Archive for June, 2019

June 10, 2019

Regine wants a pet 2

My daughter Regine has always wanted a pet. She has harped me about wanting a pet since she was 6. Back then, we placated her with a couple of goldfish, which turned out to be a disaster. Lately, she told me she wanted a pet cat. I said no because cats are fucked up. I gave her many reasons.

Firstly, all our furniture will be gone. The fucking cat’s gonna claw the shit out of them, along with everything that lies in its path (our electronics, adapters, chargers, cables, settop box, tv… goddamn). Secondly, there’s going to be fur everywhere. Believe me when I say, no matter how short a cat’s fur is, it’s going to shed like no tomorrow (I know this because I have friends who are cat owners). I have enough human hairs to vacuum weekly, I can’t deal with the extra fur from 1 more cat. Thirdly, hygiene. I know cats preen themselves and they should be cleaner than a goddamn dog. But that’s not enough. Think about it. Do cats wipe/clean their ass after they poo? And that cat’s going to use the same ass to sit on our beds/furniture/face. How can anyone not find that disgusting?? (come to think of it, this applies to dogs as well).

So, no cats. She should feel grateful already that I allowed a daughter to dwell with us.

michaelooi  | 3-of-us  | Comments Off
June 2, 2019

things that make my day

It was the long weekend and I was at Cecil Street with my family to grab a lunch. As expected, the place was crowded with outstation weekenders, it was chaotic there. It was hot, humid, smoky, shoulders to shoulders with strangers… and we were struggling to find a table.

As I inched through the madness, I spotted a table, right in front of my favorite coffee stall. “Damn!” I thought, the planets must have aligned to my favor that day… and promptly made a beeline to the table, sat myself there. As soon as I sat down, there stood this obese middle aged lady with a Karen hairstyle dyed shit brown who probably is against vaccination, glowering at me like I had punched her huge fat tits with a knuckle duster with spikes. She must have set eyes on that table from far, but was taken by me first. I could see the disappointment in her eyes, and there was a little bit of her soul that died inside her that moment.

I don’t know why but, the whole thing sort of made my day that day. First getting the table, and second, seeing that fat Karen’s disappointment of not getting that table. Hell, even the food tasted better, for some unfathomable reasons. I’m a sick, sick, man. ;-D

michaelooi  | ramblings  | Comments Off