April 9, 2012

douchebag cyclists

Notice all of a sudden, everyone seems to be in the new fad of cycling nowadays? Not sure who started that but, it’s fast becoming an eyesore now. Cycling used to be a cool past time, until some bunch of people started to make it look like a staple past time for douchebags. And before you know it, every douchebag starts to embrace this activity like how hippies flock to puff some joints, get high and have sex with animals. I know I’m gonna draw a lot of flak here, because a lot of my friends are in this bandwagon. But you know what? I don’t really care.

First thing of all, you’ve got to barf on the ill sense of fashion there. If you think golfers looked real fucking bad, you should have seen how these ‘cyclists’ dress up. Oh I’m sure you’ve seen them around before. Spandex suits, tights, Oakley shades and helmet (whatever you call it). You see, professional cyclists needed to wear that kind of garb to make themselves more aerodynamic, and perhaps to reduce the impedance of their every movement – because every second they save, could mean a gold medal in the game. But these dickwads, they’ve got no seconds to save here. These wannabes are recreational cyclists. They cycle around town, whiffing carbon monoxide, puff a cigarette or two during the 2 hour break. The aerodynamic-ness is probably regressed by the massive beer belly or the twin man-boobs there. So what the fuck’s with the tights there? Coz they’re fucked up, that’s why.

And perhaps you’d hear a few of them brag about which bicycle frame they’re going to import from Europe, and how light its molded carbon body’s gonna be. I was thinking, if this cycling business is all about exercising or sports, then isn’t it better that the bicycle’s heavier? (you’ll exert more energy to move the darn thing) Why bother spending a few thousands more to buy a ‘lightweight’ carbon body bicycle? What’s the fucking point? Go faster? By 20 parsecs? Doesn’t make any sense at all. Notice that these are the same type of people who’d bitch about how Gardenia is 30 cents more expensive than Masimmo (or something like that) and makes them think it warrants for a boycott campaign, but would spend an arm and a leg on a stupid bicycle that is probably only 2 seconds faster than a regular one. This whole shebang kinda reminds me of those horsepower increasing stickers and spastic screw-on spoilers you see on a rustic bumpkin’s car.

Cycling used to be a fun thing I did before as a kid (I used to cycle 15 clicks a day to work), and I did it with a pair of bermudas, flip flops and faulty brakes. I had shitloads of scars on both my knees from bicycle stunts that went wrong, and so did my cousins. Was it ever about showing off? Nope, 2 wheels and working pedals were all that we needed for a bike. But look at it now. Cycling has turned so gay, that it makes gay people think it is gay.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 

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