June 9, 2011

iPhone 2

I’m not done yet.

Just to give you guys an idea how ridiculous an iPhone is, let’s imagine if it were to be a car… an iCar…

1. The car’s hood of course, can’t be opened. You’d have to send in to the Apple workshop to get it serviced or repaired if it breaks down (and must be towed by an Apple tow truck).

2. The car’s undercarriage is made of glass.

3. It comes in only 1 color variant – Black. The company’s going to release the White colored version soon, but it will be like, 20 mm higher and 5 mm wider, despite having the same spec as the Black version.

4. The car is compatible with Apple tires only, which is 200% more expensive. Other tires won’t fit.

5. The car’s radio won’t tune to conventional FM wave. It will only tune to iRadio, which will cost you $1.99 per day.

6. The car has ABS, but it will only activate on paved, flat road, and under the speed of 50 kph.

7. If you open the front passenger door before any other doors, the car won’t start and would jerk violently. It’s a bug that is fixable by installing a set of bolt lock from the inside to prevent someone from opening the door.

8. The car’s air con, stereo and ignition are killed with the same and only button – which will break down after a period of about 1 year, due to accumulation of dust on its contacts.

9. Normal gasoline nozzles won’t fit in to the car’s fuel tank opening because it is deliberately made a few sizes smaller than conventional ones (for some fucked up reasons).

10. The car has this self-proclaimed intelligent GPS navigation system that totally thinks you’re going to the opposite direction all the time.

11. If you park the car in a certain way, the windscreen will crack by itself and you’ll have to send it to the Apple workshop (not before towing it with an Apple tow truck).

12. The reverse sensor only works if there’s a wifi signal within range.

michaelooi  | satirical shit  | 

9 Comments to “iPhone 2”

  1. myles says:

    hands up to agree. I-phone sucks, only no-brainers will get it.

  2. waterjunk says:

    i don’t think you can even DRIVE this iCar by yourself.

  3. ck says:

    All true, but I still love my iPhone.

  4. Rodney says:

    You’ve missed a few things about the iCar

    1) It comes with quadruple air con, but can only be set on or off
    2) You can fit in with all the hello kitty stickers and dolls.. provided it is authorized by apple..
    3) It comes with the most awesome 20L W24 Engine with 0-100km/h in 1 second. However when you try to drive it, it will always crash. This is because you are driving it wrong!

  5. EinsamSoldat says:

    Apple’s adults pleasure product the iFuck.

  6. ahsiang says:

    Apple fanatic always think that the World is rules by Steve Jobs. Please la, open up your eye.

  7. Reader says:

    One thing I couldn’t understand is people would queue up days for days in front of Apple store just to be the first one to get an unknown device, which they may not even know what is it and may not need it in the first place.

  8. Ah Ba says:

    Agree with Reader.

    I mean, I can understand if you queue up to get your hands on a limited edition (like only 10 in the whole world) sports car, cos you’ll be the 0.01% of the 0.01% of the world’s filthy richest people who own one. Fine.

    But what’s the point of you being the first one in a line with 5000 people right up your ass and 50 million more in the world? But if you must, congrats on being the only person who owns a new iPhone/iWhatever for that 0.1 second. Pfft.

  9. nothing is perfect. apple is still cool with angry bird~

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