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June 11, 2007

showdown with Mojo Jojo

I wasn’t in my finest mood when I entered the lab this morning, only to become worse when I discovered that one of my notebooks that I needed was missing from my workbench (I have fuckloads of notebooks, you see…). I searched high and low for it, and when I was about to give up and report the incident to the security, Mojo Jojo suddenly appeared out of nowhere and said to me:

Mojo Jojo : “Hey Michael. I took one of your notebook this morning… I wanted to ask you but you weren’t around…”

He was referring to that missing notebook I was looking for. That warranted me a flip out.

Me : “So it was you! Have you got any idea how much trouble you have caused me?? I was looking all over the place for this damn thing! You could have called me or something!”

Mojo Jojo : “Errr but you weren’t around this morning, so I thought…”

Me : “That’s why I said, YOU COULD HAVE CALLED! That’s what cellphones are for! To look for someone when they aren’t around! I could be at anywhere else… even taking a dump, you could have still called and I would have been informed instead of doing all these unnecessary searching!”

Of course I lied. I don’t take phone calls and dumps at the same time… I was just illustrating a point.

Me : “Besides, what kind of a retard are you to take someone else’s stuff first and only to ask for their permission later?”

Mojo Jojo : “I’m sorry… I didn’t thought it would be like this.”

Me : “Yeah right, this is not the first time you’ve done this, fucker. I still remember the last time you filched an AC adapter from me and slapped a sticker on it claiming it’s yours…”

I agree that it was very cheap of me to dig up his past like this. But I was flipped out, so it’s justifiable.

Mojo Jojo : “No I didn’t! I just slapped the sticker but it wasn’t me who took it!”

Me : “Whatever, imbecile. Maybe the AC adapter magically crawled by itself onto your desk and made everyone misunderstood about the whole incident. Or maybe you’re just fucked up.”

Something unexpected happened after I said that. His expression changed for the first time (in his life, I think). The ‘fucked up’ phrase somehow triggered something in him… which I think must had reminded him some of his troubled past…. sexual abuse by his stepdad perhaps?

Mojo Jojo : “You know what? You’re fucked up too.”

Me : “Oh, you’re talking back, an improvement I see. Well, if you want to put it that way, then you must on a grander scale in terms of fucked-up-ness. I’m not even anywhere near you.”

Mojo Jojo : “You’re more or less the same. That’s what I think.”

Me : “Oh yeah? Let’s see. You’re the one who got demoted and transferred into this ‘nobody’ hellhole. You’re the one who got the worst review in the whole workgroup. You’re the one who DO NOT EVEN KNOW how to make a proper presentation… Who’s more fucked up here? I can list out more…”

Mojo Jojo : “Hey! this is wayyyy out of the topic now, ok??”

He hissed at me, like an alpha male baboon showing his hostility after being challenged in his own territory. He could have continued to retort if he had a coherent opinion about how right he was about me being more or less as fucked up as him… but he couldn’t. All he could do was to think of a desperate way to steer clear of the topic, after realizing that he has got a lot more worms to be dug compared to the rest of the guys in the lab – which must be kinda embarrassing in a way.

Me : “Sure man. Out of the topic. Hmmpppfhh. Maybe I should just stop talking about that and cut you some slack. Let’s stick back to ‘the topic’… how about – DO NOT FUCKING TAKE MY STUFF AT YOUR OWN LIBERTY AND ONLY ASK LATER!”

Mojo Jojo : “Alright, alright, I made a mistake about that one.” [he toned down]

Me : “You tell me, motherfucker. Do you see me stealing your stuff and ask you later? Oh I forgot, I’m not as fucked up as you. Maybe you should try to learn how to be more ethical next time.”

Mojo Jojo : “Ok, I was fucked up. Are we done now?”

Of course I was done. What else have I got against a degenerate not worthy the attention of a zoo animal? I was already doing him a favor by yelling at him. Maybe that was the fucked up side of me he was talking about… I should have fucking reported to the security and let him have it the hard way by himself. Yeah… I’m so gonna fucking do that next time.

michaelooi  | dialogs  | 24 Comments
July 31, 2019

Untitled

Do you people believe in jinx? I want to not believe in this kind of hokum shit but, it exist. I’ve seen this on 3 individuals across my work life.

First was this dude I worked with at my first company during my engineering years. This guy, whatever he touches, would turn to crap. Like a perfectly functioning PC? It’d go haywire after you let the fucker use for a day or two. You give him something mechanical, it’d go all jammed up in a few days. It was mind boggling but, I made a conscious effort to not let him handle anything important at work, and I’d stay away from this guy.

The second guy was this Mojo Jojo, which I’d written about many years back. You can just search for ‘Mojo Jojo’ in the search bar and read all about this degenerate. Mojo Jojo was jinxed but, he wasn’t as bad as the first guy I met. Most things would go wrong, but not all of them.

Then there’s this 3rd guy. He’s the same guy I ranted about here. I seriously believe that he’s jinxed, just like the first guy. So, on top of being an incompetent idiot, this guy is jinxed. I realized since a few weeks back, that he’d been ruining our stuff just by touching it. If I were to assign him something simple/easy, it would go wrong. Lately, he asked to borrow a server board, which I have been using for months without an issue – it immediately died when he touched it (no it was not ESD damage – the CPU died).

What do I do with him? Fuck my life.

michaelooi  | rantings, work shit  | Comments Off
December 24, 2009

2009 roll up

Over a glass of beer,

Me: “Man, it seems that 2009 will probably hold the record as the shittiest year ever. Almost all of us in the gang lost our job…”

Charles: “Yeah, and Michael Jackson died too.”

Well, I haven’t really lost my job but, I am about to. I applied for a VSS to leave Company X. To those of you who do not know what’s a ‘VSS’, it’s the abbreviation for ‘Voluntary Separation Scheme’ – it’s a deal where the company would compensate you to get the fuck out of there, on voluntary basis.

So, I volunteered. Still subject to my boss’ approval though, but I think I’m going to get it. If this gets through, it will be a major change for me… as I have been with Company X for more than a decade. To you geeks out there, this change is akin to a direct upgrade from Windows 95 to Windows 7 on the same set of hardware. Yes, it is as wretched as that. I’m gonna have to be out there again looking for a job, which I don’t remember how anymore. I dread of the prospect of myself having to elbow a multitude of skinny fresh graduate fucks just to grab a job which those cocksuckers are willing to work for less wage and more hours for. This is definitely going to be tough.

But there’s a good side out of this though – I’m gonna get a large sum of moolah from the VSS. May not be enough for me to buy a bootlegged jet engine but, it’s enough to clear off my mortgage to lighten the load and still have some dough left. I initially thought of using the money to plan for an emigration, but the idea had to be temporarily shelved due to some family complications. So right now, the tentative plan is to do nothing with the money, and only worry about everything when the time comes. (maybe to invest in another property, I don’t know).

On the other side of the development, I’m glad that my precious little daughter has been doing quite well after moving to a new nursery. She’s 3.5 years old now, as hyper as any healthy kid and is now able to speak in some shitty Mandarin (learned at her own accord at the nursery) on top of her English. She’s also picking a little bit of Hokkien and Cantonese here and there… But I think she’ll be well versed in all the dialects and languages in no time. I’m keeping my hopes up.

Then about a couple of months ago, she also started to show the inquisitive side of her, as I have predicted back in April 2006. Her first ‘why’ question was, “Daddy, why is the sky dark at night?”, followed by “Why does it rain?” about 5 minutes later. Like I had vowed previously, I went ahead to answer her honestly with only the truth – about how the planet revolves around the sun and the idea of water evaporating into clouds and condenses into rain drops etc. She quickly lost her interest on the lengthy explanation though… but still, I couldn’t have been any prouder of her.

And that’s basically all about 2009. Bitter and sweet. Bitter story at work, sweet experience at home. I guess that’s how life ought to be. It won’t be that interesting anymore if everything’s fine at work. I won’t have that much stuff to blog about if that were to happen. In fact, after most of my dumbass colleagues left (Elliott, Mojo Jojo, Rod, etc), I lost about 40% of my inspiration to blog. I hate to admit this but, I kinda missed them when life’s too peaceful at work and there wasn’t anyone dumb enough for me to ridicule at. This blog has been and will always be, revolving around the ridiculous stuff that stupid people do and how I react to them. Without stupid people around me making boners, it’ll be like a titty bar without strippers. The substance will be lost and this whole thing will be nothing but an epic failure.

So I’m taking this hurdle as a cue for a change. I’m going to focus on getting a new job next year, whether or not I get the VSS. And if I were to get a job, hopefully it will be one with a good balance of stupid people and hot ass bimbos… I certainly could use some of that. That will be the main challenge for me in 2010. Wish me luck if you have some to spare.

This will be my last post for 2009. Before I fold, I would like to take the opportunity to wish all of you out there a very Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year.

michaelooi  | flashbacks  | 25 Comments
September 23, 2008

filtering the idiots

My boss asked me this, this morning

Boss: “Michael, what do you think of using a special questionnaire to screen the new engineer for the new job?”

Me: “What do you mean? Like an interview or something?”

We were referring to an idea by the management to get a subcontractor engineer to help out some of our work (you can think of it like hiring somebody’s maid to wash your shitload of laundry). In this case, an interview would be redundant, since we’re not really hiring that guy. We’re just exploiting them at the advantage of being on the higher level the food chain here…

Boss: “Not really an interview, but sort of like a filtering mechanism to make sure that the guy who comes in is competent and suitable”

Me: “Oh you mean, to make sure that they’re not sending us an idiot for the job?”

Boss: “Something like that.”

Me: “Well, we can check his qualifications, if that helps… I’m not too sure if a questionnaire is appropriate… since that guy will not be on our payroll and we don’t have the say to throw him out if he’s an idiot…”

Boss: “I don’t think checking the qualification is sufficient… Just look at Mojo Jojo…”

If you remember him, Mojo Jojo was our parasitic colleague who left to seek for greener pastures (or a bigger host for him to siphon the resources off…). A dick short of a wanker, the epitome of stupidity and retardation. Thank God he left us before we were forced to the verge of committing suicide.

Me: “Touché. That guy has a degree in double E, and yet, he doesn’t know what a fuse is… goddamn…”

Boss: “So, what do you think?”

Me: “I’m ok with the idea.”

And I went on to suggest to get a couple more guys to help plan out the screening criteria – probably not in the form of a questionnaire but, something like a simple test. I was thinking of dumping in a few trigonometry questions, and something that actually tells me of his thinking power… like maybe show him various pictures of excrement from different species of animals, and ask him to identify what type of chocolates they are… etc.

Sad that we have to resort to this but that’s the reality. Any spaz has a qualification nowadays. Modern papers are not given out to the guy who has the right substance anymore, but to the guy who has enough money… if you know what I mean.

michaelooi  | work shit  | 14 Comments
July 7, 2008

my lab is haunted

Apparently. This isn’t the first I heard about it but, it kinda climaxed in the past few weeks. Paranormal shit seems to have increased lately for reasons unknown. I didn’t know about it until last week, when I overheard a conversation between Mojo Jojo and a rookie technician in our lab. Curious, I asked Mojo Jojo about it.

Me : “Dude, I overheard Bala told you he saw something weird?”

Bala is that rookie technician.

Mojo Jojo : “Yeah. He was staying back for overtime one day and he saw one of the chairs moved by itself”

You know, those chairs with wheels? It usually wouldn’t be that surprising if a chair with wheels moves by itself. But when it has stayed static for the past 2 hours and then only it moves by itself, that’s not normal. It must be a fucking ghost or something.

Me : “So how did he react to the situation?”

Mojo Jojo : “He abandoned the lab. And for the record here, he said it was your chair that moved.”

Me : “Wow. Should I feel scared now?”

Mojo Jojo : “His was the third case recently. I encountered something weird myself. Like Bala, I was staying back for overtime when I encountered this strange chilling breeze on my neck, and I saw some shadow movements at the corner of my eyes. Spooky shit”

Me : “So did the ghost caress you or anything?”

I was intending to turn that into an obscene joke, but Mojo Jojo saw it coming…

Mojo Jojo : “It licked my balls and gave me a hand job! Hahahh!”

Me : “Yeah, that’s probably gonna happen tonight”

But the discussion turned serious after that. It appears that Elliot had the worst encounter of all – he actually SAW SOMETHING. According to Mojo Jojo, Elliot’s computer crashed and a green colored dick suddenly stuck out and turkey slapped him blackout. Alright I was just kidding. He actually saw the shadow of a kid roaming around the lab and he felt something entering him through the pores of his skin (I’m not making this up!). Like the rest of the unfortunate guys, he made a quick exit and never came back. All three of them lodged a complain to the manager about their own encounter (as if the manager could issue a ‘show cause letter’ to the ghost… ahaks)

Mojo Jojo thinks that these paranormal encounters became more frequent recently due to the demotivated state of mind we’re all in. He concocted a theory that when our morale’s low, we’re letting our guards down and as a result, are more prone to see/encounter these paranormal shit. I don’t know if I could make myself believe that crap but, I was thinking that it has something to do with one’s intellectual level – the less intelligent a person is, the more likely he’s going to see a fucking ghost. So, it’s between Elliot, Mojo Jojo and Bala (Bala is known to have the IQ level of a rat).

But Mojo Jojo could still have a slightest chance of being right. If he’s right, that would mean the petrol hike did not just make our life more difficult with the inflation and stuff but also, made our asses more prone to encounter ghosts and goblins. (life difficult = less money = more overtime = higher risk of seeing a fucking ghost. See my point?)

If that’s the case, I guess the only practical thing left for us to do is claim for the petrol subsidy (through lottery win or something) when we see a ghost… you know, for the unwanted inconvenience of meeting each other. (by hanging around afterdark, we’re probably disrupting their partying schedule – that’s why they’re trying to spook the shit out of us. Hence, it’s only right if we can make a deal with these underworld beings for the benefit of all…)

michaelooi  | happenings  | 10 Comments