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March 27, 2006

reckless driving in Company X

From: Michael Ooi
Sent: Monday, March 27, 2006 8:31 AM
To: [Security manager]
Cc: [some bosses]
Subject: Reckless Driving in [Company X] car park
Importance: High

[Security manager]
I would like to lodge a complain about a case of reckless driving which I encountered this morning (approx. 8am, 27th March 2006) in our [Company X] parking lot.

I was attempting to reverse (my car) into a particular lot and there was this car, sped past behind the gap where I was trying to reverse (it was accompanied with a few short bursts of frantic honks, which means, the driver was aware of the impending collision). Had it not due to my quick response to brake in time, I would have reversed into that afore mentioned car, and there would have been some unfortunate proceedings.

I am particularly concerned over the fact that we ([Company X], as a reputable company that hires literate employees) have such reckless and inconsiderate driver who doesn’t seem to have the rationale to even adhere a simple traffic rule of thumb – you don’t speed inside a carpark, especially not across the line-of-path of a reversing/parking car.

I’m not sure taking that risk & compulsion to squeeze past that narrow gap between my car and that lot would save that driver some precious seconds that would determine the life and death of a Prime Minister in this country, but if it’s not properly justified, I’m sure it would bring a bad name to not only himself, but [Company X] as a company with high concentration of reckless drivers. (and there goes the countless of road campaigns [Company X] had endorsed in the past…)

As it is not in my power to take any action against the particular individual, I reckoned it would only be pragmatic for me to lodge a complain about this incident to you, and foresee a stern action be taken against this person. (this be highlighted to his working superior? verbal warning? warning letter? death penalty?) – whatever to prevent such incident in future.

Here’s some of the information I managed to gather to aid your proceedings:

Car make: Nissan Sentra 1.6 (Black color)
Number plate: [number plate]
Car owner (through word of mouth) : [the purported asshole]

Kindly forward this to the relevant authority if you’re not the correct person to handle this

Michael Ooi
Failure Analysis Engineer – [Company X].
Direct Line (office): [phone number]
Direct Line (lab) : [phone number]
Direct Fax: [fax number]
*”Mankind has always dreamed of destroying the sun” — Mr. Burns*

What a way to start my Monday morning…

This is what you HAVE TO do to an asshole when you want to remain comfortable in your own circle of civility – send a sissy ass whimpering complain mail to the security head. (he’s the boss, not you).

If this were to occur at a place where civilization is as lost as a dinosaur’s fossilized dick (eg: pasar malam parking lot, MidValley parking lot, etc), it would have involved a whole deal lot of verbal abuses and pitching of steering locks.

Though I favored and chose the civilized method, I bet the latter one would be more fun. Like, what could be better than jamming a steering lock up an asshole’s ass in a Monday morning? Nothing man, not even a blowjob.

I was prompted to call up a HR dude the late afternoon today, and was asked a bunch of questions regarding the alleged incident.

Amongst them were :
– were you trying to park your car or leave the parking lot?
– how did the whole thing happened?


And then, I was assured that he’ll interview the asshole about the incident, and find out why he ‘behaved that way’. As if he’s going to confess about himself being a baaaaaddddd motherfucker, and swig a gallon of my car’s recycled engine oil as retribution…

Mannn, I felt so compelled to tell the HR officer that it’s the way of the assholes… to go against any public decorum that they manage to come across with their puny brain. There’s no explanation why they ‘behave that way’…

I called off the intention anyway, as I wasn’t paid enough to do any extra work of charity… I’ll update if there’s anything interesting.

michaelooi  | traffic shit  | 6 Comments
May 15, 2016

fucking Nepalese

A couple days ago, my car was blocked by a double parking asshole at a shophouse district parking lot. Unsurprisingly, it was an SUV with a registration plate from KL. Oh you know how it is with those KL folks and their propensity to double park anywhere they like – I’ve written about them here.

I checked the car, and there wasn’t a number left on its dashboard so, I had to go around to look for the owner. By the time it was about 10 minutes, I was starting to get pissed off. Since it was just a stone’s throw away from the nearest guard post, I went there to seek for the guards’ help.

Inside the air conditioned small guard post, were 5 foreign workers whom I reckoned were Nepalese. I could tell because I’ve seen their ilks before when I was with Company X a few years back. They look Chinese with slit eyes but, with much darker complexion like they’ve just been dipped in shit sauce and have these distinctive choking accent when they converse in their shitty Malay.

The 5 of them were happily chatting away inside the guard post (why were the 5 guards manning a post? Escapes me) when I approached them.

Me: “Hi, you see that double parking car there? Can you find the owner? It’s blocking my car.”

Nepalese Guard: “You honk.”

Me: “I already did. So, how can you help me now?”

Nepalese Guard: “I can’t help you, sorry.”

Me: “So you’re just going to sit here and do nothing? And how the hell can you allow people to double park like this??”

Nepalese Guard: *goes back to chatting.

Fucking delinquents. I have nothing against these foreign cibais coming to our country to earn a living, but sometimes, it makes you wonder if these people are really here to work or just simply to sit on their asses lazying around here long enough to make quick bucks. In this case here, the guard (5 of them, for that matter) here is simply a presence with no other pragmatic purpose. The parking ticketing system was automated, and all the guard(s) had to do was to ensure everything was in order. And those 5 pieces of cunts from Nepal failed to even do that by allowing assholes to park like the post apocalyptic scene in The Walking Dead.

Anyway, the matter was resolved by our own after that – my wife Emily found the owner when I was walking back from the guard post. The owner was in one of the pubs nearby – a middle aged Chinese bloke with pockmarked face like Abdullah Badawi, who dressed up like a loanshark wannabe, with a hint of mild brain damage from excessive idling in KL traffic. I let him go without an incident after accepting his apology. But I will never forgive the Nepalese. If I ever become a dictator one day, I’m going to fucking invade Nepal.

michaelooi  | rantings  | Comments Off
January 18, 2016

starving uni kids

Recently, there have been news about many Malaysian students starving at local universities, because they’re too poor to afford food. You can find shitloads of articles and sharings around the social medias, I’m sure you guys have come across those info.

To me, it is ridiculous to say one is ‘too poor to afford food’, especially when you’ve gone to the level of attempting to attain a tertiary education. If that’s really happening (starvation because of money problems), then it could only mean one thing – you’re too fucking lazy to live. (also being a whiny bitch)

You see, you get educated at the tertiary level to enhance your knowledge. And that’s suppose to increase your chances to land a job or a career of your choosing… so that you can, hopefully, making money while enjoying doing something you like and continue to live/buy food to survive (success is secondary, believe me). But it’s not a guarantee that completing your tertiary education means you’d even get a job. Most people end up doing things they didn’t study for and earn not enough for that. Bad news here is, if your expectations have been wrong, your degree is not a guarantee for you to get a job. It’s just a paper proof that you have studied for something – that’s where you draw the line (you use that knowledge to market yourself for a job).

So, in that attempt to gain that knowledge, you starve. It means, you have forgone the fundamental key of survival – that is, to source for food to survive – in your quest to get knowledge. In that case, what’s the point of gaining that knowledge or get that paper proof? What’s the use if you can’t even find food to survive? In the caveman days, you’d be long dead if you’re lazy. Why bother to study if you’re lazy or useless like this? Like I said, it’s ridiculous.

Back in my days, when I can’t afford to not work and study, I had to work full time and did my engineering part time. It was a time without internet, and I didn’t know there’s such thing as a study loan – because none of my parents completed tertiary education or knew shit. I didn’t go to uni because I didn’t get a credit for BeeEm because of an accident (long story), so I had to go for a part time study at private college, which was expensive and it had to be out from the pocket (silly me, could have taken a loan and skipped paying like my frieds $%^&*#). By doing a full time job and a part time study, I could afford enough money to pay for my semester fees (my parents paid partial, I paid the other half) to do my engineering.

And I never starved. I ate curry rice (white rice with shitloads of curry) with some okra beans for the first 2 years everyday when my wage was barely enough (400 bucks per month, no overtime), and my meals gradually improved when I changed to a higher paying job with shitloads of overtime halfway through the engineering (that was Company X). That was when I had to work from 7am to 7pm (with overtime in), and attended engineering classes from 7pm – 10pm every Mon, Wed, Fri. And I had to attend full day classes during the weekends. I did it with no loan, no starving and no bitching.

To top off with that, I scored 2 promotions and was already an associate engineer before I got my diploma. And I could afford to went on dates too. Went for a couple of vacations from my excessive overtime money as well. My life was tough but I still managed to pay rents with a little less sleep + hardwork (less sleep because I was addicted to gaming at the same time). It was taxing and tiring, no doubt, but hey… if you’re not prepared to work hard for it, then you already lost. Just like this bunch of starving whiny uni kids.

Go get a job and re-evaluate your priorities, you cheebyes…

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off
April 28, 2014

if you want a job, be reasonably convincing

I received an email from an ex-colleague a week ago, telling me that he had taken a voluntary separation package and is now looking for a job. He was checking with me if my place is hiring, and whether I could hook him up to something. I had completely forgotten about the existence of this guy until I saw his email. Took me a few minutes to recall him from my tucked away memory, actually. He was one of the quality engineers (my junior) at Company X. Wasn’t a standout guy, as he was quite a reserved person (that explains why it was hard to remember him), but I remembered him to be a hardworking fellow (maybe it was for the overtime, I don’t know).

Not wanting to be a jerk, I politely told him that my workplace Company T has frozen all hirings, but assured him I’d help to ask a few friends in Company Y instead. That was how I had him to send me his resume, which I took the liberty to read. And my fucking god, you wouldn’t believe what this guy wrote in his resume. It was like reading him trying to convince people to not hire him. His resume was a fucking mess. He has like, dozens of spelling errors (some are ludicrous) and a tonne of shit that no one could understand. I have seen this kind of things go wrong before – forwarding an asswipe friend’s resume that looked like a disaster to a prospective hiring manager, only to get rejected due to a bad first paragraph. The comment was – “How the hell could I trust the guy to do a decent job if he can’t even fucking spell his company name properly??”

I would say spot on and served him right. You have to be reasonably convincing if you are looking for a fucking job. Before people can see your strength, they first look at your flaws. If your flaws are bad enough, they won’t bother about your strength. That’s why I proof read my resume hundreds of times and I do spell check on every goddamned word – just so that I don’t get into a fuck-up like this. (and of course, I also gave a lot of thought on how to structure my resume properly to control the intended perception of the reader). And this guy being an engineer, couldn’t even spell ‘electric’ properly (it wasn’t even the correct word in that context). So I did him some good, I sent him this email today… thought of sharing it here so that you fucking amateurs can wake the hell up and put some effort in convincing people that you’re not a slob :

Dey friend,
I noticed your resume has a lot of spelling errors lar… eg “costumer”. Costumer and customer different things lar macha. And many more.

If you really are serious to look for a place to go, you need to first get your resume right. First impression is the most important thing.
Do some spell check. Get someone to help proof read your resume.

You can also improve by putting in your achievements – like, “Reduced 25% line reject rate in Q2’2010 for Hard Disk drive” ,… or “Completed 3 BPI (Business Process Improvement) projects with combined savings of >USD150k, with multiple green belt certification”.

Your achievements should be longer than your responsibilities. Write it in such a way that not only Company X people can understand, but everyone in general (A HR manager has no engineering background, will be the first to go through your resume).

Your responsibilities, no need to put details like CLCA et al. People just don’t care. Just put general, like
– “Responsible to handle escalations from manufacturing and external customer”,
– “Liaise with commodity vendor to sustain and improve overall commodity quality”.

Your resume should be arranged like this :
1) Summary on your experience and expertise (strength), and what you are (a quality engineer). Should be in a paragraph less than 200 words. Must be the first thing people see. Make it catching and powerful. Get help if you don’t know how to write.
2) List your workplace + responsibilities + achievements/experience. More content for more recent work. The technician years, you can just summarize as short as possible (not important – people don’t care what you did 10 years ago).
3) Finally, your qualification and skills (a short one will do). Don’t list all your job training bulat-bulat. Skills should be something like your ace of the trade – “Lean Six Sigma”, “Certified BPI green belt”, “Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer”, “Toastmaster”. etc.

Confine within 2 pages if necessary (max 3). Put your referrals in a separate attachment (referrals are useless). Hope the info helps.

[I’ve already forwarded your resume to my friend… but i think his department is also freeze on hiring. Better get your resume fixed first… before you send it all over the world]

If any of you guys don’t understand the content of the email, that’s because you’re not local enough and you should fucking die.

P/S: Managed to hook him up to an interview, but he didn’t get the fucking job. Peace be with him.

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | Comments Off
December 23, 2013

2013 roll up

I find myself not capable of expressing myself properly as of late. Not sure why but, I guess it must be an age thing. That probably explains the lack of content in this blog, which used to be like, updated everyday. But not anymore. Any insight to write anything is quick to lost in procrastination. Whatever I can gather, I made a pathetic effort to update it once a week or some shit like that. I find gratification in being left alone, not doing anything. It’s definitely an age thing. It has to be. I turned 36 this year, and majority of my co-workers are years younger than me and that has got to be depressing for some people. If my life is to be graphically represented by a download bar, you’d see the colored progress at 50% right now. Shit isn’t going to look pretty from this age on, and 2013 will be the beginning of those things. Fuck if it’s not an age thing.

Work life in ‘Company T’ has been somewhat mundanely good, but it is mostly boring. The most exciting thing that has ever happened to me there, was seeing how people bicker over simplest of things to get done (eg: it took 2 months for a couple of managers to map out the office cubicle seating for a group of no less than 20 people – how about that?). Company T, like Company X, is a massive corporation tangled up in a big messy ball of bureaucratic yarn. Your shit never gets done here. Not before it has gone through the reproductive systems of fuckloads of people and out of their assholes several times before it finally gets – at most – partially done. If you were to ask me, I’d prefer the pace of work in Company Y – you know, in spite of the lack of budget and shittier environment, perpetual work rhythm keeps us engineers sharp when everything we do has a direct interaction and shows its immediate effect. (If you do not know what I’m talking about, nevermind). Company T, in its bid to be a great place to work, has inadvertently became a breeding ground for sloths, and engineers are molded into delinquents that are never going to adapt well in the harsh environment of this cruel world. Just like that dickwad in my team who took it up to the management to have me investigated for a harassment charge when I ‘diplomatically castigated’ him for not getting his shit done in the right way (go search for the post – I’ve written about it). People back during my days used to get much severe rebuke than that, and we toughen up instead of getting pussier like this motherfucking piece of shit here.

Anyway, apart from fading into obscurity inside this capsule of timeless fluorescent space, I’ve also been busy going to fetch my daughter from the school everyday. I had to battle the traffic against the hordes of inconsiderate drivers just to reach the school on time, and it gets worse when I encounter an inclement weather. And her schoolbag, oh my fucking god, is so damn heavy that schoolbags now have to have wheels on them. I don’t remember it was this fucking hard for my parents. I lugged my schoolbag myself (which was like, 90% lighter than it is today), and I could take a bus without worrying about being kidnapped/raped by sickos out there. But it is all so different now. We can never let our children take a bus alone anymore. The country has gotten so fucked up, that even adults get kidnapped and raped in the broad daylight. That’s why the traffic has gotten worse, everyone fucking drives a car to fetch their kids from school themselves, and it is the system that is to be blamed, not the people.

So there you go, a typical life of a working father – not much fanfare or colors. Just to strive daily for survival and time for the kid as a responsible parent. Not much prospect at career either (At this age and time, I should be grateful for having a job instead of bumming). I definitely hope 2014 would be better, but I seriously doubt it’d be any different from this year.

[I’m not going to be writing until next year – so, Merry Christmas or whatever]

michaelooi  | flashbacks  | Comments Off