Archive for May, 2012

May 28, 2012

farewell emails

There has been a spate of resignations in Company Y (my ex-company) lately. From my gross estimate, it goes at the rate of 2 – 3 employees leaving each month. That’s why for the last few months before I left, I get to read a lot of ‘farewell emails’ from many colleagues.

One thing that I notice about these ‘farewell emails’ – Leaving employees seem to like to make it sound like it is a suicide note, or their last day on Earth. It usually starts with a gloom announcement that it is their last day in the workplace, and a short description of how wonderful it has been to be in the Company (which we all know is a fucking lie), then a dedicated note asking for forgiveness for any misdeeds the person has unintentionally done and end it with a wish that the company would do well.

In my opinion, the whole thing is just plain wrong. That’s no way to write a ‘farewell email’… First of all, it would be a travesty to extol or sing praises to something without meaning it (if you really mean it, then it’s fine). But the people who left Company Y did it because it is a shitty company with shitty management, everyone knows it. Singing praises in the farewell email would then paint an impression that the person’s a crooked person. And then, there’s the fucked up thing about asking for forgiveness. It gives people an impression that – being a professional – you do not know a single shit you’re doing, that’s why you asked for a blanket forgiveness for EVERYTHING you’ve ever done. If that isn’t fucked up, then what is? I do things only when I have given a thorough thought about it, and never regret it later only when I fucking leave the company. I stand by my actions and if you don’t like it, you can go fuck yourself.

To me, a ‘farewell email’ should be strictly professional and straight to the point. The email must be value added and people would benefit from reading it. I don’t write shits for the sake of writing it. I’d leave the emo part out, and if one must do it anyway, you can do the hugging, grab ass and pity fuck offline, but not in the email to the whole company. My farewell email in Company Y contains the information about my transition to the new owner (so others know who to look for after you’ve quit), and some short/simple farewell (with no sugar coating). Here’s the copy of it:

All,
Please be informed that today is my last day of employment in [Company Y].

I have fully transitioned my last held responsibilities to the following engineers in respective areas:

[Business sector 1]:
A support / reporting – Engineer A
B report / support – Engineer A
C support / reporting – Engineer B / Supervisor A
D process support – Engineer B
General Quality lead – Engineer B

[Business sector 2]:
A support / reporting – Engineer B / Supervisor A
B process support – Engineer B
General Quality lead – Engineer B

[Business sector 3 / 4]:
A support / reporting – Engineer B / Supervisor A
B process support – Engineer B
General Quality lead – Engineer B

[Business sector 5]:
A support / reporting – Engineer C
B process support – Engineer C
General Quality lead – Engineer C

If you have any other query pertaining Quality roles and responsibilities, you may contact FuckChicken [my manager] for further assistance.

My post departure contacts are as follow, in case any of you requires my participation in brainstorming sessions for pFMEA or Process Control Plan to research on the safest and best process to remove stress with alcoholic beverage:

Email:
[email address]

Facebook:

Cellphone:
[cellphone number]

I wish all of you great success in your careers, and continuous joy in life.

‘Until we meet again’.

Michael Ooi

This was attention-ed to everyone that has a direct line of contact with me on the job (that’s like, 80% of the whole Company Y). I left with my head held high and without leaving my balls.

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May 22, 2012

Diablo III

I’m a big Diablo fan. The game and I go back a long way when I was still a teenager. Brings back a lot of memories, this Diablo. I’ve played virtually every version there is, and enjoyed every moment of being unproductive with it. So, when the latest title came out – Diablo III – I was as happy as a lark. ‘Finally!’, I thought, and went ahead to buy this game.

It was the biggest fucking mistake.

Blizzard Entertainment absolutely murdered the game. It is now officially the WORST game I’ve ever played. No mistake, the graphics and gameplay of Diablo III is absolutely stunning, although it is nothing of a breakthrough (like the first Diablo in franchise). But what’s the use of all that when it can’t be played? “What do you mean it can’t be played?” – well, you see, because this game is designed in such a way, that you’d require an active connection through the internet to a bunch of fucked up servers called ‘battle.net’ to play (yes, even for a single player game), which unfortunately, goes down more often than a debt ridden hooker on prospective clients’ dicks to earn extra bucks. And when the servers go down, so would your game. That is why fans all over the world who purchased Diablo fucking III are screaming bloody murder right now, for either not being able to start the game at all, or keep getting disconnected mid game. It’s basically unplayable. If you think this is a game that will let you pass time in a quiet weekend afternoon, you can forget about it. It’s not gonna happen because it is impossible.

So, instead of being like how an entertaining game should be, this piece of shit would give you high blood pressure, because half the time you spend using this product will be on cursing some faceless fat people who didn’t use their brain to design something this important, and another quarter of the time will be spent on giving up hope on people and to contemplate of being a xenophobic. You’re going to be deluged with so much rage and disappointment, that it’ll change you entirely. This is how fucked up Diablo III is (and I see it as a reflection of how fucked up the society is…). Stay away from this shit, it’s not worth a single cent.

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May 16, 2012

like a boss

Over the farewell lunch, my boss FuckChicken asked me a question…

FuckChicken: “So Michael, you’re going to start work at your new workplace next week?”

Me: “Not really.”

FuckChicken: “So when are you going to start then?”

Me: “In June.”

It kinda surprised him, as I had lied to him about not able to extend my notice due to the new workplace commitments.

FuckChicken: [surprised] “You’re going for a holiday?”

Me: “Well, I’m going to tell you 2 words. If you get it, then you’d understand. If you don’t, then nevermind.”

FuckChicken: “Ok, what is it then?”

Me: “Diablo III”

FuckChicken: [scowling] “What is that?”

Me: “Nevermind.”

I saw a couple of them engineers nodding discreetly in approval, but not FuckChicken (as expected). And he went on to remark that he’d need to catch up with the ‘technology’. The fucker thought ‘Diablo III’ is some techie jargon… hahah (but then in a way, it kind of fucking is…)

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May 9, 2012

no shit

Caught this in the news today…

[Source]
Survey: 60.4% men unmarried
KUALA LUMPUR: About 2.5 million Malaysians, aged 25 and above are unmarried. And there are more single men than women.

They include those who are divorced and widowed, according to the Population and Housing Census in 2010.

Deputy Women, Family and Community Development Minister Heng Sai Kee told the Dewan Negara yesterday that among the unmarried Malaysians, 60.4% were men and 39.6% women.

She said the average age of men marrying for the first time dropped to 28 in 2010, compared to 28.6 in 2000.

“Women marry at the average age of 25.7 compared to 25.1 in 2000,” she said, replying to Senator Datuk Boon Som Inong, who asked for the number of unmarried men and women in Malaysia and the reason for it.

Heng said the fourth Malaysian Population and Family Survey conducted by the National Population and Family Development Board showed 32.1% of respondents had never tied the knot.

Of this number, 55.6% were men and 44.4% women.

“According to 44.7% of the male respondents, they didn’t marry due to financial problems.

“Others cited that there were no suitable candidates (19.3%), career (12.8%), family commitment (6.3%) and other reasons.

“Forty per cent of women said they did not marry as they have not found eligible suitors.

“Some mentioned financial problems (14%), career (8.4%), comfort in being single (8.4%), family commitment (7.4%) and other reasons,” added Heng.

She said the ministry has no plans to set up a matchmaking agency or an online matchmaking service, adding that this was already being done by private companies, non-governmental organisations, religious bodies and some political parties. – Bernama

Do you want to know why are there so many single guys in Malaysia? 3 main reasons:

1) Polygamy. Illegal for non-Muslims, but legal for our lucky Muslim friends (up to 4 wives allowed – if certain conditions are met). Because Muslim is the biggest majority in Malaysia, technically speaking, we would need more than 1:1 of women to men ratio to break that shit even. It’s just mathematics from there on… and you’d have figured out that there just isn’t enough women to get married to every man in this country. (I personally know a few such lucky fuckers, who have more than 1 wife)

2) Homosexuality. The statistics mentioned only men and women. But we all know that big bucket of mess up pretty much consists of some homos and lesbos, who’d prefer to pound on each other’s backside or do it with strap-ons. That accounts for a big percentage of them (I personally know a few of such individuals too…), which skews the statistics greatly. (filter them out, you’d get a slightly better odds)

3) Technology. We have 4G and shit now. Kids have easy access to porn more than the access to the public library nowadays. Suddenly, the opposite sex doesn’t seem all that mysterious to them anymore, and a percentage of them probably lost the will to socialize and stick to fapping at home.

…so, it’s pretty normal…

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