April 1, 2013

psychology 101

I see many people in my workplace (or my previous workplace, for that matter) decorating their work cubicles or office with all sorts of stuff. I’ve seen one who collected keychains over the years of travelling (and there were shitloads of them)… one with airplane models collection that he probably missed too much when he was a child… one with banners all over it telling people that he’s a Manchester United fan (whooooo gives a fuckkk???) and the worst of all, one with family photos of the whole fucking generation adorning every inch in his office workspace. It is a sight all too common to many of you, I believe.

You know what? Big mistake. NEVER, EVER, FUCKING, DO THAT : Decorating your cubes. It should be in fact, left as bare and empty as it can be. I understand that some people may just want to get comfortable working by personalizing their workspace, but trust me, it is not worth it. And you’re not suppose to get comfortable working. Reason is simple, let me quote you a few examples.

1) You have some change that you want to dispose of very badly, and there are 2 beggars in front of you. One emaciated with torn rags, and the other is a fat fuck wearing a sweater. Who would you give it to?
2) You wanted to organize some charity work. Maybe paint a building or something. You have a choice to choose between a run down orphanage with fungus all over it, or a spanking new old folks home housing a bunch of old farts telling dirty jokes. Which would you choose?
3) You have a thick need to get laid. You have a choice between 2 hot chicks with great bodies. One a drunk demanding you to pay for her next drink, and the other demanding you to do it to her at least 2 hours or she’ll die of cancer. Who would you give it to?

You’d choose the one who needs it most. If you don’t get the gist of it, you’re probably retarded and should fucking take a dive into a toilet bowl.

Your boss sees the same thing. He sees a choice. When a boss runs a department, he runs it like a business (if a boss is claiming otherwise, it’s bullshit). It’s all about statistics. Every year, he’ll have to figure out who gets the raise, and who doesn’t. The distribution curve, he is governed by it. He has to pick the top and the bottom, doesn’t matter if he likes all his employees or not. But things do get easier if he hates everyone who works for him though – he can just do it with no qualms, you know, to select the bottom guy in the curve. It gets a bit complicated, however, if he is cool with everyone who works for him. In such situation, everything will matter in the complex equation of determining who gets the pay snag. Letting him know you’re comfortable with your job, is one of them. When he sees that you have a very decorated and personalized cube in the office, you’re telling him this – “Don’t worry about me. I am comfortable with my job and I am happy with what I have. I’d stay here for as long as I can, even with no raise.”… and your boss is going to give the raise to the guy with the most empty and lifeless cubicle, because his cubicle just told the boss that he’s prepared to leave anytime if shit doesn’t get any better. By doing that, he’d more likely get to keep the happy employee and the unhappy one (who’s about to get happy with the raise). It’s a situation he needed to address, and logic tells him it’s the only way.

Me? I never decorated my workspace in my life. It’s as bare as a hyena’s bunghole in an open savannah. A lion can never tackle it. It’s unintentional, however. It was actually a habit I picked up when I was working for Company X, which had a tradition of shifting its employees’ workspace around a few times in a quarter, and I worked out the fact that the less things I have, the less fretful I’d get when it comes to that. It was a blessing in disguise though, and I continue to tell people that I don’t hate to never decorate their cubes.

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | 

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