April 28, 2014

if you want a job, be reasonably convincing

I received an email from an ex-colleague a week ago, telling me that he had taken a voluntary separation package and is now looking for a job. He was checking with me if my place is hiring, and whether I could hook him up to something. I had completely forgotten about the existence of this guy until I saw his email. Took me a few minutes to recall him from my tucked away memory, actually. He was one of the quality engineers (my junior) at Company X. Wasn’t a standout guy, as he was quite a reserved person (that explains why it was hard to remember him), but I remembered him to be a hardworking fellow (maybe it was for the overtime, I don’t know).

Not wanting to be a jerk, I politely told him that my workplace Company T has frozen all hirings, but assured him I’d help to ask a few friends in Company Y instead. That was how I had him to send me his resume, which I took the liberty to read. And my fucking god, you wouldn’t believe what this guy wrote in his resume. It was like reading him trying to convince people to not hire him. His resume was a fucking mess. He has like, dozens of spelling errors (some are ludicrous) and a tonne of shit that no one could understand. I have seen this kind of things go wrong before – forwarding an asswipe friend’s resume that looked like a disaster to a prospective hiring manager, only to get rejected due to a bad first paragraph. The comment was – “How the hell could I trust the guy to do a decent job if he can’t even fucking spell his company name properly??”

I would say spot on and served him right. You have to be reasonably convincing if you are looking for a fucking job. Before people can see your strength, they first look at your flaws. If your flaws are bad enough, they won’t bother about your strength. That’s why I proof read my resume hundreds of times and I do spell check on every goddamned word – just so that I don’t get into a fuck-up like this. (and of course, I also gave a lot of thought on how to structure my resume properly to control the intended perception of the reader). And this guy being an engineer, couldn’t even spell ‘electric’ properly (it wasn’t even the correct word in that context). So I did him some good, I sent him this email today… thought of sharing it here so that you fucking amateurs can wake the hell up and put some effort in convincing people that you’re not a slob :

Dey friend,
I noticed your resume has a lot of spelling errors lar… eg “costumer”. Costumer and customer different things lar macha. And many more.

If you really are serious to look for a place to go, you need to first get your resume right. First impression is the most important thing.
Do some spell check. Get someone to help proof read your resume.

You can also improve by putting in your achievements – like, “Reduced 25% line reject rate in Q2’2010 for Hard Disk drive” ,… or “Completed 3 BPI (Business Process Improvement) projects with combined savings of >USD150k, with multiple green belt certification”.

Your achievements should be longer than your responsibilities. Write it in such a way that not only Company X people can understand, but everyone in general (A HR manager has no engineering background, will be the first to go through your resume).

Your responsibilities, no need to put details like CLCA et al. People just don’t care. Just put general, like
– “Responsible to handle escalations from manufacturing and external customer”,
– “Liaise with commodity vendor to sustain and improve overall commodity quality”.

Your resume should be arranged like this :
1) Summary on your experience and expertise (strength), and what you are (a quality engineer). Should be in a paragraph less than 200 words. Must be the first thing people see. Make it catching and powerful. Get help if you don’t know how to write.
2) List your workplace + responsibilities + achievements/experience. More content for more recent work. The technician years, you can just summarize as short as possible (not important – people don’t care what you did 10 years ago).
3) Finally, your qualification and skills (a short one will do). Don’t list all your job training bulat-bulat. Skills should be something like your ace of the trade – “Lean Six Sigma”, “Certified BPI green belt”, “Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer”, “Toastmaster”. etc.

Confine within 2 pages if necessary (max 3). Put your referrals in a separate attachment (referrals are useless). Hope the info helps.

[I’ve already forwarded your resume to my friend… but i think his department is also freeze on hiring. Better get your resume fixed first… before you send it all over the world]

If any of you guys don’t understand the content of the email, that’s because you’re not local enough and you should fucking die.

P/S: Managed to hook him up to an interview, but he didn’t get the fucking job. Peace be with him.

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | 

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