Archive for June, 2011

June 23, 2011

“I Saw The Devil” (2011)

Honestly, I never dig Korean movies. I’ve watched some before, and they all suck donkey cock. Too fucking emo and shit. But not this one. “I Saw The Devil”, is da bomb. This flick leaves very little room for boring scripts and tales, but instead, packed with lots of action and gore. And believe me, the gore level is so realistic, that it made me cringe (and it’s really hard to make me cringe). It’s brutal, it’s straight to the point and it doesn’t pretend to be something else. Kinda made all the slashers of the 21st century look like Saturday morning cartoons. It’s THAT fucking good.

And because it is a Korean movie, it has to have some emo parts too. But it is in an appropriate level and not too annoying for me. Judging from the crapload amount of blood, torture and brutal hackings, I could make do of some tear shedding and snow flakes. The plot’s also unique too. It is about the good side being on the bad side, and the bad in the pity spotlight. Confusing yeah, and that’s what makes the whole experience of watching this flick so wonderful. The cinematography is also a gem too. One can almost instantly tell that a lot of effort has been put to make the scenes look as good as it can be. The whole package is simply a masterpiece.

The only grouse I would probably have is the toughness of people in the plots, which in my opinion, isn’t really logical. Like, if you get clobbered in the head or stabbed in the jugular for like, 4 – 5 times successively, chances are high that you’re gonna wind up dead from the loss of blood or trauma, if not fall into coma for a few days. But then in this flick, the people would survive and sober up enough to endure another round of torture by the antagonist. I know Korean cars are tough, but are the people proportionately the same too? Oh well, anyway, it wouldn’t have been that fun had the victims died in every first attack.

I’d give this flick an 8 out of 10 in awesomeness, highest I’ve ever given for an Asian flick. Go watch it. It’s good.

michaelooi  | movie reviews  | 7 Comments
June 14, 2011

thermometer

A male colleague and I were having a guy talk in my workplace today. He was telling me how a friend of his married a hot ass Vietnamese graduate in Singapore. That was when I told him about my opinion on common stereotyping that is plaguing our society today

Me: “You know, I’m happy for your friend and all but, I’m afraid when people hear about someone hitching a Vietnamese wife, the first thing that comes to mind is usually ‘mail order bride’. Graduate or not. It’s sad, really.”

Colleague: “That is true.”

Me: “But on the other hand, if you hitch a white chick, everyone’s going to congratulate you like you’ve just earned a credit for your ancestor, even if the white chick’s a whore.”

Colleague: “Yeah man, white chicks are trash. Divorce is very common for them. Have you heard what happened to that ‘thermometer’ guy?”

Me: [confused] “I’m sorry, the thermometer guy? Who’s that?”

Colleague: “You don’t know the ‘thermometer’ guy? That guy, Anwar?”

Me: “No I don’t think I know him. Is he your supplier or something?”

Colleague: “You don’t know meh? The governor of California?”

That was when the picture of this guy came pouring in like a wall of tsunami, followed by a violent compulsion of wanting to hurl on him from the retch of laughing too hard.

Me: “HAHHH AGHAHHH HAAA *cough* HAAAAAAHHH! It’s TERMINATOR LAHHH you fuck!! AHAHHH!”

I almost died laughing.

I reckon if there’s an Anwar who stars in movie called ‘Thermometer’, the thermometer’s going to be the rectal type…

michaelooi  | dialogs  | 7 Comments
June 9, 2011

iPhone 2

I’m not done yet.

Just to give you guys an idea how ridiculous an iPhone is, let’s imagine if it were to be a car… an iCar…

1. The car’s hood of course, can’t be opened. You’d have to send in to the Apple workshop to get it serviced or repaired if it breaks down (and must be towed by an Apple tow truck).

2. The car’s undercarriage is made of glass.

3. It comes in only 1 color variant – Black. The company’s going to release the White colored version soon, but it will be like, 20 mm higher and 5 mm wider, despite having the same spec as the Black version.

4. The car is compatible with Apple tires only, which is 200% more expensive. Other tires won’t fit.

5. The car’s radio won’t tune to conventional FM wave. It will only tune to iRadio, which will cost you $1.99 per day.

6. The car has ABS, but it will only activate on paved, flat road, and under the speed of 50 kph.

7. If you open the front passenger door before any other doors, the car won’t start and would jerk violently. It’s a bug that is fixable by installing a set of bolt lock from the inside to prevent someone from opening the door.

8. The car’s air con, stereo and ignition are killed with the same and only button – which will break down after a period of about 1 year, due to accumulation of dust on its contacts.

9. Normal gasoline nozzles won’t fit in to the car’s fuel tank opening because it is deliberately made a few sizes smaller than conventional ones (for some fucked up reasons).

10. The car has this self-proclaimed intelligent GPS navigation system that totally thinks you’re going to the opposite direction all the time.

11. If you park the car in a certain way, the windscreen will crack by itself and you’ll have to send it to the Apple workshop (not before towing it with an Apple tow truck).

12. The reverse sensor only works if there’s a wifi signal within range.

michaelooi  | satirical shit  | 9 Comments
June 8, 2011

iPhone

You know, when I first bought my Android smart phone (that was almost a year ago), many people got concerned. They’d ask, why didn’t you get an iPhone?? Like I had made the worst decision there ever was, and I’m gonna die a virgin. When I tried to explain, none of my words would make any sense to these people whom I’d refer as ‘Apple fanatics’.

“But you should have gotten an iPhone! It’s awesome!”

Why an iPhone? No they can’t explain objectively. But they’d give the same fucked up reaction of why I didn’t get an iPhone. It’s almost like, they were voodoofied by some chicken shit black magic. So since I can’t verbally explain why I didn’t get an iPhone, I decided to write it out instead, and let there be a written documentation for our future generation to read about…

7 reasons why I didn’t get an iPhone :

1. It uses micro SIM card. That means, in the event that my iPhone gets toasted, I can’t use that micro SIM card on other normal phones. Other normal phones do not use a micro SIM card. Micro SIM card is fucked up and useless. My android phone uses a normal SIM card, so I do not get that problem.

2. If the battery goes dead on an iPhone, the whole things gets sent in for repair. It’s almost like, having a car with a sealed engine hood – which you’d need to send to Japan every time its battery goes dead. It’s a no brainer. I can have as many batteries as I want with my Android.

3. I can’t use any third party contraband bluetooth headphone with an iPhone. I have to buy one from Apple. That means, this product has limitations. I can mate my Android phone with any contraband head set. It’s like given a choice to choose ‘useful’ and ‘useless’.

4. If I like a ringtone from a friend’s phone, I can’t have him/her to beam me a copy directly (not without some tricks) because an iPhone can’t share mp3 files. It’s like, needing to cheat your wife to have sex with you. It’s stupid. I don’t have such problems with my Android (for that matter, even normal ‘non-smart’ phones).

5. An iPhone is boring. An android can add widgets and customize the screen like nobody’s business. I can’t do that with iPhone. With an iPhone, I’m stuck with the same shit every day.

6. Every la-la girl and douchebag owns a fucking iPhone. It makes me feel inferior, cheap and dirty if I get an iPhone. It contradicts my nature of wanting to be unique, different and being a realist. I need a phone that is practical, not something to show off like a skank.

7. I don’t like iPhone. Period. Pretty much like why I don’t like the hordes of ugly fitches who camwhore and purse their lips all the fucking time. When I think of iPhone, I think of them. So, fuck iPhone.

There.

michaelooi  | rantings  | 16 Comments