June 17, 2018

discipline your kids

I got into a sushi restaurant and took my seat. A short moment later, I heard this sharp squealing that originated from 2 tables away that sent out shock wave throughout the restaurant, triggering scorn from every patron inside the space. I looked over, and it was this little girl of no more than 4 years of age from a Malay family. The alpha male of the family, which I assume was the dad, was sitting beside this mad little fella. The dad had a full beard on him and he looked like someone you shouldn’t mess with. But despite that, the little girl were totally oblivious to that and went on screaming for a plate of sushi that she wanted on the conveyor. The dad, with a grim expression, complied her request and kid stopped screaming. This went on again and again, except for once when the dad decided that it was enough, to which the little girl went full scale meltdown. She spat stuff and started flailing her little arms, and screamed like she was possessed by an ancient demon from Sumeria. Dad of course caved, and again, gave her what she wanted (not sure because they were attracting a lot of attention, or simply because he was piss scared of his possessed daughter). It was an excruciating scene to see.

…which prompted me to notice – why do most Malay parents spoil their kids? I don’t see them spank their kids. I see shit like this all too many times. They let their children climb all over their heads, and they’d do nothing about it. When their children screamed at them, they’d relent to their way, and give them what they wanted. And I can tell that this has gone on since the old days (not just modern parents). I have many Malay friends, a lot of them had no authorities like what we Chinese/Indian kids had back in my time. The worst of the lot was a friend called Ariza. He lived 1 floor down from my old apartment. That guy screamed at his mom like she’s a slave to him. His dad was a burly and big guy, and Ariza screamed at his dad too. Occasionally when his mom go against his will, he’d go “PUKI PUNYA MAMA!! CIBAI PUNYA MAMA!!” – and half the block could hear him yelling that. The mama would look indifferent like a camel chewing cud and the dad would continue to read his newspapers. Ariza got what he wanted most of the time and he could come and leave anytime he wanted. If it was me, I’d have died because my mom would have beaten me to death.

And it’s not just about spanking your kids really. If one is ignorant/dumb enough to reach to the state of disrespecting his/her own parents, then it’s already quite late in the game. Like a advanced stage cancer. The parents would be considered a failure already. This has to be cultivated since the early age, teaching them about respecting the authorities and what are considered cardinal sins. I have never beaten my daughter before – not because I let her climb all over my head, but because I never have to. From an early age, we taught her what was acceptable and what was not, and it’s all psychological. In that kind of household, she automatically learned herself how things goes and got the gist of it. She’s never thrown a tantrum, never wailed like that banshee kid at the sushi restaurant and never gave us troubles in the cinema – because she knew those things would only get her more troubles (she just knew it). And now, when my daughter sees a scene like this, she could immediately relate and say “what was she thinking?”

But for me, it’s more like, what are the parents doing? Fucking discipline your kids already. Raise them up to be ‘berbudi bahasa‘ and ‘bertimbang rasa‘, not some spoilt kotek who goes around wrecking stuff when he/she doesn’t get what he/she wants. Teach them to reason. Spank them to let them know how to respect the authority. Do this instead of signing petitions or holding candle light vigils or breaking beer bottles in public. It all starts in the family. It’s better than you discipline them now than them learning it the hard way in the prison.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 

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