December 6, 2017

BackAlley ChickenShack restaurant

So, Bill the restaurant owner of BackAlley ChickenShack hired someone from the corporate – a middle aged lady named CrookedNippleRing – to take over managing the day to day activities of his busy restaurant. One of the very first change that CrookedNippleRing introduced, was the kitchen helper’s duties.

You see, the job of a kitchen helper in BackAlley ChickenShack is not an easy one, being understaffed and all that. He had to support the chef and prepare the ingredients, procure the raw materials for planned menus and even to take out the trash (now that Arun the janitor had been fired). So CrookedNippleRing went to the chef, and the following ‘discussion’ took place:

CrookedNippleRing: “Chef, from now on, all assignments that you have for your kitchen helper, is going through me. If you need assign some chores for your helper, you’ve got to fill up this form and drop it into that box right there.”

Chef: “So what do I do with my helper then??”

CrookedNippleRing: “You no longer need the service of a helper. I’ve got a big team of people handling all your stuff from now on. *smiles* Bill will give those helpers a handsome severance package”

Chef: “WHat the fuck!? So if I want a chicken de-boned and have some carrots julienned, I gotta submit a fucking form to you now?? How’s this going to work out well for all of us??”

CrookedNippleRing: “My team will go full time processing job requests from that box. It will be a first in first out basis. The key idea is ‘streamlining’, chef. When things get streamlined, we’ll be able to quantify how much job are we wasting our resources on, and identify the critical path of the process. From there, we can drive for process improvements to increase our workplace efficiency and reduce idling.”

Chef: “Answer me bitch, if I need someone to take out the goddamn trash, I gotta fill in a form and drop it into the fucking box as well??”

CrookedNippleRing: “Yes you fill it up and drop into the box. My guys will take care of it.”

Chef: “So, how long do you reckon any shit’s going to get done around here??”

CrookedNippleRing: “Like I said, it’ll be first in first out basis. There’ll be a queue and data entry involved, but the guarantee is, every job request is going to get done within 2 days”

Chef: “2 days!! The trash is going to stink up the whole kitchen!”

CrookedNippleRing: “Well, get busy filling forms then, my dear friend.”

As a result of the ‘efficiency drive’ initiative, BackAlley ChickenShack’s staff then swelled up to 3 times the size (none of them consist of a kitchen helper), and also registered a sharp increase in office supplies expenditure. The kitchen became a big mess and there were even injuries recorded due to unregulated foot traffic around the kitchen area (revolving the form box). Frustrated with their work, all the chefs then conspired to rage-quit the restaurant, and until now, CrookedNippleRing is still setting up a task force to look into what went wrong, while the restaurant takes an indefinite hiatus from operation.

michaelooi  | imaginations  | 

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