Archive for 2014

November 12, 2014

Arab tourists suck

I was in KL for a day trip on assignment, and met a chatty Indian taxi driver. The long ride in his taxi, got us to talk about everyday stuff – from the GST to Anwar’s butt, but the most interesting of all, our shared hatred for Arab tourists (and what followed after that).

The taxi driver told me his experiences with Arab tourists and he hated them because most of them are assholes. They’d either fleece him off his taxi fare, or they’d scream at his ass for not driving fast/slow enough. Had a couple of police reports to prove it. I couldn’t agree more with him – I’ve always disliked them for being inconsiderate and rude, i.e. assholes. It was as if they’ve been brought up to believe anyone who isn’t an Arab is inferior.

Anyway, it was just a chat to pass time. The last time I actually had an encounter with an asshole Arab was eons ago, until that VERY DAY ITSELF in the airport (after the taxi dropped me off) – believe it or not, I had another incident with the Arabs! (this time, it was a young couple with children).

I was queuing up at Burger King, and saw this skinny fucknut Arab standing at the counter next to the queue checking out the menu displayed behind the cashier. He was pretty much minding his own business there and then walked away. When it came to my turn to order, suddenly this Arab bitch appears right next to me and ordered 2 cheese burgers. Everyone in the queue then (myself included) glowered at the fucking Arab bitch for about a few seconds, before the cashier politely told her that she won’t be served because there’s a queue at the counter. Arab bitch went nuts and claimed that her husband was in front of me in the queue and she was standing in for him. Not knowing who her husband was, I asked

“So who’s your husband? And where is he now?”, I thought, maybe she’s a wacko and has an invisible husband…

She pointed to that skinny fucknut Arab cheebye I saw earlier on. He was standing about 20m away, looking at the roof. I then said to the Arabian bitch,

“No he wasn’t in the queue”, and looked squarely in her heavily eyelined eyes, to which she got intimidated and backed the fuck off… but not without bitching something in her language (a language which sounded like she’s trying to get rid of something stuck in her throat – that’s how I knew she and her fucknut husband are Arab tourists). I wanted to yell at her with my native language (perhaps with a little mix of Tamil to confuse her), but I simply wasn’t in the mood (been a long day for me). So, I just chose to ignore her instead.

I thought that was the end of it, and she’d go queue up or something. But guess what, it happened again to another patron. It appears that this fucking Arab couple does not know how to queue up (like, standing behind a line?)! How fucking ridiculous is that? And after that, they somewhat had a quarrel in the Burger King joint (screaming some high energy pubic-hair-stuck-in-throat language, creating a big scene) and both of them then walked off towards different directions, leaving their 2 confused children inside the place for the whole duration of my meal (that’s about 15 mins). When I left the joint, their children (and bags) were still there. Fucking Arab tourists. Inconsiderate, stupid and reckless.

What are the odds, eh? That’s like you ranting about acne problems back during your puberty years and then WHAM! a big zit appears on your motherfucking nose. Shit happens out of the blues mann…

michaelooi  | happenings  | Comments Off
November 4, 2014


Please read this piece of ridiculous news here

‘Painful lessons’ Saiful learnt
PUTRAJAYA: Previous sodomy en­­counters might have taught Mohd Saiful Bukhari Azlan (pic) to carry a lubricant along when meeting Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim so as to protect himself from further injuries, the Federal Court heard.

“How come you have KY jelly (when Mohd Saiful went to see Anwar)? All this will only make it sensible if the complainant says that there were previous encounters.

“If you are used to the situation, you will get prepared not to be injured,” lead prosecutor Tan Sri Muhammad Shafee Abdullah submitted before a five-man panel chaired by the Chief Justice Arifin Zakaria.

Muhammad Shafee argued it was, therefore, pertinent that the court considered this part of the evidence.

“It is relevant to explain why there were no injuries or signs of physical trauma on the intimate part of the complainant (Mohd Saiful),” Muham­mad Shafee said, adding that such evidence would reflect Mohd Saiful’s state of mind and conduct before, during and after the sodomy incident mentioned in the charge.

He argued that the evidence given by Mohd Saiful pertaining to his previous sexual encounters with Anwar was admissible in the current sodomy case.

Muhammad Shafee said such evidence would further be helpful to understand the issue of credibility on the part of the complainant.

The other judges on the panel are Court of Appeal president Justice Raus Sharif and Federal Court judges Justices Abdull Hamid Embong, Suriyadi Halim Omar and Ramly Ali.

Muhammad Shafee said Anwar would not be prejudiced if such evidence was allowed as the apex court was “not in a jury trial”.

He said Anwar had contended that the trial judge had erred in law for considering Mohd Saiful’s evidence on his alleged previous sexual encounters with the Opposition Leader.

“Mohd Saiful was dominated by the appellant who took advantage of him,” he said. “It will not make sense if we do not see it in its context in narrative.”

Besides that, Muhammad Shafee argued that such evidence was also relevant pursuant to Section 8 of the Evidence Act among others to explain the preferred sodomy charge.

“Why Mohd Saiful did not physically resist the alleged offence committed by the appellant against him although he ‘tidak rela’ (not willing)?

“Why he did not run away immediately after the incident when he had the opportunity to do so, so much so that he had become familiar with the situation,” he said.

He said the evidence would help the court to better appreciate the continuation of the relationship between an abusive employer who exerted dominance over a young submissive employee.

He argued that Anwar had failed to call 10 alibi witnesses, including the PKR leader’s wife, when a notice of alibi had been issued by his solicitor earlier.

“None of the witnesses were called to prove his alibi,” he added.

Muhammad Shafee will continue his submissions today.

Anwar was charged with sodomising Mohd Saiful, then 23, at a Desa Damansara condominium unit in Bukit Damansara on June 26, 2008.

Anwar, 67, is now appealing against his conviction and five-year jail term imposed by the Court of Appeal on March 7. The prosecution is appealing for a longer jail term.

The Court of Appeal’s decision early this year came after it overturned a High Court judgment in January 2012 which acquitted Anwar.

Tell me something, this fuckshit actually brought a lube to be anal raped by the accused (Anwar)?? And he actually said that it’s for his own protection. How about not going there again and make a beeline to the nearest police station sound? Maybe not logical to him given his level of intellect.

Bringing a lube to be anal-raped by someone isn’t what I would deem as ‘self protection’… in my book of reasoning, that’s called ASKING FOR IT!

michaelooi  | snippets  | Comments Off
October 28, 2014

advantage of having deep pockets

Having deep pockets in your pants can be awesome.

1) You can easily keep your oversized phone or undersized tablet without bending it like that faggoty iPhone 6 ++.

2) Your coins can be easily slipped in, but harder to get out. Which is a good thing.

3) You can easily adjust your balls with your hand(s) in the deep pocket(s) without looking conspicuously like a perv.

4) Your partner(s) can use her hand(s) to cup your balls in the deep pocket(s) without looking conspicuously like a perv.

5) If you’re a tennis player, you can keep not just one, but two (or even three) tennis balls in one pocket. That means saving an extra trip to the bench.

6) If the pocket is really deep (like realllly), you can extend your hand(s) in the deep pocket(s) to scratch your taint/sphincter/other locations.

7) You can hide a small bottle of booze in the deep pocket for your boring lecture/seminar/meeting without looking conspicuously like a slob.

8) On a cold day, it can be a great place to warm your hands.

9) Or you can let your (attractive) female colleagues to warm their hands if they don’t have a deep pocket! *smile*

10) You can conceal a mystery surprise in the deep pocket (use your imagination!) and ask your (attractive) female colleagues to feel out the surprise!

michaelooi  | imaginations  | Comments Off
October 13, 2014

what to look out when buying an apartment/condo – part 2

this is an addition to what I’ve already written in the previous list…what to look out when buying an apartment/condo

Several visits to a few friends’ new homes gave me a few additional small-but-crucial realizations on what a prospective urban dwelling buyer should look for before buying an apartment/condo…

Natural gas.
We need 2 things to survive – water and food. Water needs to be boiled and your food cooked. How do we do that? The cheapest (and most common) way is ‘Natural gas’. We (most of us) are needless to say, fucking dependent on natural gas. Unfortunately enough, we Malaysians do not have gas supply pipelines whooped into our homes. You all fucking know that. If you’re the kitchen guy, you should know that getting your gas supply means someone has to call up some gas guy to deliver those gas cylinders into the fucking house. It is a finite but replenishable supply, just like sugar. But hear this, not every place is in coverage by the gas guy (just like how not every place is covered by Domino’s – it’s about the location/cost). So what do you do? I guess you have to find out yourself if your new apartment/condo is in coverage. Scout around for a grocery store, or ask the neighbors. If it’s not in the coverage, then you’re in for a tough time to decide whether you fancy of having to haul ass to pick up a 14kg gas cylinder into your car and drag it up to your pad. On most days, I’d be pissed to haul ass to buy myself a pack of lunch, let alone lug a 14kg rusty gas cylinder. So it is entirely up to you…

Cell reception.
Ever encountered a colleague who can never be contacted after office hour? Odds are high that the colleague must be working double as a prostitute at night, or he/she has zero cell coverage in his home. Happens all the fucking time. Malaysia is striving to be a developed nation but believe it, there are still urban (nevermind non-urban) places with zero cell coverage (carrier dependent). Do you know how fucking annoying it is to have zero cell coverage? Just pull out your SIM card for a month, you’ll know what I’m talking about. You’ll have to have a landline to be in the civilization, else you’d not be contactable except through data messengers like ‘Whatsapp’ or ‘WeChat’ (provided you have a data plan… or an internet, see more points below for potential problems). This used to be a non-issue about 30 odd years ago, but having cell coverage in your area is as important as having water supply and electricity these days. So, take note of that kemosabe. Just bring several friends with different cell network carriers to the prospective place, and check for cell coverage. You’d be glad that you checked. (fyi, my current home has zero Digi coverage. Thank god I don’t use Digi, it is a fucked up network anyway with equally gay name).

Data reception.
Albeit not as critical as cell coverage, depending on your age and needs, data reception could be a showstopper too. Again, this could be network carrier dependent. Imagine having an ‘Edge’ reception or worse, zero data coverage for your smartphone all the fucking time. You’d be deprived of your rights to Tweet, Facebook in the loo, send up-to-date selfies of you and your dog in compromising positions, to WhatsApp, to solicit for Vietnamese whores on-the-go in WeChat, et al. For me, it’s just being annoying. I mean, I’d get pissed when I have poor data connection at some restaurant. I cannot imagine having a poor data connection all the time at home. It’ll definitely ruin my shit all day having to depend on the stupid wifi over the broadband (which sometimes itself, is not dependable). So, what the fuck? You guys shouldn’t put up with this shit. Check for data reception in the area before you buy the apartment/condo. Get a few friends with data from different carriers to check it out.

Internet access.
If you have zero internet access, you’re needless to say, in the wrong place to exist on this planet. Connectivity is life now. Porns, webcams, torrents, boy you’re going to miss so much life in your existence. In no way you should consider a place with ZERO means to get online. But hear this, there are places that are tricky as shit – they DO HAVE internet access, but limited to low speeeeeeed only. Don’t believe me? Ask my colleague Ernest – whose house only fucking has 1MB broadband connection. He has the dough, and wanted to upgrade to more than 1MB, but the ISP won’t do it for him. The reason? The copper lines in his housing area is as old as shit, and they won’t support anything more than 1MB. And even that 1MB is a placeholder, most of the time he’d get a dialup speed for whatever fuck he manages to load on his screen. Of course he bitched about it, but there’s very little the ISP could do for him. Having no internet is fine (at least you could just wean the whole thing off your life, shave your head and meditate), but having a slow internet is like a girl teasing you with a half boob and tonnes of lap dances, with no action allowed. It’s the saddest thing ever. Just give a ring to the local ISP to check before you sign your name on the S&P for that apartment you’re looking at, you won’t regret it.


I’ll list more when I could think of some… (here)

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off
September 25, 2014

Braised Chicken with Bitter Gourd and fermented beans

You know, I’ve always hated bitter gourd as a child and most of my youth. My late mother liked it a lot, and whenever she cooked this dish – ‘Braised Chicken with Bitter Gourd and fermented beans’ (BCBGFB) – I always had to pick out the chunks of bitter gourd like they’re laden with rat poison.

But that changed one day when my wife and I were thinking of doing some adventure cooking (you know adventure cooking? That’s when you attempt to cook something you’ve never done before). For some weird fucking reasons, this BCBGFB came up. With a little bit of Googling around and painful recollection of my lost tastebud memories, I managed to cook this bowl of BCBGFB :
Not actual picture of the first dish, this is like, the 4th cookout already…

It kicked so much ass, that I finished most of the bitter gourd myself, and turned into a bitter gourd believer. Amazing isn’t it? Here’s how I did it…

Read the rest of this entry »

michaelooi  | food  | Comments Off