I was walking to the car with my lunch members, when we came across a brand new Nissan Sylphy, located smack dab at the center of the building lobby. Knowing that one of my lunch members has difficulty to pronounce the car’s name (which he always mixes up with the name of a popular sexually transmitted disease – ’syphilis’), I cheekily teased him by hollering across the corridor,

“Hey dude, SYPHILIS! HA HA!” [points at the car]

Apparently, I hollered too loud… loud enough to be heard by the Nissan salesperson who was behind a wall. I only realized his presence after walking past the wall, which I reacted by hastening my pace to hide the embarrassment… while trying hard to stifle myself from bursting into a cramp inducing laugh.

I sometimes do strange and embarrassing things that I myself cannot explain…

(In case any of you wondered what do I think of Nissan Sylphy – I think it’s a shit fucking ugly looking car. The interior’s decent though.)

Somebody at Autoworld refer it as ‘nyior’, heheh… I thought that was pretty funny.

Alright, I’ve seen this car, and what do I think of it personally? Well, good and bad. The good of it, is that the front portion of this car definitely looks too good to be a Proton. The bad, that is the only thing good about… this… this… junk… car… whatever you want to call it.

Whoaa what happened?

I’m gonna make this in point form.

- The interior is still too ‘plasticky’ in my opinion, JUST LIKE its cousin, Proton Savvy. I just don’t feel good about it. The interior’s kinda neat, yes, but it was the plastic grade that turned me off. Cheap, creaky plastics.

One thing about these plastics I’ve noticed, is that it’s being very widely used in contemporary Proton models (and some low-end Korean makes as well). The older models (Saga, Iswara and Ah Beng Wira) don’t seem to have this kind of material in them at all. It all only started with Waja, I believe… and after that, it sort of like became a major ingredient for all Proton products thereafter. BIG MISTAKE, fuckers… (maybe they’re being used due to the cost factor, but what do I care, really…)

In case you don’t have an idea what I’m talking about, you may perform following simple test to distinguish these ‘cheap plastics’ from the conventional ones:
- use your fingernails, and try to sink it deep onto the surface of the plastic
- if it sinks in and gives you that ‘rubbery’ or elastic feel, it’s by means all good (in my own terms, of course. Why? That’s because the ‘rubbery’ texture would dampen a significant level of noise when there’s a surface to surface contact, and you’ll get a that-much-quieter car)
- if it slips off the smooth surface, then you may start to scream… IT’S CHEAP PLASTIC!

Usually black in color if it’s not being spray painted on, and if you apply some pressure on it, you’ll get some unexpected creaking sound effect. (You’ll see plenty of those on Kancil, Savvy and Waja – among the examples)

- The cabin space was too small for me. I used to co-own a 1.3L Satria with Emily, and I don’t remember feeling all too crampy about it. As for this car, there seems to be very little headroom left for me… and if I were to go through some really nasty bumps, my head’s bound to hit the roof. Now, I’m not really a tall guy, just about the height of Michael Schumacher… but I can’t imagine if this were to be driven by a 6 footer? Man, on top of getting frequent knock from above, that guy’s gonna get all the heating as well, and would probably develop a crop circle pattern on the top of his head in the long run – which, can be quite nice if you aspire to look like Zinedine Zidane.

I don’t know if the reduced space is suppose to bring any good but, it’s definitely not a car meant for big people. For petite chicks maybe, or a midget. Or squirrels. Or someone the size of a squirrel.

And that was it. I had enough. The car can come with ABS, Airbag, or a biological fuckable cunt, for all I care. I couldn’t be bothered. It’s just too small, and the interior just didn’t cut it for me. I’d rather spend my money on a used continental car instead.

(girls, that should give you a hint that, should you ever spot a guy driving a Proton Satria Neo, he’s not likely to be a tall person. Well, at least not someone who can give you a sense of security, you know what I mean? *wink*)

People, what is the utmost important thing that would influence your consideration before purchasing an automobile? The look? The price? Handling? What?

For me, my very first gate of judging a potential buy would be the look of that car. I’ll have to like the car first before I would even show interest in purchasing it. (you see, I have this fetish of wanting my car’s meter to look prominently bright and clear during night time… and my Lorraine’s meter fits the profile just right)

Secondly would be the price. Definitely has to be something that I can afford. And finally, to test drive the junk if it’s drivable. If I’m satisfied with the test drive, then I’ll probably make some effort to find out if that piece of shit has any known quality issues or if the after sales service is any good. (such info can be easily found in any local automotive forums). Only then, I’ll contemplate for the final hurdle of getting myself enough bucks to pay for the deposit (and of course, getting the car loan as well).

If you can recall the half assed review entry I did about Proton Savvy, you’ll notice that I got turned off by that car even by the looks of it. It didn’t get through my first gate. And that has been the bane of the whole entry – some nincompoops came and decorated my commenting system with snide remarks stressing that the car’s selling point is all about handling, not about looks.

Well, does that really matter to me? Hell no.

Like I’ve previously iterated in one of my honda city posts, the outlook of a vehicle nowadays are as important as its comfort and safety factor. It’s all about looking good in the modern world. People spent millions in redefining their product designs just to look better – clothes, cars, silicon boobs… everything. It’s part of the winning formula to get your products sell well.

So, if I see a car which doesn’t live up to my expectations, do you think I would even deign to test drive it? That’s exactly the case with me and Proton Savvy. I think it’s ugly and that’s the end of the story.

(one of the managers at my workplace told me that the rear of Proton Savvy somehow reminded him of ultraman taro’s face – refer comparison below to judge yourself…)

Man, that name “Kuda” would simply crack me up. I mean, doesn’t that sound like … weird to any one of you? Why does it have to start with a “K”? So that it complies with the unofficial abbreviation “SLK”? Small Little Kuda. How bizarre man…

Here’s a list of names that start with “K”, and let us remind ourselves that they could very well be an open option for a car’s name in future…

“Kanasai”
“Kanineh”
“Kongkek”
“Kelapa”
“KuihMuih”
“Karipap”
“KNNCCB”

hahahh! add yours…

I was loitering around Carrefour during my office lunchtime on Friday… seeking for the meaning of life when I saw something at a corner of the alfresco section of the complex. It was a Proton Savvy – the latest model released by our infamous national carmaker which I have yet to check out. Apparently, there was somekind of promotion/exhibition shit going right there and I could see an asylum of annoying people flocking around that automobile; knocking and copping a feel on it despite the fact that they have absolutely no intention of purchasing it. Bunch of inconsiderate bums.

And because I still had plenty of time left, I decided to walk over to check out the car; knocking and copping a feel on it despite the fact that I have absolutely no intention of purchasing it.

What can I say … it’s disappointing. The first thing that dumbfucked me was the engine compartment (or whatever you call that under the hood). I couldn’t help but notice that the finishing of the engine cover and the aircon unit next to it, was very dull and crude. It looked like the work of some kindergarten kids with cans of low quality aerosol paints. Well, maybe the rest of the car could be better, I then thought, and so I moved on to the next part of the car – the interior.

At the first glance, the interior reminded me a lot of Proton Saga. Cheap plastics everywhere. But at a closer inspection, I realized that I was wrong. It’s actually much worse than that. The plastics reminded me of those low quality pirated DVD cover that has an awful smell. And that big hole above the glove compartment wasn’t at all impressive. It’s really hard to explain but, it’s unbelievable that this piece of crap is being sold for over RM40 grands ! What a rip off !

A little stroll towards the back portion of the vehicle reaped no good impression either.

- The space at the rear passenger seat was like of a plane’s economy class – you’ll pretty much get more frustration than a round of good sex if you ever decided to get adventurous inside this car.

- The trunk was unbelievably small. You can’t even store half of your mother-in-law in it. Well, unless your mother-in-law’s a midget, you’ll probably have to strap her on top of your vehicle roof if there ever is a need for you to discard your MIL’s body after killing her.

Savvy ? An illusion perhaps. To me, this is just another addition to the collection of junks under Proton’s brand. If you were to ask me, I’d say spend that RM40,000 on a used Japanese car. Or a really nice brand new bike.

*I know nothing technical under that hood. This review was made based on my gutfeel as a driver (and owner) of a Japanese car for more than 10 years. Certainly, a little tinge of quality know-hows helped a lot to differentiate what is a junk and what is not.