Archive for May, 2019

May 25, 2019

moron from KL

Morons from KL come to Penang all the time. They like the cheap and good food here. But with them, they bring their decadent driving habits.

Met one in a Lexus SUV today – his car stopped in the middle of his lane on a 2 way narrow street (his indicator was on, he was waiting for someone I reckon). I was coming from the opposite direction, and the car in front of me pulled to a stop to drop off someone. So I had no choice but to maneuver around the car in front of mine to overtake. But when I swerved out, this Lexus high beamed me repeatedly from its stationary position, which in car language in Malaysia – is equivalent to ‘get out of my way you fucking asshole!’. He was about a good 20 meters away.

Not knowing why or what his problem was, I high beamed him back ‘get out of my way you fucking asshole’. So when I drove past his driver side window, I slowed down to take a good look at this retarded specimen of a biological waste – he looked like one of the goons in Kungfu Hustle that begged to be punched in the face. He was glowering at me like I have just killed his entire family. So I did what’s best to diffuse the situation, I showed him the local Penang sign language to assure him our hospitality of his antics here. He reciprocated with a mad honk to the steering like someone had just ran over his pet dog. Too bad the air bag didn’t inflate, it’d have been cool.

michaelooi  | experiences  | Comments Off
May 16, 2019

nipple girl

There’s this girl at my workplace, whom I subconsciously refer as ‘the nipple girl’. No I do not know this person, she’s from another team. I’ve just seen her around. She earned that moniker because she has huge nipples. No, I have not seen her nipples raw before, just the impression… you know… from her embossed nipples. You see, no matter what she wears everyday, her nipples will get embossed out, leaving very little else to imagine. Just like that Jennifer Aniston, except hers are much bigger. About the size of a vehicle wheel lug nut I estimate. Huge motherfucking nipples. Warps the space time continuum. In case anyone’s wondering on the looks’ department, I’d say she’s about a 5, slender with an A cup, slightly cross eyed, with a little buck teeth, good complexion. Bronn would fuck her, so would the bunch of nerds following her around.

And that, is the perk of having people like her around. Nerds would go all over her. You hire one like her, she’d get the workforce of a few folds in return. It was all the work of the nipples. I wonder why my boss haven’t figure that out already – hire a huge nippled girl and get a few free headcounts helping out to get jobs done. That’s how great things are accomplished. Great men have fallen in battles for less than huge nipples.

michaelooi  | characters  | Comments Off
May 6, 2019


I recently accompanied someone to a prominent hospital in Penang for a consultation job. It was the same hospital that I frequented back when my old man was sick. I remember having to sit there for hours, just to wait for our turn to be seen by the doctor. Never mind if you have an appointment because it doesn’t mean shit. It was like we’re begging to be cured by God. Fucking shit. And it hasn’t changed. That trip turned out to be a half day event, for a 5 minutes time with the doctor.

All of this stemmed from gross inefficiency. We had to contend with screwed up queue system to register the patient, for the actual consultation, for the payment and for the medication (if any, usually yes because that’s how the hospital earn from your sick ass). We’d see nurses carrying thick stacks of chits in files, yelling patients’ names in the ocean of weary people (often mispronouncing because apparently, there’re a lot of Indonesians seeking medical treatments in our country). We’d see people walking everywhere and wheelchairs hogging the corridors. It was the same thing 15 years ago, and they’re as inefficient today. If we in engineering and manufacturing are as inefficient as these hospitals are, we’d all be jobless by now.

We’re in the 21st century for fuck’s sake, someone should do something about the hospitals.

michaelooi  | rantings  | Comments Off
May 3, 2019


Anyone noticed that some people could not pronounce the letter ‘Z’ properly? It sounded like they’re trying to pronounce a ‘J’ instead. Like the word zoo? They’d go ‘joo’. Jacuzzi would be called ‘jacuji’. Zombie would be ‘jombie’. Zero will be ‘jilo’. Fucking hilarious shit. *wipes tears*
I noticed that this speech impediment affects mostly the Chinese educated folks. I thought it was an education thingy, but there are some Chinese ed people I know who aren’t like that at all.

So what the fuck is this all about?

michaelooi  | ramblings  | Comments Off