Archive for 2019

May 3, 2019

‘Z’

Anyone noticed that some people could not pronounce the letter ‘Z’ properly? It sounded like they’re trying to pronounce a ‘J’ instead. Like the word zoo? They’d go ‘joo’. Jacuzzi would be called ‘jacuji’. Zombie would be ‘jombie’. Zero will be ‘jilo’. Fucking hilarious shit. *wipes tears*
I noticed that this speech impediment affects mostly the Chinese educated folks. I thought it was an education thingy, but there are some Chinese ed people I know who aren’t like that at all.

So what the fuck is this all about?

michaelooi  | ramblings  | Comments Off
April 17, 2019

the principal engineer that looked like Momo…

… is a bitch.

A little backstory. Part of my work at Company T, is to develop a test with automation for a prototype product, that is non existent anywhere in this world. Although it sounded kinda awesome but it’s a bitch of a work if you think about it. Because nothing like it has ever existed, a lot of the stuff that we do, involves a hell lot of calculated chances, especially the automation hardware that goes into it. We have to wade through the pool of unknown shit before we can get our job done. You get the idea.

Because we’re not perfect at maths, a lot of those ‘calculated chances’ occasionally manifests as failures… just like those countless of rockets the Nasa guys wrecked before they’re finally able to send something to the outer fucking space. And when shit like this happens, we jump into the mess to figure out what went wrong, and fix the damn shit to put the whole thing back on track (it’s part of our job). One would think that our line work should consist of some of the smartest people on the planet to be able to pull off this kind of shit, but that’s a fucking major oversight. Believe it or not, a lot of the people involved in my project are no more than a regular dumbass that fools the everyday public.

One of them was this middle aged principal engineer bitch called “Momo”. Before I continue, I have to explain that a principal engineer is very big deal in Company T. It’s like, the fucking Jedi High Council master in Star Wars, or one of the Eminent Persons in Dr.M’s government. They’re paid like the directors, and they have the say in every fucking matter. And they’re supposed to be the smartest of us all. So, when a principal engineer asks you something, it usually means some serious shit is going to hit the fan…

Case in point was this engineering mess we’re in. In the midst of it all, this – afore mentioned – principal engineer bitch sent an email asking this question “Why didn’t you guys prevent the failures from happening?”

That’s like asking doctors why they can’t prevent people from getting cancer. Everyone who read the email were shocked, especially me, who had no clue who this Momo was. I checked her profile via the company database, found that she looked like that ugly meme character “Momo”, and has fuck tonnes of engineers reporting under her belt. I immediately knew she’s not someone I should shoot a sarcastic reply at… So I asked one of the managers whom I work with

“Eh, who is this ugly hag ah? Who the fuck asks this kind of question?”
“She’s a principal engineer. She is the boss of the [manufacturing team who screwed up a lot]”
“A principal engineer? Seriously?? How can a principal engineer ask this kind of retarded question??”
“No idea.”
“Fucking bitch”

Her email remained in everyone’s mailbox for days, unreplied. In the end, the matter was forgotten and everyone moved on. But Momo would continue to stir shit up that nobody could fathom what her intended effect was. In the end, we solved the problem, and she remained a bitch.

michaelooi  | ...is a bitch, work shit  | Comments Off
April 1, 2019

Penang lingo

Say, you walk along a stretch of eateries in Penang, and you see this sign in front of a beverage stall.

It says “hot(s)”… which means hot drinks, small size. Alright, very straight forward. Then there’s of course, “hot(b)”… hot drinks, large. Ok.
There’s also “cold”, no size option though, just iced… hmmm… Then there’s this odd thing called “park” (see pic above). What the fuck is “park”? They charge your drinks with your parking fee??

Ahaa… adik-adik sekalian… that’s a Penang lingo. It literally means, ‘tied’ in Hokkien. Doesn’t mean shit in that context but it is understandable that when you buy something from a beverage stall, or any stall that sells drinks in Penang, “park” means ‘take-away’ here. You see, the way we ‘take-away’ our drinks in Penang (or Malaysia), is to tie a raffia string to the side of a plastic bag containing the drink, and you can guess why it is called “park”. No styrofoam or cardboard cup bullshit, just plain old plastic bag. Full phrase is called “park piya” (tied at the side, straw on the other side), or “park ka liao” (tied completely, straw packed separately). If it’s just “park”, the default should be tied to the side, straw sticking out.

I don’t have a picture of it here, but you can head over to this page, item #6 – https://www.theodysseyonline.com/10-fun-facts-malaysia

So why the hell is it more expensive then? Because of the volume, my friend. A “parked” drink has about 20 – 30% more content, inclusive of the ice of course… But this is of minuscule in scale if compared to say, a grande sized Starbucks coffee… which could buy you around 5 – 6 packs of “parked” (and more superior) iced coffee…

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | Comments Off
March 11, 2019

Regine’s happy song

I remembered one particular day in life, when my daughter Regine was about 5, she came home from her nursery in a jovial mood, sang to us a silly tune with the following gibberish:

“Chick ker Chick ker chong…. Chai ker chai ker chai ker…”

We could not figure out what was she singing about, but it was funny. She’d sing the tune repeatedly through the day, always with a smile. For some reason, the tune lifted up everyone’s mood in the house, and she just won’t stop singing.

Puzzled, my wife asked Regine, “What was that song you’re singing?”

With her high pitched voice (as always), she proudly said “It was from Miss Leong’s phone.” What she meant was, she heard it from her teacher’s ringtone at the nursery.

On the next day, my wife checked with the teacher – out of curiosity – on what was the ringtone that she had on her phone. When the teacher played the tune on her phone to my wife, it turned out to be some Japanese anime song from a cartoon show, but it was nothing like how my Regine sang it. Anyway, the silly “chick ker” song that Regine created herself, burned into our minds permanently like Intel’s semiconductor fuse bits, and it reminded us of the great times of bringing up this little human being we created. Whenever I am down, I’d think of that day she sang this song to us and it makes everything ok again.

At 13 years old now, my Regine spends most of her time buried in her homework and Youtube, if not texting with her friends. I’d occasionally hum the tune of this song to her, but she’d look at me like I am out of my mind. Oh, how I missed those days when she was just the size of a huggable soft toy. Now, she’s about the size of a river crocodile.

michaelooi  | 3-of-us  | Comments Off
March 7, 2019

“A Prayer Before Dawn” (2017)

I stumbled into this gem of a flick by chance. Normally, with a title like that (which is boring and corny as fuck), unimpressive rating (it hasn’t got a good rating in IMDB or tomatoes), and the list of unknown cast like that (although some of the Thai actors apparently are famous in their own right), I’d normally take a pass at such suspiciously B-grade low budget indie movie. But for some reason, something has drawn me to it. Maybe because it was because it has got the words ‘muay thai’ and ‘prison’ in its description.

It was a surprisingly good watch. Not for the faint hearted but, you’d know what I mean if you’ve watched it (irony). This is the kind of movie that will make you squirm and gasp and freak out. The environment makes you feel and smell things, and would continue to haunt you even way after it is over. Little of it has to do with brutal fighting or action though, unlike how I originally anticipated, but more on psychologically haunting – quite contrary from its description as ‘drama’.

Story’s about a British guy who got hauled to prison in Thailand for drug possession, and got caged in a small overcrowded communal prison space with a bunch of other Thai prisoners. Being a white guy, he attracted a lot of attention and the story details about his daily struggle in the prison. There’s this super fucked up disturbing scene where some of the dominant prison inmates dragged a skinny ass guy and gang raped him at night, much to the horror of the protagonist in this story. I fucking squirmed like a roly poly, and this prison rape scene haunted me for days. The even more fucked up thing was, the guy who got raped sounded a lot like a counterpart of mine at work, and whenever I am in the meeting hearing that counterpart’s voice, I’d think of this prison rape scene (FML). There’s also the romance between this British farang and a transgender guy in the prison, and they actually made out. Fucking disturbing to the max!

Anyway, I can’t help but admire the work of whoever that cinematographed the whole flick. It was gritty, real and very immersive. Plot’s a bit weak, but it was the projected environment that made the watch enjoyable. The director did a good job conveying the experience to the viewer through a masterful use of the camera and set. I read around that the movie is based on a true story, but the events in the movie were spiced up for ‘creativity and dramatic purposes’. *shudders* I’d rate it 8 out of 10.

michaelooi  | movie reviews  | Comments Off