May 28, 2012

farewell emails

There has been a spate of resignations in Company Y (my ex-company) lately. From my gross estimate, it goes at the rate of 2 – 3 employees leaving each month. That’s why for the last few months before I left, I get to read a lot of ‘farewell emails’ from many colleagues.

One thing that I notice about these ‘farewell emails’ – Leaving employees seem to like to make it sound like it is a suicide note, or their last day on Earth. It usually starts with a gloom announcement that it is their last day in the workplace, and a short description of how wonderful it has been to be in the Company (which we all know is a fucking lie), then a dedicated note asking for forgiveness for any misdeeds the person has unintentionally done and end it with a wish that the company would do well.

In my opinion, the whole thing is just plain wrong. That’s no way to write a ‘farewell email’… First of all, it would be a travesty to extol or sing praises to something without meaning it (if you really mean it, then it’s fine). But the people who left Company Y did it because it is a shitty company with shitty management, everyone knows it. Singing praises in the farewell email would then paint an impression that the person’s a crooked person. And then, there’s the fucked up thing about asking for forgiveness. It gives people an impression that – being a professional – you do not know a single shit you’re doing, that’s why you asked for a blanket forgiveness for EVERYTHING you’ve ever done. If that isn’t fucked up, then what is? I do things only when I have given a thorough thought about it, and never regret it later only when I fucking leave the company. I stand by my actions and if you don’t like it, you can go fuck yourself.

To me, a ‘farewell email’ should be strictly professional and straight to the point. The email must be value added and people would benefit from reading it. I don’t write shits for the sake of writing it. I’d leave the emo part out, and if one must do it anyway, you can do the hugging, grab ass and pity fuck offline, but not in the email to the whole company. My farewell email in Company Y contains the information about my transition to the new owner (so others know who to look for after you’ve quit), and some short/simple farewell (with no sugar coating). Here’s the copy of it:

All,
Please be informed that today is my last day of employment in [Company Y].

I have fully transitioned my last held responsibilities to the following engineers in respective areas:

[Business sector 1]:
A support / reporting – Engineer A
B report / support – Engineer A
C support / reporting – Engineer B / Supervisor A
D process support – Engineer B
General Quality lead – Engineer B

[Business sector 2]:
A support / reporting – Engineer B / Supervisor A
B process support – Engineer B
General Quality lead – Engineer B

[Business sector 3 / 4]:
A support / reporting – Engineer B / Supervisor A
B process support – Engineer B
General Quality lead – Engineer B

[Business sector 5]:
A support / reporting – Engineer C
B process support – Engineer C
General Quality lead – Engineer C

If you have any other query pertaining Quality roles and responsibilities, you may contact FuckChicken [my manager] for further assistance.

My post departure contacts are as follow, in case any of you requires my participation in brainstorming sessions for pFMEA or Process Control Plan to research on the safest and best process to remove stress with alcoholic beverage:

Email:
[email address]

Facebook:

Cellphone:
[cellphone number]

I wish all of you great success in your careers, and continuous joy in life.

‘Until we meet again’.

Michael Ooi

This was attention-ed to everyone that has a direct line of contact with me on the job (that’s like, 80% of the whole Company Y). I left with my head held high and without leaving my balls.

michaelooi  | work shit  | 

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