October 21, 2011

do the v thing

What do most people do when they see an asswipe car parked haphazardly around their own car? They’d usually take a picture and facebook it to shame the perpetrator.

Not my style. Cause that won’t do a thing to the asswipe owner. Too easy for them, I’d say.

Me, I’d usually vandalize the car, and I’d encourage you people to do the same too (just don’t do it in front of your kids). Taking pictures are just gay. It won’t do jackshit except to gain some empathy from your closet gay friends. You must not let them off too easy. They need to learn the hard lesson of not to park like a consummate asshole. They beg to have their cars vandalized, and if we make it a trend, they will deign to give a fuck about parking properly the next time.

Yesterday, a car parked too close to mine. Left just barely a foot’s space for me to get in my car. That was totally uncalled for, because my car was in the lot and there was plenty of space left on the other side. I had to squeeze myself in, nearly busted my own balls doing that. But of course, the owner had to pay for causing me such a pain, I made sure of that. I fucking ripped its side mirror off with my bare hands. Luckily, there wasn’t any scratch or dent on my car. Had there been one, I would have ripped both its mirrors off, and made all his 4 tires prematurely expired. Maybe even a windscreen job.

An ex-neighbor also once had the same thing from me. Remember the asshole who put a note on my mom’s car? The next few months following the incident, I did some Mythbuster shit on his car. I debunked some myth on various claims of chemicals that would affect the paintjob and his car came in quite handy. Eg. I found out that Rain-X won’t actually cause blisters, but just mild discoloration – I tested it on his car. And oh, it won’t spoil the rubber too. Though he didn’t quite recover from being an asshole from the unfortunate events that had befallen on his car, it was fun for me while it lasted. He moved away last year and I lost my experiments.

Anyway, the point is, don’t just do nothing when people double park you or left your car some dents. Give those assholes something in return. Vandalize their car.

michaelooi  | traffic shit  | 

6 Comments to “do the v thing”

  1. kumar says:

    Good stuff, man. I never bust my balls squeezing into my car when someone has parked too close to me. I just open my door as hard as I can against the other car’s door, making sure it leave a nice sexy dent. Aaah, the advantages of driving a 10+ year old continental car :)

  2. Feizal says:

    Dude…nice move..

    Few weeks back I was in GH in KL. Parking there is messed up, so its normal for people to park infront of you, but would considerately leave their handbrakes down so we can push….’m fine with that.

    However, the one stupid fuck who parked infront of me did leave their handbrakes down, BUT left their gear in P… So its just as bad as not putting down their handbrakes..Asswipe

    After waiting for an hour (it was noon, sun was proudly blazing, my wife and kid in the car) a makcik and her other makcik friend, happily laughing while walking to the car… and didn’t even notice me staring them with murder eyes..

    Just as they they pulled the door lever, I jumped the driver like an angry gorilla, and screamed my lungs out.. I’ve never ever used so many swearwords in 2 minuts so creatively with a pinch of loud sarcasm…

    The driver looked dumbfucked, and scared stupid and most importantly embarassed.

    Anyway, thanks for being my inspiration for rage.

    Cheers bro (I’ve left Penang mid of this year and transferred back to KL to be with the fam.. Gonna miss it)

  3. Feizal says:

    By the way.. Kumar… your method is classic.. Too bad if i do that to my local car, my door would probably be dented as well..

  4. Reader says:

    The Condo next to mine has a huge empty ground opposite their Condo for everyone to park. But those lazy assholes just like to park on both sides of the road instead of park it on the empty ground, resulting the road can barely squeeze and fit one car at a time.

    I was so tempted to run my bulldozer and give all of those car a some new designer tattoo on their car.

  5. PY says:

    True blue Malaysian. It’s not an act to be proud of though.

  6. Primrose says:

    Or can drive really slowly towards that ass car, listen out for that small thud, then continue pressing on the accelerator so that it will dent that ass car more than your own. Setback? There may be a dent on your own car too but I think I’ll happily get that fixed. Ahh, satisfied.

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