Archive for February, 2014

February 19, 2014

save the environment

I was accompanying my wife to the ATM inside a hypermart the other day, when a smartly dressed lanky bloke who looked like junkie crossed with that Somalia pirate in ‘Captain Phillips’ approached me with an oversized writing board. On the board, was a sheet of paper full of signatures. Beaming a fake smile, the guy said to me:

“Good evening brother! Support the environment by signing your name here!” – and showed me that aforementioned paper full of signatures….

Now, I don’t know about you guys but, how the fuck do I save the environment by signing my name on a sheet of fucking paper?? Must be some kind of magic that I haven’t heard of. In fact, wouldn’t I be making the environment worse by using paper for those signatures?? Of course I know that the skinny shit stain was there to peddle some stupid product or scheme that latches around the concept of being green (WWF sticker book or some shit like that), and would probably chuck the sheet (or sheets) of signatures at the end of the day into a waste paper basket. Whatever the fuck he was doing there, environment was definitely not the motivation.

But the whole point of it is not about me giving a shit about what he wanted, but the concern of seeing so many gullible fucking stupid idiots that caved to that poser salesman’s horrible attempt to fake charms for a moment’s worth of attention… and actually went on to believe that they’d make a fucking difference by leaving a signature on that sheet of paper there. It shudders me to think that these are the bunch of morons cum idiots that I had to content with in this society and some of their lives are actually intersecting with mine at some point in time. This kinda reminded me of a video about some scientists introducing a pack of wolves at the Yellowstone national park that changed the whole food chain, which also changed the condition of the landscape into a more complete ecosystem, except that these bunch of idiots are tilting the effect at pretty much the opposite direction, and we’re gonna all fucking spiral into a black hole of sohainess (eg. we do not know if one of the signatures could belong to that teacher that is teaching at school… which in turn churn more idiots like her or those Earth Hour fucks and so on…). It’s not a very reassuring picture.

I stared at the guy with an annoyed look long enough for him to stop talking, and deftly flagged him off with a gesture that can only be interpreted as a ‘polite fuck off’. And fuck off he did with no repeated attempt to reengage the unpleasant situation.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off
February 9, 2014

animal lover IV

Man… if I were to list down all the animals I’ve ever eaten here in this webspace, this page would look so ridiculously darn long that it’d get mistaken as an opposition government manifesto.

Anyways, the latest thing that got down my throat into my digestive system (hope this doesn’t sound obscene to some of you sick fucks out there…) is something called ‘Balut’. What the fuck is a ‘Balut’? Here’s a brief description I filched from Wikipedia to save me some explaining…

A balut or balot is a developing duck embryo that is boiled alive and eaten in the shell. It is commonly sold as streetfood in the Philippines. They are common food in countries in Southeast Asia, such as Laos (khai look ໄຂ່ລູກ in Lao), Cambodia (pong tia koon ពងទាកូន in Cambodian)[1] and Vietnam (trứng vịt lộn or hột vịt lộn in Vietnamese). They are often served with beer. The Filipino and Malay word balut (balot) means “wrapped”.

Sounds nasty eh? And it looks even more unbelievably nasty. Here’s the one that I ate (after I’ve de-shelled it and sucked its ‘broth’ dry) :


The damn thing looked like the gonad of an animal turned inside out with its testes mashed to smithereens… The first look of it, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to eat it. I mean, there had to be some feathers, bones, beak and whatnots in it – how does one eat it like that? But my Filipino colleague (who brought us the Baluts) insisted that we shouldn’t waste those Baluts and just fucking eat it already (which to them, is a delicacy).

So I did what I did, out of respect – I first sucked the ‘broth’ (boiling water that got seemed into the egg during the boiling process and turned into somekind of duck embryo soup), which I admit, was pretty damn good – and then I ate the Balut with a little bit of salt to the taste (see the nasty picture up there? That one). The texture was like a hardened liver (overboiled) of an animal’s, and there’s only one piece of small thigh bone that I managed to pick out from the half chewed remains, no feathers or beak (at least not hard enough to be discernible). I just chewed everything in and wolfed it down. And you know what? It was actually quite nice. It tasted a lot like eating the chicken meat off a Chinese herbal soup, in spite of the strange texture.

Hell, I thought it was quite good that I took another one. But that was about it, because that was when the feeling of ‘jelak’ started to set in. My Filipino colleague claimed that back in his hometown, the people would hoover one after another Baluts in a casual drinking event (like what peanuts and kuacis would be to us), and they would have as much as 8 Baluts in one sitting! I don’t know, but I don’t think I could even eat 8 normal eggs in one sitting, let alone 8 with embryos in them! Anyway, I experienced a lingering after taste right through the night, which reminded me of the time I had too much stinking toufu in Hong Kong. So I guess this Balut thing is nice in moderation, but extreme nastiness when eaten in quantity. Maybe the Filipinos could eat that much of them because of the beer, as the alcohol dulls the taste in their mouth and out of their addled mind, I don’t know.

Might make a good gift for your in laws, if they’re into surprises…

michaelooi  | food  | Comments Off