November 18, 2013

fire alarm

Found out from an ex-colleague (a high ranking management guy from Company X) about a messed up fire drill at Company X recently. Apparently, there had been a spate of fire alarm testings at Company X, and that had resulted many employees ignoring the fire alarm during the drill, thinking that it was just another ‘test’. The result? People still sitting in the office not giving a fuck about the drill, and that didn’t go very well with the management.

Well, that isn’t something new for me. When I was with Company X, fire alarm testing was a very common thing. The management would send out email alerts over such ‘tests’ and would ask employees to ignore them. I have no idea on why they have such a compelling screwed up need to test the fire alarm so many fucking times in a quarter, but let’s just say, it has left many employees there apathetic to the sound of fire alarm going off. And that, my friend, is not a good thing because if a real fire were to break out, many people in Company X would fucking die in their cubicles reading emails or tweeting their last moments in office (not that it’s a bad thing ridding the world of such shitbags but, out of humanitarian reasons, let’s assume it is…).

It then hit me like a train – if fire alarms do not work for them, why do they bother using fire alarms then? Why don’t they think of some other ways to make the people beeline to the nearest emergency exit? I recall of a thing called ‘stink bombs’ when I was in my school days. It’s basically a small concoction in a small glass tube, which you throw to break and let out a gas attack that stinks like rotten eggs. The result? People would evacuate the area in matter of seconds. At least it seemed to be working for me everytime.

“Oh shit it’s a stink bomb lets get the fuck outta here!!”

So instead of fire alarms, companies can just install these nozzles that are hooked to this stinky gas concoction – and this stinky gas ‘attack’ would trigger instead of the ineffective alarms. Add a few auxiliary fans to disperse the gas, and the whole place would stink up in a blink of an eye. This would result everyone to fucking sprint to their feet and run like they’ve been chased by the scariest thing imaginable. Lives would be saved and families would rejoice. Sure enough, the stink would remain in the office / clothing for quite a while if this were to be a drill (would be a non-existent problem if it’s a real fire), but that’ll make them even more piss scared next time, and would motivate them to bail out faster. But ultimately, it’s still a petty price to pay for a guaranteed safe working environment, don’t you think? My colleagues laughed at the idea like it’s meant for to be funny and amusing, but I think this shit is seriously efficient, and it’s a patent-able technology that could save many lives… Come think of it, maybe I should quit my job to chase this stink bomb prospect….

michaelooi  | imaginations  | 

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