luxurious – but I am pretty sure those are just a bunch of yokels that are unfamiliar with cream colored interior or probably has not seen a luxury car before. It’s neat and pretty inside – yes. Luxurious? – still a lot to add.

Alright, I tried to ask for a test drive but unfortunately, the demo car wasn’t in – so, I kinda missed the driving part. Hence, I did the next best thing – I positioned myself on the driver’s seat and fiddled around with its control like a virgin kid’s first experience feeling a girl’s body. The very first thing I noticed was – its limited leg room under the steering. It’s too fucking small for fully grown guy like me. I mean, it doesn’t even have enough space to house a simple foot rest… and if my size 10 shoe were to be any bigger, it would be impossible for me to stretch both legs when driving.

It would have been better if the trunk were to be made smaller to give more space to the cabin. I prefer a larger cabin anytime than having a large trunk. The car is more suitable for a young girl or a housewife, and definitely not an ideal ride for a savage bloke like me.

But nevermind, not that I’m interested in Honda City anyway. I was just curious of it’s fame… and went to check if it really lives up to its reputation. Apparently not. The car’s ugly – period. Besides, nobody really knows if the CVT gearbox would cost an arm and a leg when it needs to be replaced.

I walked out of the showroom without looking back. Time to move to other options.

*If one’s asking why the sudden craze about cars – yes, I am planning to change my car. Budget? 85K max. I’m now scouring for bits of info to aid my buying.