Archive for April, 2013

April 23, 2013

kids don’t give a shit

My daughter Regine was recently ‘threatened’ by a classmate of hers, apparently over a sticker exchange that didn’t go quite well. I’ll spare the details but it all started with that classmate, who demanded her stickers back after an exchange with my daughter. And when my daughter was unable to give it back (she’d lost it or given it to someone else), that classmate spun a ‘threat’ about wanting to get someone to whack Regine. Being a timid little turd (unlike me), Regine got piss scared and was unable to even eat her food during recess.

When my wife found out about the incident, she discussed it with me, and told me about her intention of wanting to talk some sense into that samseng girl, to which I opposed. My argument is, YOU SIMPLY CAN’T TALK SOME SENSE INTO A 7 YEAR OLD. If they have senses, they wouldn’t be watching shits like Barney or Barbie. I told my wife – If you talk to her, she’d just hear a bunch of bullshit and probably gonna nod or something, and then she’d go back to business as usual. How do I know that? Well, I was once like that samseng girl. I could imagine myself in her shoes.

It happened when I was also 7 years old (Standard 1). I was in a fight in the schoolbus I was in, with an Indian boy named ‘Xavier’, who’s 3 years my senior (Standard 4). Let’s just say, it didn’t go quite well for him. He ended up with some really nasty bruises, and a bite mark that scared his parents shitless (yes, I bit him. He tasted like curry). What happened next was hilarious. Xavier summoned his father to ‘talk some senses’ into me. You know what happened? I didn’t hear shit. All I remember was Xavier’s dad standing next to the schoolbus window (that I was hanging out next to) like a fucking idiot talking loudly to me, emotionally charged. The only thing I had in mind then, was how hard I am going to laugh at Xavier’s ass for being such a loser, and how much harder I am going to hurt him in the next fight. See my point? Kids don’t give a shit.

But I know, the situation would have been different if Xavier took it to the school and had me incarcerated. I’d be shitting in my pants (for some strange reasons, kids are scared of authorities). So, that’s why I suggested my wife to take it to the class teacher instead. That samseng girl will definitely pay some attention that way, and she will get monitored by that teacher. And if we’re really lucky, she might even shit her pants, and she’d think twice before messing with anyone again.

And Emily did just that. Too bad the samseng girl didn’t shit her pants. But I think I’m going to send my daughter to a Taekwon-do class that I’ve been wanting to. The time is ripe for her to stand up for herself. That incident could have been a great opportunity for her to put her skills to practice, but we missed the chance. We’ll take the next one.

michaelooi  | experiences  | Comments Off
April 17, 2013

Lim Guan Eng

I’m sure most of you people have heard what they said about Lim Guan Eng, the current chief minister of Penang – that he’s cocky, arrogant, aggressive and acts like he’s a deity or some shit like that. You know what I think about that? I think it’s all cool. I mean, he’s a Chief Minister of a state for fuck’s sake. The ONLY Chinese Chief Minister in a predominantly Malay country. He has a bunch of corrupted shit fucks to control, who have been in the state government for years… rooted to the bedrock and hiding all kinds of shit. You know what does it take to control that kind of filth? An attitude as hard as a diamond and a deep resolute, with a little bit arrogance to the taste.

Ask any managers (or even higher ranked leaders) about this, and they would agree with me. It’s prerequisite even at a lower scale, eg. in an organisation within a company. You have to be tough to be at the top position. You know what happens when you’re not tough enough? You’ll get people walk all over you and you’re not going to get your shit together. Just look at the previous Chief Minister of Penang (who is now an epitome of cowardice – even garnered enough fame to have a breed of seedless durian named after him – an allegory of not having ‘balls’).

And also, what’s with the paranoia about Lim Guan Eng having a mistress? So what if he has a mistress? Ask yourself, do you mind what your boss does after the office hours? Does it affect you and your job? Doesn’t fucking make any sense at all. If his morality is at stake, then why are we ok with that Chua Soi Lek – who has a 30 min long video of him porking and howling – running a vernacular political party (representing us Chinese, fucking hell) and going around giving his opinions like it matters? And what do you guys make of the incident of Lim Guan Eng protecting the innocence of a child whom he didn’t know, and had to go to prison for that? If I were to judge him by his acts of morality, I’d say he still has a few hundreds of mistresses to go before I’d *even* consider him a crook. Yes, that is how high he is in my respect book. Going to jail for some whipper snapper he doesn’t even know, that takes a lot of courage. He has a pair of balls bigger than all the men in Penang combined, and he has my respect for that. (I can’t name anyone else in the country who’d get that kind of respect from me.)

So, instead of instilling rancor to that tough image of this guy, shouldn’t we all be fucking glad that we have a badass CM running the government? Fuck yeah for me. I’m going to fucking vote for him if given the chance.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off
April 11, 2013

year of a rat

Regine, my beloved 6.5 years old daughter… takes after me.

Regine: “Daddy, do we have the year of a mouse?”

Me: “No, but we have the year of a rat. Why?”

Regine: “Hmmm, I have a friend who looks like a rat”

Me: “So you think she might be born in the year of a rat? Because she looks like a rat?”

Regine: “Yes.”

Me: “Well, she might be.”

michaelooi  | 3-of-us  | Comments Off
April 1, 2013

psychology 101

I see many people in my workplace (or my previous workplace, for that matter) decorating their work cubicles or office with all sorts of stuff. I’ve seen one who collected keychains over the years of travelling (and there were shitloads of them)… one with airplane models collection that he probably missed too much when he was a child… one with banners all over it telling people that he’s a Manchester United fan (whooooo gives a fuckkk???) and the worst of all, one with family photos of the whole fucking generation adorning every inch in his office workspace. It is a sight all too common to many of you, I believe.

You know what? Big mistake. NEVER, EVER, FUCKING, DO THAT : Decorating your cubes. It should be in fact, left as bare and empty as it can be. I understand that some people may just want to get comfortable working by personalizing their workspace, but trust me, it is not worth it. And you’re not suppose to get comfortable working. Reason is simple, let me quote you a few examples.

1) You have some change that you want to dispose of very badly, and there are 2 beggars in front of you. One emaciated with torn rags, and the other is a fat fuck wearing a sweater. Who would you give it to?
2) You wanted to organize some charity work. Maybe paint a building or something. You have a choice to choose between a run down orphanage with fungus all over it, or a spanking new old folks home housing a bunch of old farts telling dirty jokes. Which would you choose?
3) You have a thick need to get laid. You have a choice between 2 hot chicks with great bodies. One a drunk demanding you to pay for her next drink, and the other demanding you to do it to her at least 2 hours or she’ll die of cancer. Who would you give it to?

You’d choose the one who needs it most. If you don’t get the gist of it, you’re probably retarded and should fucking take a dive into a toilet bowl.

Your boss sees the same thing. He sees a choice. When a boss runs a department, he runs it like a business (if a boss is claiming otherwise, it’s bullshit). It’s all about statistics. Every year, he’ll have to figure out who gets the raise, and who doesn’t. The distribution curve, he is governed by it. He has to pick the top and the bottom, doesn’t matter if he likes all his employees or not. But things do get easier if he hates everyone who works for him though – he can just do it with no qualms, you know, to select the bottom guy in the curve. It gets a bit complicated, however, if he is cool with everyone who works for him. In such situation, everything will matter in the complex equation of determining who gets the pay snag. Letting him know you’re comfortable with your job, is one of them. When he sees that you have a very decorated and personalized cube in the office, you’re telling him this – “Don’t worry about me. I am comfortable with my job and I am happy with what I have. I’d stay here for as long as I can, even with no raise.”… and your boss is going to give the raise to the guy with the most empty and lifeless cubicle, because his cubicle just told the boss that he’s prepared to leave anytime if shit doesn’t get any better. By doing that, he’d more likely get to keep the happy employee and the unhappy one (who’s about to get happy with the raise). It’s a situation he needed to address, and logic tells him it’s the only way.

Me? I never decorated my workspace in my life. It’s as bare as a hyena’s bunghole in an open savannah. A lion can never tackle it. It’s unintentional, however. It was actually a habit I picked up when I was working for Company X, which had a tradition of shifting its employees’ workspace around a few times in a quarter, and I worked out the fact that the less things I have, the less fretful I’d get when it comes to that. It was a blessing in disguise though, and I continue to tell people that I don’t hate to never decorate their cubes.

michaelooi  | enlightenments  | Comments Off