Archive for January, 2015

January 21, 2015

most awesome instant noodle

You guys have probably heard of some bold claim about how good that MyKuali Penang White Curry Mee is… that it has even won some awards or something like that… and some even claimed that it’s the best and dopiest instant noodle in the world! (this has somewhat propelled the local brand to international fame, and everyone wants a piece of it).

I think it’s a load of crap. Not only it tastes nothing like the real shit, but it definitely isn’t the ‘best and dopiest’ instant noodle in the world (it’s still far from it) – if one has to be that reckless to make such bold claim of it ruling over every variety there is in the realms of instant noodles. In fact, if you were to pitch that MyKuali to strictly with ‘Curry’ flavor, it still doesn’t make the cut as the best in its class.

So, what the fuck? If I get to pick, the best and dopiest instant noodle in the world has to be Cintan’s Asam Laksa (blue color) flavored instant noodle. Bear in mind, it has to be Cintan’s brand only. There are other clones out there made by Maggi or Mamee or some other wannabe’s but trust me, you do not want to try those. Get only Cintan’s Asam Laksa.

Now why do I think it’s the best in the world?
– It’s spicy. It isn’t burning hot kind of spicy per se, but just at the right amount of hotness. It’s perfection in its most modest form.
– It’s good. The whole thing just tastes delectable, with a little hint of aromatic fish taste in it. Words can’t describe its taste but, one has got to fucking try it to believe it.
– It’s fast. Cintan makes great springy noodles. Takes only 2.5 mins to cook the shit in the microwave with 360ml of water. Let it sit for 1 min, you’re good to go. MyKuali takes decades to cook and never soft/springy enough.
– It’s simple. There’s just a soup base pack, and you pour that thing in after you cook the noodle and it is magic. It’s as instant as an instant noodle should. I just hate those pretentious instant noodles with a few packs of soup base and oil and something that are just too fucking messy and complex, not to mention generates more trash.
– It’s clean. On top of simplicity in packing the soup base, one of the most important thing is the aftermath. I just fucking loathe seeing thick grease stain in my bowl after I’ve slurped the thing dry. Too messy to clean up. Cintan Asam Laksa leaves no grease, you can fucking flush it with just water and toss the thing in the dish rack.
– It’s addictive. A good instant noodles leaves you wanting for more. Cintan Asam Laksa leaves me wanting for more like no other. *say it with Smeagol’s voice like how James Franco did it.
– It’s rejuvenating. I’d whack one when I get a hangover. I’d whack one if I’m too grossed out with dairy food (it neutralizes my tastebuds). I’d whack one if I have a coffee sickness (too much coffee syndrome). I’d whack one if I have insomnia. I’d whack one if I have food rage after smelling my neighbor’s aromatic curry and would still be satisfied with it. Hell I’d whack one if I have a goddamn sore throat!
– It’s ubiquitous. You can buy this anywhere, and it won’t run out of stock.
– It’s cheap. It’s so cheap, I don’t even know how much it costs. I’d tuck one or two packs of fives in my cart when I have the space. Been replenishing it since I was 17.

If one has to see it, it’s the one circled in red. Try it, you’d wet your pants. (don’t get other flavors, just the blue one)

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off
January 12, 2015

actually…

‘Actually’.
[ak-choo-uh-lee]

adverb
1. as an actual fact; really
(as sentence modifier): actually, I haven’t seen him
2. at present
3. (informal) a parenthetic filler used to add slight emphasis: I don’t know, actually

I don’t know if this is just me but, I think it’s one of the most (if not the most) overused word in the Malaysian society. Actually this, actually that. If you guys would spend some time to pay attention to your neighbors or office mates or even your friends speaking English – you’d bound to notice a lot of ‘actually’ in their speeches and it is in the range of ‘TOO OVERUSED’.

Recently, there has been a big group of temporary office dwellers from another dark region in Company T, which kinda ‘noisied’ up my office floor with unrestrained open conversation over active phone calls. From my desk in the office, I could hear the word ‘actually’ getting tossed simultaneously around like those spasm inducing drugs in an underground rave party.

These people, would use ‘actually’ as an emphasis to his/her own identity :
“My name is Jib. I am actually from the Customer Service and I am actually here to tell you if you don’t believe me, you can actually ask my wife.”.

And they would use ‘actually’ in the beginning of each of their sentence, to assert confidence over his / her statement:
“Actually, my proposal would take less time to resolve the problem than the actual time for you to cum over a hot steamy porn, actually”. 

Or to paint an illusion of congeniality to disagree with someone:
“Actually we do not need to involve Customer Service, it is actually out of their scope. We just need to focus on the problem, actually.” 

Or just for the fucking heck of it:
“Actually, I think I actually get what you’re saying actually. I don’t actually have any objections but actually, actually”. 

Or just, simply, actually…
“Wooof actually woof” [if the dog can speak ‘actually’]

It was annoying the first couple of weeks, but after that, I started to mentally replacing this word with ‘fuck’ instead, and caught myself sniggering over meetings and at my desk on the resulting effects. They can be entertaining at times, here let me try it with the sentences above:

“My name is Jib. I am fucking from the Customer Service and I am fucking here to tell you if you don’t believe me, you can fucking ask my wife”.

“Fuck, my proposal would take less time to resolve the problem than the fucking time for you to cum over a hot steamy porn, you fuck”.

“Fuck we do not need to involve Customer Service, it is fucking out of their scope. We just need to focus on the problem, fuck.”

“Fuck, I think I fucking get what you’re saying fuck. I don’t fucking have any objections but fuck, fuck”.

“Wooof fuck woof”

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off