Archive for January, 2013

January 17, 2013

weird parents at school

You wouldn’t believe how many weird parents I have seen at my daughter’s school. I mean, we know people like them exist, but to know that these people actually have progenies – that fucking baffles the mind.

One of them would be this old hag who must be in her 60’s. The first time I saw her, I almost had a stroke, even though my vitals are ok. She had this dyed shit brown hair, and permed to look like pencil shavings from a mechanical sharpener (it was surreal). Then she had this sheer white dress on, with light blue undergarments which everyone could see clearly. The dress was very short, revealing a pair of legs that looked like they had contusions on them, and looked damn fucking odd without toe tags on. And platform shoes that looked like they would trigger a foot cramp anytime. Finally, her face. She had thick make up on, and she looked like Gorn creature in Star Trek (only that Gorn actually dressed more decently). *flat lines*

The shock factor could be likened as how you would imagine Moses parting the red sea. Only the sea that she parted was the sea of people. A couple of mamaks were seen snickering behind her back, and some were at the verge of gagging.

I can only imagine how difficult this is for her kid. Her classmates are definitely going to say something mean, and the humiliation she’s going to go through will be traumatic. “Oh look at her zombie prostitute mom!”. Well, maybe she’s a great parent, I don’t know. But what the fuck do I care… in my opinion, she could have done a lot more for her kid by simply dressing more decently when showing up at school. Not like a skank all the way up. Weird parents. Fucking hell.

(speaking of her age, if she’s in her mid 60’s, that standard 1 kid that she was picking up couldn’t have been her child. If it’s her child, that would have meant that her menopause was running like, seriously fucking late, nevermind the odds of her finding a mate. So, my best guess is, that child must be her grandkid, which makes this even more shocking…)

michaelooi  | what I saw  | Comments Off
January 14, 2013

something that ought to get invented already

You know, one of the things that ought to get invented already, is a kid safe discreet tranquillizer. It is what the name says – a tranquillizer, that is safe for kids.

I do not know what’s wrong with the society, but I’ve been seeing a lot of wacky kids around these days that needed serious tranquillizing. You know, screaming, trashing and going crazy around like they’ve been possessed by a poltergeist. Back in my days, this would have been dealt with a hard back hand spank and that would definitely remedy the problem right away. But parents nowadays are too chicken shit to do that, fearing that their kids might turn into a psycho when they grow up or something (which is ironic, can’t they see that their kid is ALREADY BEHAVING LIKE THAT??). And speaking of screaming, all of the crazy kids seem to have this gift of making the most annoying high pitch scream that annoys me to the bone every fucking time.

So, I was thinking, why not a tranquillizer? They do this to animals, and mental patients in institutions when situations get out of hand. Why can’t they use the same method to control the kids? We can make it a kid-safe one. Like, fortified with vitamins and shit. A ranged non-piercing discreet kind of dart that attaches to the skin and administer a chemical that would immediately calm the tyrant the fuck down. The guy would sit down, all relaxed and would exhibit short term compliance to any instructions like “Finish your fucking rice now” or “Go clean up the kitty litter”. We can be more creative, and make the tranquillizer cross compatible too – like instead of administrating through the said weapon, the chemical ammo can be dropped into the little turd’s drink like Eno or Alka Seltzer.

The shit’s definitely gonna sell.

michaelooi  | imaginations  | Comments Off
January 11, 2013

Unix

As you all have learnt, my 6.5 year old daughter started her primary one last week. Second week in her school, she already started a computer class there. Being an engineer specializing in this field, I was curious, on what have they been teaching my daughter…

“So, Regine, what did they teach you in the computer class today?”

“How to off the computer. And write my name with it.”

“Off the computer? You mean the start then shutdown button in Windows? Don’t you already knew how to do this?”

“Yes”

“What else did they teach you?”

“Unix system”

I was startled for a while. I was like – they are teaching Unix in primary school?? Wow. I’m impressed already! Seeing that I was totally in OMFG mode, she prodded further…

“So daddy, do we have a Unix system?”

“Ermm, we don’t. We use Windows. But I do use some Linux in my workplace, which is kind of similar to Unix and…”

Before I could finish further, she interrupted “Noooo, not Unix. It’s UNIT SISTEM”.

Well, it appears that she was referring to the term, ‘Unit system’ – which is another lame ass description in BeeEm referring to a desktop unit of a personal computer – which I mistakenly heard as ‘Unix system’. Makahai. I might need to get my ears checked.

michaelooi  | 3-of-us  | Comments Off
January 6, 2013

east vs west

Now that Christmas is over, the next holiday week that most people are looking forward would be the Chinese New Year (abbreviated as CNY). In the short span of about 1.5 months, most business premises would struggle to change their decorations from the Christmas theme to the CNY theme. Quite a big change for most people, but for me, I can’t help but wonder on the ‘too much to be just coincidence’ similarities between the two – especially on the 2 lead figures of both celebrations – Santa Claus and God of Prosperity. So much similar, that it would have warranted a lawsuit if either holiday were to be run by shit companies like Apple.

Anyway, let me line out the similarities between both, and you guys decide for yourself.

Body size – fat with bulging belly.
I understand that in the (ancient) Chinese culture, fatasses with huge belly signifies wealth and fortune. It shows that he is well fed, and he doesn’t need to do shit. But I can’t explain about Santa. My take is, a fat old guy is rounder therefore, it is more likeable for the kids (as opposed to a skinny guy that looked like a drug addict).

Beard – thick long beard
Well, it isn’t really ‘thick’ per se for the God of Prosperity but, his overflowing lush beard is da shit in the oriental standard. Santa’s beard is huge as well.

Choice of color for the garb – red.
Well it’s really simple for the Chinese. Red signifies fortune, and also the myth on the Nin monster being scared of red (and loud noise) or something like that. So, the God of Prosperity is conveniently red (and gold). For Santa, it’s red as well.

Motive – to give shit away to people.
Santa gives away toys to behaving kids. God of Fortune does it further – he gives away gold and fortune to any lucky bastard.

Hat – wears a fucking hat.
Santa’s hat changes all the time, but the most iconic one would be the same type we see sexy santarinas wear at pubs during Christmas eve. God Of Fortune wears a hard tall hat with 2 antennas that is similar to ancient Chinese government officials’. The type of hat usually signifies ranking in the society and the wealth status (and perhaps to boost mobile signal reception). Both have hats, even though neither has male pattern baldness.

Age – seems old
Both are old geezers in their 60’s – 70’s. At this age if you’re this fat, you’re usually marked for death from either an overwhelming high blood pressure, or osteoporosis for having to hold that huge amount of weight with those brittling old bones.

The existence.
Do you see any other holiday with fat geezers going around giving away stuff? If I get to choose, I’d opt for a hourglass shaped bimbo with perfect tits and tap-able ass to do the job. Go figure.

Of course, there are things that are not the same at all – like,
– the God of Prosperity is actually worshipped as a deity. And you don’t have to be good to get the benefits. It is said that the mere sight of the ‘God of Prosperity’ alone would grant you bright future and fortune.
– In Christianity? They have seen Mother Mary, and Jesus on their toast (ironically, no Santa Claus) – they fucking cried and prayed harder (but nothing happened).
– Santa has a sleigh with reindeers, and utilizes some elf labors to manufacture the toys.
– God of Prosperity materializes gold out of thin air, and he fucking walks (or teleports).
– Santa covertly climbs down the chimney to give away toys
– God of Prosperity walks to your door step and does drive-by blessing (or rather, walk-by)

And the God of Prosperity pre-dates Christmas for about a few decades… at a time when no one knew China even existed! So I guess sometimes shit like ‘too much of a coincidence’ can actually happen… or China had already spread its influence way back before we thought it was possible? Another theory would be that, both are actually the same person, that came to visit us from outer space? o__O”

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off