July 9, 2013

mid life and crisis

I overheard a snippet of talk on the radio about the list of ‘symptoms’ that could indicate one having a mid-life crisis. Curious, I did a quick search on the internet and found this list of ’35 symptoms’… Couldn’t help but pitch myself against those ‘symptoms’ to see how I fare…

1) Looking into the mirror and you no longer recognize yourself.
What the fuck, if I do not recognize myself, I’d be hallucinating – which means I probably have bigger problems to worry about than middle age crisis. So, no.

2) Desiring to quit a good job.
Let’s put it this way – I think no job is good enough for me. So, I’m never going to have this problem.

3) Unexplained bouts of depression when doing tasks that used to make you happy.
Anything that involves effort depresses me, and I was never happy undertaking ‘tasks’. Never going to have this problem.

4) Changing or investigating new religions, churches or new age philosophy.
I have a questionable faith and I’m an atheist. I have no religion. Never going to have this problem.

5) Change of habits. Activities which used to bring pleasure now are boring. Unable to complete or concentrate on tasks which used to be easy.
I don’t booze as often as I did, but it’s still good for me. I find myself becoming more adept in completing tasks that used to be hard for me, I’m going the opposite direction…

6) It feels good to get hurt.
It is a little bit different for me – It feels good to hurt people.

7) Wanting to run away from everything.
Like, if you see a hobo with chumps of unwashed hair coming towards me? Yeah. A girl with no bra wanting to hug me? No.

8) A desire to get into physical shape.
Who doesn’t? I’d be an amoeba if I don’t physically manifest myself a shape…

9) Irritability or unexpected anger.
I get pissed off for every fucking thing. People driving too fast, girls camwhoring, people queuing up in front of me, people being too old, people being too young, et al. But it’s good, you see, they’re sort of expected

10) Change in allergies.
I don’t have allergies.

11) Desire for physical -Free Flowing- movement (Running, Biking, Dance, Fast red sports cars, Sky diving, etc).
When I get home every day from work, I desire to lie down and be as lazy as I can…

12) Exploring new musical tastes.
I dig everything except classical music. Never going to have this problem.

13) Sudden desire to learn how to play an instrument.
I’m scheming to rig an awesome home theater set… but I guess that’s not counted because that’s not an instrument…

14) Sudden interest in drawing, painting, writing books or poetry.
I’m still writing this blog, if that counts.

15) Shifting sleep patterns (Typically to less).
I don’t sleep less but, kinda sleep more…

16) Thinking about death, wondering about the nature of death.
I told my colleagues – when I die, I want to be cremated and dumped into the sea, so that I can lurk around hot chicks frolicking at beaches.

17) Changes to the balance of vitamins you take. Or taking dietary supplements for the purposes of extending life.
I don’t take supplements or suck dicks.

18) Extreme changes to what you eat.
I eat differently now because my mom croaked, otherwise it’ll still be the same (god I miss my mom and her cooking)

19) Excessively buying new clothes and taking more time to look good.
I don’t buy my own clothes. My wife does it for me.

20) Hair changes. (Natural changes in thickness, luster, color or Assisted changes in dying hair suddenly or shaving your head bald)
I have short hair now – but it is because I am fucking sick of grooming myself.

21) A desire to surround yourself with different settings.
I don’t fucking know what this means but, yeah, I do like things a little different sometimes.

22) Hanging out with a different generation as their energy and ideas stimulate you.
I don’t mix with people in general. I hate human beings.

23) Restarting things, which you dropped 20 years earlier.
I have only quit soccer before, less than 15 years ago because of sports injury. Not going to pick it up.

24) Upset at where society is going. Experience a desire to change the world for the better.
I am upset at everything, not just the society.

25) Feeling trapped or tied down by fiscal responsibilities.
Who isn’t? It’s a competitive world.

26) Leaving (Mentally or Physically) family or feeling trapped in current family relationships.
I feel great about having my wife and daughter around me. I have no problem with them.

27) A desire to teach others or become a healer.
I desire to hurt people.

28) Desiring a simple life.
I just want to dick around doing nothing because I’m lazy.

29) Excessively looking back to one’s childhood.
I have a really dark childhood and reminiscing it would make me depressed. So, no.

30) Playing again just to play!
This is a sign of retardation. The symptom itself is retarded.

31) Keep re-asking yourself: “Where am I going with my life?”
I keep asking myself – “How do I go there?” – if you know what I mean…

32) Getting fixated on new “wonder” solutions to problems.
I am an engineer and I solve problems everyday. ‘Wonder’ solutions only apply to people who are religious (see #4) or [insert your own offensive slur about the people you hate]

33) Recently experiencing something extremely stressful. Stress can trigger a Midlife transformation. Some examples include: Changing Jobs, Divorce, Death of someone close, Chemical/Toxic exposure upon the body or experiencing a major illness.
I had a job change to Company T – and it was for better transformation. Company Y was a big shithole. Company T is a less of a shithole. Much less.

34) Doing things that get you into trouble when it surprises everyone as being out of character.
When I’m intoxicated – yeah.

35) Someone unexpectedly exclaims: “You are going through a midlife crisis!”
Most of the time – just ‘asshole’. But that doesn’t mean it’ll come true.

Mid life? Yes. Crisis? Yes. Mid life crisis? Nope.

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | 

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