Archive for October, 2017

October 20, 2017

what the ladies do not know

My wife asked me this (this was some time back) one day, after some coffee talk with her bunch of female colleagues :

“If you get the chance to stay at home and be a full time house-husband, and I’d be the breadwinner of the family, would you do it?”

I reckoned that there must’ve been a wager of some sort between them, that men are full of ego, can’t live without status and staying at home is like a death sentence to their masculinity. Oh, how I wish I could tell them to their face how wrong they’ve been. But, I get to say this to my wife:

“Hell yeah! What a deal this is! I’d agree to it without a second thought!”

I could see some disappointment in her eyes with my answer. But it’s an honest answer. Seriously, if anyone could pay me to be at home and upkeep the family with just my pure labor, I’d sign up for it. It’s better than having an ego and make yourself toil out there with that bunch of simian assholes whom you’d call ‘co-workers’, and act like everything’s gonna be fine whilst you know your ass is up for a retrenchment in a matter of time. Every goddamn wage earner nowadays, dread of the time when there’s a change in management and his/her job is then on the line, wondering whether he/she is going to make it to the next paycheck without having to worry about having the means to sustain the current lifestyle.

And if you make an effort to improve your life like say, buying a new car or a piece of nice furniture, a little bit of you dies away with the grim thought of the consequence of this act if you were to fucking lose your job tomorrow. It’s a guilt that will never go away, and it’s gonna haunt you like your own shadow. Hence, the stress. Gone were the time when you can work for 30 – 40 fucking years without having to worry about a thing till your pubic hair goes grey. Everything is at warp speed and everything is temporary now. There’s simply not enough jobs for everyone, and the ovens that churn the cakes are shrinking in numbers due to modernization. The old farts are usually first to go, and the older you get, the more you are susceptible, and the harder for you to look for a job (who wants to hire an overpaid old fart?). Go figure.

I know being a stay-at-home parent isn’t easy (neither does earning wages out there). But at least you’re not competing with those suckasses who only suck dicks (and asses) for a living at home (you’d be the best, in fact), and you do not have to worry about job security. So hell yeah, I’d stay at home and not worry about those things. I think it’s a good deal.

(Some of my wife’s colleagues asked their spouse the same question – and they got the same answer).

michaelooi  | ramblings  | Comments Off
October 8, 2017

Prince of Wales Island IV

I recently saw some half past six posts about learning Hokkien to be used in Penang (Penang Hokkien has been gaining popularity lately). Not only those vocabs are not really accurate, people here hardly ever used those in Penang at all. To those of you who thinks that by reading a couple of those posts would make you street smart in Penang, well, you’re dead fucking wrong.

The good news is, I’ve written some vocabs in this blog here and I started it way before when these shit were cool (the last one was 12 years ago). I’m gonna add the 4th version here (and possibly continue on the legacy here in the blog)

“soi yau”
direct translation – ‘nasty fella’. Actually a Cantonese term, but in Penang, this is a Hokkien slang.
actual meaning – cops or law enforcement office.
eg: “Hiong kan! Soi Yau! Siu lui! siu lui!”
[translation: “Fuck! Cops! Keep the money! Keep the money!”]

“beh khi”
direct translation – ‘cannot go’. Like an answer to a ‘go or no go?’ question.
actual meaning – something lame or fails to live up to average expectation, similar usage to sucks.
eg: “Old Town eh wantan mee beh khi eh.”
[translation: “The wantan noodles at Old Town sucks”]

“cho gau gau”
direct translation – ‘make smart smart’. The repetition of smart here denotes the excessive necessity to be smart in the context.
actual meaning – the verb to describe a motherfucker trying to be a smart about something he/she that is beyond his/her knowledge/expertise.
eg: “KL eh lang cho gau gau lai Penang boh gia GPS, choi bo hotel”
[translation: “People from KL who are trying to be smart by navigating Penang without a GPS, and couldn’t find the hotel”]

“chak kiau”
direct translation – ‘shuffle the cards’ or ‘intercept the hand’ (in gambling). In gambling, when you have a streak of sheer dumb luck wins, the Chinese believe it is a taboo to double ‘shuffle the cards’ or have an additional player introduced into the table, because it will fuck up the winning guy’s mojo – which is often what the casinos would do when one wins too much in a table.
actual meaning – to interfere and fuck up your shit (applies to everything, not just gambling).
eg: “Limpeh eh project ok eh, liau chi kiok phoobor kia lai chak kiau, hiong kan ka liau”
[translation: “My project was all fine, until this motherfucker came to interfere and ruin everything up”.

“tua ki”
direct translation – ‘big rod’ (an allusion to big dick).
actual meaning – deep shit or big trouble. This is probably originated from the popular ‘do not pick up the soap in prison’ notion. The big dick inside you when you pick up the soap = big trouble.
eg: “Ah Seng tiok tuaki liao. Ee eh boh eh friend kua tiok ee chua laukeh ki hotel”
[translation: “Ah Seng is in deep shit. His wife’s friend saw him brought an old prostitute to a hotel”

“sok”
direct translation – ‘to wound tight with a rope/string/band’.
actual meaning – to arrest or to be caught.
eg: “Hor soi yau sok”
[translation: “Got arrested by a cop”]

“cho bo lan”
direct translation – ‘did no dick’.
actual meaning – did something that is redundant or yielded no results or a complete waste of time.
eg: “Ha kiok pukimak gia anneh cheh lang cho anneh cheh minkia, cho bo lan”
[translation: “That motherfucker took so many headcounts did so many things, yet he yielded no results”]

“kangtau”
direction translation – ‘rim of the hole’. Probably an allusion to the labia of the vagina, often regarded as a boon to any situation.
actual meaning – something good going on, could be an opportunity, an event, or a desirable situation. Has a very wide usage.
eg1: “Ki KL cho hamik? KL boh kangtau eh lah!”
[translation: “Why go to KL? KL is boring!”]
eg2: [answering a phonecall] “Hamik kangtau?”
[translation: “What’s going on buddy?”]
eg3: “Ee kah ee eh tauke oo kangtau eh…”
[translation: “She’s having an affair with her boss…”]
eg4: “Wa kimmeh boh ciak pui. Wa tua phortay oo kangtau”
[translation: “I won’t be back for dinner. I have an appointment in the city”]

“pang pua liap”
direct translation – [in soccer betting] to allow a 1/2 goal handicap over the opponent team’s score. A draw would result a lost bet, a win of 1 goal over the opponents yields a win.
actual meaning – (applicable to only females) to gain an advantage (ironically, rather than a handicap) over any situation by dressing provocatively-cleavage-revealing top.
eg: “Ee pang pua liap tua office, hamik pun ok liao”
[translation: “She just needs to show her cleavage, everything will be all right again”]

Links from the past entries:
Prince of Wales Island
Prince of Wales Island II
Prince of Wales Island III

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