September 17, 2013

the fat prefect

School prefects. Never liked them. I think they’re an embodiment of evil. Born losers and closet backstabbers, they often have nowhere to go to satisfy their ill whims – so they became prefects. Some would just be a wretched prefect, but some would get a whole new level lower by becoming the teacher’s pet and be in the background to discredit everyone he dislikes. Fucking hated them and still hate them now.

In my early secondary years at school, there was this fat prefect whom I particularly loathed the most. Guy looked like a total loser, had a comb-over and was a particularly strict motherfucker. God knows how many times I was nitpicked by him for I was quite a sleazy boy in my early years. I swear I once swore about wanting to kill this guy before, that was how deep my hatred for him was. A known teacher’s pet, he never seem to have any friend, because I had never seen him hanging out with anyone before. All the time, rain or shine, you’d see this blimp perching around somewhere gazing like an owl (he actually looked like that) at everyone like he’s born to be a predator to conduct an ‘arrest’ when someone doesn’t live up to the ‘code’ (you know, tidy hair, uniform, shirt tucked in, long fingernails, talking in the corridor – come think of it, none of those make any sense…).

So what about him? I kinda forgotten about him through my secondary years, as he finished school much earlier than I did as a senior, until I moved into my apartment 11 years ago. There’s this fucking fat prefect, married with a bunch of obnoxious kids, living at the apartment block right across my balcony (the irony). He seem to do quite well for himself, owns 2 cars with identical plate numbers and a fucking loud wife bigger than him. Although I still do not know what he does for a living, he seems to have this penchant for Taoist rituals – for I can see from my balcony that his house is full of those figurines of Taoist deities and a darkened ceiling from the excessive incense smoke. On and off the time of the year, he’d organize a ritual with gongs and cymbals to appease his deities and it’s an unbecoming sight / noise to everyone who lives here. (I was so tempted to shush him, like how he did it to us at school)

But that’s not the worst thing about him. It’s his wife. Funny that he lived almost a quarter of his life catching others not to be a sleaze or talk in the corridor, and he actually managed to find someone so uncouth like his wife. I mean, he could have used the senses he developed as a prefect over the years for a more careful selection, but I guess he failed at that. His wife is a disaster. I could hear his wife sneeze about 5 times in the evening everyday, if she’s not screaming obscenities at her (his) kids (the noise would reverberate across the whole block, not making this up). His wife was extremely fat, and looked like an embodiment of all evil, probably pummeled him up on and off, or when he’s not up to her ‘code’ – of you know, being sensitive to her lardy ass and not be such a fucking disappointment. I guess that’s probably why he turned to the myriad of Taoist deities for help, because that’s his only hope now… banging gongs and cymbals to exorcise whatever demon that has been possessing his wife that makes his life oh so motherfucking miserable. Karma’s definitely a bitch for him, in the form of his wife… I’d say, he deserved it.

michaelooi  | characters  | 

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