Archive for March, 2012

March 26, 2012

hitam

My workplace has shitloads of Indons, if you can’t already tell by now, given the number of posts I have written about them throughout the year. If one had to ask why, I’d say this has to be part of Company Y’s ‘high level strategy’ on cost saving, because it is so fucking cheap like that.

Anyway, there is this Indon girl who works under the program I’m in. I couldn’t really remember her name well, because when it comes to names, I only allow 8 bit of memory to keep them. Any name that goes beyond 3 syllables, will likely be forgotten by my good self. This particular Indon girl, has a 5 syllable name (or something like that), and covers all the available vowels. That’s why I do not bother, and instead called her ‘Hitam mia…’ (Malay for ‘The dark one’). That of course, was derived from her unusually dark complexion. Hell, she’s darker than one of my ex-classmates who went by the name Darshan Singh, whom I last saw about a decade ago, at an illegal parking lot waving cars.

So, I’d go around referring her as ‘Hitam mia…’. “You ada bagi training sama itu hitam mia?”. “Itu hitam mia kerja malam?” You get the idea. And she’s perfectly fine about that, or so I thought.

A couple days ago, I was attending some issues at the line, when this ‘hitam mia’ appeared out of nowhere sporting this uneven wear of what resembled a thin layer of undercoat water based paint on her face. It was white and it was shockingly hideous. I had to ask…

“Eh, you mia muka apa pasal aa? You taruk bedak aa?”

She coyly looked away, and a colleague of hers overheard me asking that and remarked – indeed this ‘hitam mia’ wore some foundation powder on her face. That colleague also added on, that it was because I had been calling her ‘hitam mia’…

“Oh, so you pakai bedak sekarang, you tarak hitam lagi lar, is it?”

‘The dark one’ then looked at me, about to get furious.

“Kalau tak mau hitam, you kena sapu bedak kat leher, telinga, tangan, kaki juga. Sekarang muka you putih, yang lain semua hitam, lagi teruk lar!”

And then I went on ridiculing her for the next 15 minutes, which totally ruined her day. I guess that would be the last time she ever wear bedak on her face…

michaelooi  | happenings  | Comments Off
March 12, 2012

division ‘unwanted bastard child’

*this is a long rant, you can choose not to read it*

Not long ago, I wrote about ‘the people from the main plant’, you know, the bunch of conceited but underpaid shit-stains who think they’re awesome because they have a bigger organization. Recently, there is this manager who just joined this group at the main plant, let’s call him Gaylord for the fun of it. Gaylord, being somewhat gay looking and wimpy, joined at the wrong time, for his main customer was at its raging peak stirring up fuckloads of shit about the quality of Company Y’s products.

That explains why this Gaylord was tasked with the seemingly gargantuan task of drafting a strategy plan of what he’s gonna fucking do to keep his job relevant (that’s what managers do). Now, Company Y at my division (division ‘unwanted bastard child’), is a completely different segment and Gaylord has no authority over what happens here at our place. That is why 1 week ago, he called for a meeting with our team to plead for help. He wanted us to draft a similar strategy plan, like theirs – which he’d need to park into his deck of presentation that would serve the one and only purpose – that is to bullshit his ass through this shitstorm.

Now, the most fucked up thing about this whole dirty business is, I was the one who’s got to do it for Company Y division ‘unwanted bastard child’. The Engineer. Who is given no power of whatsoever to make any changes. Hell, my manager couldn’t even get me an engineer, which I requested 8 months ago. I was already juggling the duty of 5 engineers at the moment, barely has enough time to eat, and these dickwads want me to draft a strategy plan for the company?? This should be my boss’ job!

Pissed off, I did what I think was pragmatic, given my predicament – I took a deck of slides from the admin (which details something irrelevant), and dumptrucked the whole thing to Gaylord, carbon copied all the useless managers in Company Y division ‘unwanted bastard child’. One of the program manager got fuming mad (because the presentation was his stuff), and protested with some single digit IQ remarks in shittier than elementary English, which I ignored. My boss – FuckChicken – on the other hand, felt a sting up his self inflated pride and made an effort to put up an additional slide to control the damage, which comprises of only 3 sentences in large fonts (that made no sense) on Friday. (I think that slide actually made things worse… he could have sent out a picture of himself naked sucking a cactus, it wouldn’t have been that bad…)

Today, FuckChicken summoned me into his office and he gloated over the fact the he ‘had to’ work hard to come out with a ‘STRATEGY PLAN FOR ME’ (again, the slide with 3 short sentences with wrong syntax) and reproached me for not being able to ‘carry out my duty’. I was very close to grab his throat and pummel his face into the back of his skull, but I remained calm and composed throughout – slowly plotting a plan to leave this fucked up organization. Division ‘unwanted bastard child’. Psssshhhh.

michaelooi  | work shit  | Comments Off
March 11, 2012

gold rush

I was with a bunch of relatives the other day, in this town I’d never been before, to have lunch. One of the guys knew a place which he claimed to be ‘one of the best’ seafood joint he had been, and we traveled all the way there to verify his claim. But when I stepped into the joint, the first thing that caught my eye was a notice board adorned with pictures of someone who looked very familiar. It was Jason Yeoh, alias ‘Axian’ (roughly translates to ‘The Salty One’).

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” – that was my reaction.

If you do not know who is Axian, nevermind. I didn’t know him too, until this guy automatically inflated the price of one of my favorite stalls in Penang by just visiting it. That was when I had to ask, “Just who the fuck is this Axian guy??” Well, he’s actually some sort of host for a TV program in Astro (or something like that). When he visits a stall, shit would literally turn to gold, and people would just flock there like there’s a gold rush. Because of the sudden influx of demand, the price of food at the ‘blessed by Axian’ stall/joint will inflate steeply. It has happened to a few places in Penang before. 2 of them were joints which I frequented.

This my friend, is what I call “spoil the market”. Greed is the nature of men. When a man gets free publicity and praise, he gets cocky, raises his price and loses his guard. Of what is good will soon turn bad because the man thinks he’s at the top of his game and he’s invincible. And when the man reaches the top (or so he thinks), the only direction to go from there is down. A man needs a carrot to dangle in front of him to keep going, giving him the carrot will render him static. The carrot will ruin his shit, because he has stopped running.

That’s why when I see Axian’s face plastered on a wall of a joint somewhere, I’d avoid it like a plague, for I know… it’s going to be expensive there and the food is going start suck from then on.

(about the seafood in the strange town, it wasn’t really that good. It was only mediocre at best. That goes on to show that this Axian fever is grossly overhyped and you people should fucking get a life).

michaelooi  | thoughts  | Comments Off
March 4, 2012

chemo vs Company Y

Why I think working in Company Y is worse than going through a chemotherapy session…

– Going through chemo, even though sucks, is actually a treatment. It shrinks cancer cells. Working in Company Y, is a suffering. It causes stress, depression and most likely to cause cancer.

– A chemo session is administered lying down, typically a whole day event. It’s shitty yes, but you get to rest. Working in Company Y is administered standing, with my derriere bent outwards, getting scores of anal penetration from behind, typically a whole day event – and I don’t get to rest.

– A patient undergoing chemo is given diet food that makes the patient feel less shitty. An employee in Company Y is given stale, tasteless and shitty food that fucks his health up.

– A cancer patient gets a lot of support from around during chemo. A dying employee at Company Y struggling to meet schedule and dateline gets sidelined and ignored by every fucking one.

– You get hairloss and nausea from the chemical effect in a chemotherapy session. Hair usually grows back and nausea gone upon completion of the treatment. In Company Y, the nausea is immediate and airborne just by looking at my boss’ face. The hairloss comes from the stress. They (hairs) will never likely to grow back.

– You get poked with needles during a chemo session. You get stabbed with knives in the back in Company Y.

– An oncologist prescribing the dosage of chemo is a professional who is mostly likely to know what he is doing. A manager plotting the strategy of the department in Company Y, doesn’t know a fuck what he is doing and what he is there for.

– Surviving cancer and going through chemo alters one’s life in a positive way. Living through each day in Company Y makes me a more sadistic misanthrope who hates mankind even more.

I am super fucking depressed now.

michaelooi  | satirical shit  | Comments Off