Archive for April, 2019

April 17, 2019

the principal engineer that looked like Momo…

… is a bitch.

A little backstory. Part of my work at Company T, is to develop a test with automation for a prototype product, that is non existent anywhere in this world. Although it sounded kinda awesome but it’s a bitch of a work if you think about it. Because nothing like it has ever existed, a lot of the stuff that we do, involves a hell lot of calculated chances, especially the automation hardware that goes into it. We have to wade through the pool of unknown shit before we can get our job done. You get the idea.

Because we’re not perfect at maths, a lot of those ‘calculated chances’ occasionally manifests as failures… just like those countless of rockets the Nasa guys wrecked before they’re finally able to send something to the outer fucking space. And when shit like this happens, we jump into the mess to figure out what went wrong, and fix the damn shit to put the whole thing back on track (it’s part of our job). One would think that our line work should consist of some of the smartest people on the planet to be able to pull off this kind of shit, but that’s a fucking major oversight. Believe it or not, a lot of the people involved in my project are no more than a regular dumbass that fools the everyday public.

One of them was this middle aged principal engineer bitch called “Momo”. Before I continue, I have to explain that a principal engineer is very big deal in Company T. It’s like, the fucking Jedi High Council master in Star Wars, or one of the Eminent Persons in Dr.M’s government. They’re paid like the directors, and they have the say in every fucking matter. And they’re supposed to be the smartest of us all. So, when a principal engineer asks you something, it usually means some serious shit is going to hit the fan…

Case in point was this engineering mess we’re in. In the midst of it all, this – afore mentioned – principal engineer bitch sent an email asking this question “Why didn’t you guys prevent the failures from happening?”

That’s like asking doctors why they can’t prevent people from getting cancer. Everyone who read the email were shocked, especially me, who had no clue who this Momo was. I checked her profile via the company database, found that she looked like that ugly meme character “Momo”, and has fuck tonnes of engineers reporting under her belt. I immediately knew she’s not someone I should shoot a sarcastic reply at… So I asked one of the managers whom I work with

“Eh, who is this ugly hag ah? Who the fuck asks this kind of question?”
“She’s a principal engineer. She is the boss of the [manufacturing team who screwed up a lot]”
“A principal engineer? Seriously?? How can a principal engineer ask this kind of retarded question??”
“No idea.”
“Fucking bitch”

Her email remained in everyone’s mailbox for days, unreplied. In the end, the matter was forgotten and everyone moved on. But Momo would continue to stir shit up that nobody could fathom what her intended effect was. In the end, we solved the problem, and she remained a bitch.

michaelooi  | ...is a bitch, work shit  | Comments Off
April 1, 2019

Penang lingo

Say, you walk along a stretch of eateries in Penang, and you see this sign in front of a beverage stall.

It says “hot(s)”… which means hot drinks, small size. Alright, very straight forward. Then there’s of course, “hot(b)”… hot drinks, large. Ok.
There’s also “cold”, no size option though, just iced… hmmm… Then there’s this odd thing called “park” (see pic above). What the fuck is “park”? They charge your drinks with your parking fee??

Ahaa… adik-adik sekalian… that’s a Penang lingo. It literally means, ‘tied’ in Hokkien. Doesn’t mean shit in that context but it is understandable that when you buy something from a beverage stall, or any stall that sells drinks in Penang, “park” means ‘take-away’ here. You see, the way we ‘take-away’ our drinks in Penang (or Malaysia), is to tie a raffia string to the side of a plastic bag containing the drink, and you can guess why it is called “park”. No styrofoam or cardboard cup bullshit, just plain old plastic bag. Full phrase is called “park piya” (tied at the side, straw on the other side), or “park ka liao” (tied completely, straw packed separately). If it’s just “park”, the default should be tied to the side, straw sticking out.

I don’t have a picture of it here, but you can head over to this page, item #6 – https://www.theodysseyonline.com/10-fun-facts-malaysia

So why the hell is it more expensive then? Because of the volume, my friend. A “parked” drink has about 20 – 30% more content, inclusive of the ice of course… But this is of minuscule in scale if compared to say, a grande sized Starbucks coffee… which could buy you around 5 – 6 packs of “parked” (and more superior) iced coffee…

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | Comments Off