I find myself not capable of expressing myself properly as of late. Not sure why but, I guess it must be an age thing. That probably explains the lack of content in this blog, which used to be like, updated everyday. But not anymore. Any insight to write anything is quick to lost in procrastination. Whatever I can gather, I made a pathetic effort to update it once a week or some shit like that. I find gratification in being left alone, not doing anything. It’s definitely an age thing. It has to be. I turned 36 this year, and majority of my co-workers are years younger than me and that has got to be depressing for some people. If my life is to be graphically represented by a download bar, you’d see the colored progress at 50% right now. Shit isn’t going to look pretty from this age on, and 2013 will be the beginning of those things. Fuck if it’s not an age thing.
Work life in ‘Company T’ has been somewhat mundanely good, but it is mostly boring. The most exciting thing that has ever happened to me there, was seeing how people bicker over simplest of things to get done (eg: it took 2 months for a couple of managers to map out the office cubicle seating for a group of no less than 20 people – how about that?). Company T, like Company X, is a massive corporation tangled up in a big messy ball of bureaucratic yarn. Your shit never gets done here. Not before it has gone through the reproductive systems of fuckloads of people and out of their assholes several times before it finally gets – at most – partially done. If you were to ask me, I’d prefer the pace of work in Company Y – you know, in spite of the lack of budget and shittier environment, perpetual work rhythm keeps us engineers sharp when everything we do has a direct interaction and shows its immediate effect. (If you do not know what I’m talking about, nevermind). Company T, in its bid to be a great place to work, has inadvertently became a breeding ground for sloths, and engineers are molded into delinquents that are never going to adapt well in the harsh environment of this cruel world. Just like that dickwad in my team who took it up to the management to have me investigated for a harassment charge when I ‘diplomatically castigated’ him for not getting his shit done in the right way (go search for the post – I’ve written about it). People back during my days used to get much severe rebuke than that, and we toughen up instead of getting pussier like this motherfucking piece of shit here.
Anyway, apart from fading into obscurity inside this capsule of timeless fluorescent space, I’ve also been busy going to fetch my daughter from the school everyday. I had to battle the traffic against the hordes of inconsiderate drivers just to reach the school on time, and it gets worse when I encounter an inclement weather. And her schoolbag, oh my fucking god, is so damn heavy that schoolbags now have to have wheels on them. I don’t remember it was this fucking hard for my parents. I lugged my schoolbag myself (which was like, 90% lighter than it is today), and I could take a bus without worrying about being kidnapped/raped by sickos out there. But it is all so different now. We can never let our children take a bus alone anymore. The country has gotten so fucked up, that even adults get kidnapped and raped in the broad daylight. That’s why the traffic has gotten worse, everyone fucking drives a car to fetch their kids from school themselves, and it is the system that is to be blamed, not the people.
So there you go, a typical life of a working father – not much fanfare or colors. Just to strive daily for survival and time for the kid as a responsible parent. Not much prospect at career either (At this age and time, I should be grateful for having a job instead of bumming). I definitely hope 2014 would be better, but I seriously doubt it’d be any different from this year.
[I'm not going to be writing until next year - so, Merry Christmas or whatever]