This coming June, will be my 4th year working in Company T. Felt like it was just yesterday when I stepped into this madhouse.
You wouldn’t believe how crazy this place is. The crazy shit that happened here. Here are some of them, you be the judge if these are crazy good shit, or crazy bad shit…:
Pedestrians get to momentarily become god in Company T parking lot.
I think I’ve written about it before when I first came for an interview. You know when you’re walking in a really slow pace and you’re like… a good 5 meters away from crossing the road? Cars would fucking stop for you right there and then. In the outside world, drivers like that would have been regarded as crazy, or mentally retarded. It’s so ridiculous, that sometimes walking could be faster than driving in Company T parking lot! I mean, if you were to live most of your life getting used to crazy shit like this, no shit that you’d be more likely to die younger in the real world because you’d be so used to this privilege that you might let your guards down out of Company T.
Fruit fest once a year (or twice?)
There’s this event called ‘fruit fest’ or something, that is organized by the management. The fest is simply an event to get every employee to whoop local fruits en masse. For free. Yes believe it. And usually the event will coincide with the durian season and the star of the show? DURIANS! It will come by the truckload. Not just shitty durians but, pretty good ones. Imagine this, you get to whoop shitloads of free durians, mangosteens, rambutans, etc, while still getting paid under company time, if that isn’t crazy shit, I don’t know what is. Shit like this doesn’t happen elsewhere…
There are game rooms for employees, where you can play console games
Yes, there are a few game rooms scattered around the buildings. And there’s an electrical massage chair in some of the game rooms (you can fucking nap on it). The last time I went there (there was a particular period of time when my colleagues and I caught the FIFA fever and we shirked 30% of our working hours off in the goddamn game room), there were PS3 and Wii consoles in there with a decent amount of games. I learned that employees could bring their own games too, but we didn’t do that. In the old days, shirking is a frowned upon activities, but in Company T, they make your shirking irresistible, and the crazy thing is – the management is encouraging it.
The ladies get to form groups of cohorts and splurge company budget on company time
Imagine your boss asks you to form a group of about 5 – 6 guys, dump some budget on you, and asks you to organize small scale events to make the guys happy once a month (or something) – with the condition that it must be during working hours. So you bring the guys to have a beer, or maybe to play some pool or darts, during working hours. That’s what’s happening at Company T, except that it’s for ladies only (guys aren’t eligible to form their own group, for some unfathomable reasons). I’ve so far heard the girls organizing shopping events (just splurge with a company issued voucher), a spa event, a pedicure/manicure/manure event, afternoon tea, lunches, etc. All paid for. There’s no absolute objective to this other than to make them happy and well greased at the nether region. Of course we guys are unhappy about this, but we get to let it out in the game rooms.
IT parts/gadgets vending machine
There’s this vending machine with a touch screen interface, where employees get to choose their favorite IT part/gadget, scan the NFC badge on the scanner and out pops the desired part/gadget (if still in stock). You can imagine this scenario playing at my workplace – You say, “I need a fucking mouse and an extra adapter, and I need it PRONTO!”, and you go to the vending machine, make selection on the screen, scan badge and POP! You get your fucking mouse and an adapter. It’s that easy. Of course, your department pays for this by charging the hardwares to your cost center. The IT doesn’t give a rat’s ass about getting approval but once you scan the badge, it gets paid for. No one is going to be there to stop you, no approval process and by the time your boss is foaming in the mouth from the bill, it’s already too late because you would’ve been rocking with the spanking new hardware for days if not weeks. In most company, the idea wouldn’t even go past on paper to even get a fucking quotation for the part.
to be continued.