My 6 year old daughter couldn’t stop harping about wanting a goddamn rabbit (or two) as pet(s). It was in my top priority list of things to worry about and it totally ruined my weekend. After a day’s worth of cajoling and shit, Emily finally managed to convince Regine to have a couple of goldfish instead. I was like, well, that’s definitely better than a fucking rabbit so, it was on – my wife got our little kid a couple of goldfish (to placate that little tyrant), which she fondly name them as Starry and Sunny.
I thought it was going to be easy to keep a couple of goldfish, but I was fucking wrong. First mistake – I shouldn’t have assumed that a 6 year old girl would honor her words that she’d take care of a couple of fish in the name of being responsible. The truth is, she just wanted to keep them, not taking care of them. Like slaves. No strings attached. The second mistake – I shouldn’t have assumed that taking care of a couple goldfish is easy. It’s not.
So, as expected, it ended up being me having to take care of the fish. One thing I’ve learned about fish (or goldfish, for that matter) – is that goldfish seem to have the ability to turn very little amount of food into massive amount of slime and shit. I have to clean the fucking tank like, once every 2 days lest they’d stink up the whole house! (and believe me, it really stinks!). Also, they seem to be hungry all the time, and this sort of becomes a perpetual cycle of feeding them and watching them producing more shit (another thing I also learned is, fish do not have a sphincter. i.e. they can’t clip the shit off their ass, so their shit would grossly stuck out of their ass until it drops off its own.).
Me in my sorry state of woes. I’m leaving the commenting system open for any advice on taking care of goldfish – like if any of you know of any synthetic drug that can mutate the goldfish to eat/shit less, or simply being able to do it without murking up the goddamn water… just let me know.