Archive for January, 2018

January 27, 2018

customer service

A few weeks ago, my vacuum cleaner died on me. Fortunately, it was still under warranty so, I sent it for repair. Fast forward a couple of weeks later, I received a phonecall. A young lady with a sweet voice greeted me from the other side…

Customer service: “Hi Mr. Ooi, I am Sweetvoice calling from Acme appliances. You sent your vacuum cleaner for a warranty claim 2 weeks ago?”

Me: “Hi, yes I did. Any problem?”

Customer service: “Oh, no problem at all. Just calling you to tell you that it’s done. We had to replace its motor.”

Me: “Great! So when can I collect the vacuum cleaner?”

Customer service: “Ermm, collect the vacuum cleaner? I… don’t know.”

Me: “So it’s not available for collection yet?”

Customer service: “I… don’t think so.”

Me: “Then, what is this phone call all about?”

Customer service: “To tell you about the repair, that it has been completed.”

Me: “No, I’m confused. So, you called to tell me that it’s completed but I can’t collect it?”

Customer service: “I… don’t know. Let me check with my senior…”

Me: “Ok…”

[she put me on hold, came back about 15 secs later]

Customer service: “Sorry Mr. Ooi, I’m actually new at work. I don’t know what should I do next. I’ll call you back when I have more information…” [kept on apologizing profusely…]

Me: “Ok…”

It’s a wonder how a sweet voice could have averted disaster of people shouting at her for being such a screw up.

michaelooi  | phonecalls  | Comments Off
January 6, 2018

porcine Japanese woman in the laundry room

We were in Kyoto. I was having some winter itch and had to spent my time alone, naked, in the bathroom with a tub of vaseline (I purposely made it sound obscene but, it is actually not), so my wife Emily had to do the laundry that night.

Off she went to the hotel’s communal laundry room… but unfortunately, all the (coin operated) washing machines were occupied so, she decided to wait in that room with our bag of dirty laundry as one of the machines was about to finish washing. (but none of the owners were there so, she was alone when she waited in the laundry room). Then a short moment later, in came this fat Japanese woman with a bag of laundry. Seeing that all the machines were in use, she sat next to my wife on the bench waiting, and then struck up a friendly conversation.

She seemed fine at first, until my wife realized that she had a motive. She wanted to go first on the laundry, which seemed odd because the Japanese are known to be courteous people. I guess she must be one of those odd ones that didn’t make it within the standard deviation of the Japanese society. Not wanting to upset her, Emily iterated to the fat Japanese lady politely that she had to wait for her turn to do the laundry, which wouldn’t be up for quite some time. That was when things went wrong.

The fat lady snapped, and started to yell (that was what Emily told me) in Japanese. She was trying to reason that she only had very little amount of clothes (in barely intelligible English), and then started to bitch her remaining gibberish in Japanese. Shocked, Emily tried to ignore her and continued waiting. But she couldn’t help but notice the eccentricities of that fat Japanese lady who then resorted to talk to herself, raucously picking her nose and eating her own boogers like they were green tea flavored snacks.

By this time, Emily was really scared. Short of turning her head 360 degress and puking green slime, the fat Japanese lady looked like she’s possessed or something. Much to her relief, one of the owners then turned up to collect the finished laundry, and Emily quickly dumped our laundry into the machine and bailed the place a.s.a.p. When she left the room, the possessed fat Japanese lady was still talking to herself.

This was immediately channeled to me when Emily got back to the hotel room. I was urged to go to the laundry room to check on our laundry, in fear that the crazy Japanese woman might do something to our clothes. But because the machines had a locking mechanism with password protection, I decided to only do it when the laundry was done, which was about 1.5 hours later. When I went there, the lady was still sitting on the bench in the laundry room. But she wasn’t talking to herself… just sitting there, with a bag of laundry… waiting. I quickly went to grab the clothes, and then left the room promptly. To my surprise, she wasn’t as fat as I thought (it was different from how my wife described her) and she seemed pretty normal. So I clarified with my wife when I got back to the hotel room:

“I think I saw that lady, she’s still waiting there. But she seemed normal”
“Eeeewh… She’s still there??”
“Yeah, but she’s not talking to herself. She’s in a dark blue overalls, right?”
“Yes”
“Long hair? Not too old? in her 30’s?”
“Yes”
“But she doesn’t look fat. She looks normal. Not skinny, but normal.”
“No, she’s fat. Obese.”
“Couldn’t be. The lady I saw wasn’t obese. And she’s not talking to herself or eating boogers. Maybe she’s a different person.” (she could’ve ran out of topics and out of boogers, I reckon – but certainly she couldn’t shapeshift).
“I don’t know, could be her.”

Shapeshifting demon that could project herself to different people? Creepy. Fucking Japanese creeps. Someone with better imagination should make this into a horror movie plot… We can title the horror flick as ‘A night at the laundry room’…

michaelooi  | experiences  | Comments Off