July 15, 2014

cave troll neighbor

My neighbors’ kids are scared of me. That’s because I deliberately acted stern and fierce, so that they’d all stay the fuck away from our house. But there was once, a couple of them came to our house, and something didn’t go as expected.

My then 6 year old daughter Regine, brought this little neighbor girl (let’s call her Small Turd, she’s 5 years old) to right next to my computer table. I was watching TV at that time, and it was dark. I didn’t actually know they were at my house, and you can imagine that I was quite surprised to see the silhouette of my daughter and a much smaller child standing at the doorway, one of them crying. It was Small Turd. She was crying with a dreaded look on her (like she’s about to be eaten by a cave troll). Apparently, along with Small Turd’s brother (Big Turd, he’s 7), they had been watching TV at our house, when Small Turd suddenly went Blue Screen and started to wail like she had an infected appendix. My daughter brought her to me because
a) She was between concerned and annoyed with the wailing.
b) I was the only adult available (my wife was bathing or something). She had no choice.

I don’t normally speak to them but I had to…

“Small Turd, why are you crying and what do you want??”
“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!”

She wailed louder just because the cave troll spoke to her. She must be fucking terrified and I swear she was probably going into the rigor mortis stage alive. Not yielding any answer, I then asked my daughter what’s going on, and she told me Small Turd wanted to go home, but her brother didn’t want to budge from the TV. That was when I stomped out of the room and confronted her brother:

“Big Turd! What’s wrong with you and your sister?? Why is she crying??”
“Err… she wanted to go home while we were watching the TV…”
“Then why aren’t you bringing her home??”
“I already asked her to go home herself, it’s just downstairs…”
“She’s your goddamn sister! What kind of a brother are you?? What if she gets kidnapped by a stranger?? Are you stupid or something??”

He almost shat in his pants, and brought his sister home pronto. Problem solved. Probably would never ill treat his sister ever again, thanks to the cave troll. Never saw them come to our house again, and they’d stay the fuck away from me. They’d sometimes play around the corridor, but always with a hushed volume. My daughter, just to get a kick of seeing them terrified, would sometimes tell them ‘you guys should keep the volume down, or my dad would come out and he won’t be pleased!’.

When that happens, my day is usually made. Seeing them annoying kids terrified and behave themselves…

michaelooi  | happenings  | 

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