July 11, 2018

football & loogie

I was wondering, with so many players spitting into the field during a football match, how much loogie actually ended up on the players’ head/hair?

You see, every time a camera pans to a player, you’re bound to see that fucker spit something onto the field. There are 22 players in a field, and I can assume that half of them do that all the time. Let’s assume, 2 spits every 1 minute (very conservative estimate, the number could be much much higher). So, during an entire match, 180 spits from 11 players (let’s not count the extra time, and also the linesmen/referee). That’s like, 1980 spits.

You divide that shit evenly across the area of the field, that’s like, a quarter spit in each meter square (a football field is 7140 square meters). But we all know there’s no such thing as a quarter spit so, let’s put it a 25% chance of hitting a spit at each square meter (I’m not sure if that’s how it worked out but, that’s my logic) when it is close to the end of the match. But because that’s a rolling ball, you can bet your ass that it is accumulative throughout the game (not mentioning, the stale spits left over from the past matches). Meaning, if a ball travels the distance it has to go in a match, every square meter has a 25% chance of coming in contact with some asswipe’s phlegm/loogie, when it is close to the end of the match (disregarding the past matches factor). And that shit gets rolled over to the next square meter, gets the same chance of contacting a loogie, repeated again, and again. The whole ball is definitely going to be full of slime by the end of the match, even if they change the ball regularly.

But anyway, it is bad enough to roll around for a few minutes on the field (those who fake injuries like Neymar, has a 100% chancee of getting in contact with someone’s loogie). You take the area of the head contacting the ball during a header, divide it with the total area of the football – you get the % of chance of a loogie getting into someone’s head/hair/face (I’m just too lazy to do the math) on every encounter.

So, what the fuck? If you don’t see the problem here, go google for Hepatitis C, B or Herpes. Players who spit into the field should be given a red card.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 

The commenting function has been disabled.