Archive for March, 2011

March 31, 2011


I wrote about a certain person called Nosferatu in Company Y some time ago. The ugly as shit fetishist who gives everyone a hard time. There’s one thing that I forgot to mention about him – he’s a bachelor. Now, if you don’t already know about old people who’s still a bachelor – they’re known to be uber fucked up. If it’s an old bachelor woman, it will be like dealing directly with the devil. But let’s not talk about that.

Nosferatu, the fetishist who’s a bachelor. Just the other day, I was in a brainstorming session in the middle of the production line to solve a complex engineering escalation, the group kinda took a short detour off the topic to brainstorm about what is it that makes Nosferatu so damn fucked up. That was when the topic of him being an old bachelor douche came up. One of his chief engineers then said :

“People like him could never understand the grave situation when our kids are sick.”

True but, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. An old man who’s a bachelor, would have plenty of time to think about how to make things difficult for his employees, whilst people like you and me would be too busy interacting at home with our family to even think proper about what to do next at work. If the bachelor have an old mother living with him, then he’s going to be even worst. He’s going to be psychologically disturbed with all the years of stress-nagging. And the guy’s most likely sexually deprived too. Lack of love. There’s only so much masturbating could do for that fucker and he’s going to take it all out on whoever he chooses to dislike. People like his employees. Lack of love, full of nagging, plenty of time – it’s a concoction of all it takes to make one go loco, if not become a schizo.

I felt compelled to dole out some advice to the engineer, so I did it – “Dude, next time your kid’s sick, just tell him your car had a busted radiator. He probably would be more empathetic to that reason…”

Or just buy him a Vietnamese wife.

michaelooi  | characters  | 2 Comments
March 28, 2011

who the fuck cares?

I’ve had enough of this Anwar Ibrahim shit. I’m sick of seeing/hearing his name and the word ‘sex’ in the same sentence.
I don’t fucking understand why are there so many people so concerned about his private stuff.

Let me ask you this, which one of these would you choose to be your leader?

A) A virtuous vegetarian celibate who has never had a sexual experience before and an ardent supporter of Earth Hour – but totally suck at being a leader…

B) A womanizer who has fucked everything that moved before (except motorized vehicles) – but is totally awesome at being a leader…

I’m not implying that Anwar’s a good leader but I’m just trying to make this point – WHO THE FUCK CARES WHO/WHAT A STINKING POLITICIAN LIKES OR HOW HE LIKES IT?

We’ve heard conflicting accusations about him being gay and now being a whore hound. So what the fuck now? What has that got to do with anything??

Malaysian politics is just fucking sad.

michaelooi  | rantings  | 8 Comments
March 22, 2011

Siapa itu ‘Datuk T’?

Identiti kepada nama yang penuh misteri ini akan terbongkar di…

Nama samar: ‘Datuk T’

Nama sebenar: Laurence Tureaud

Umur: Tak boleh cakap

Tinggi: Kira-kira enam kaki

Berat: Kira-kira seratus botol air oren Mirinda satu liter

Tanam chachar: Tidak pernah

Pekerjaan: Bekas peninju profesional. Sekarang menganggur.

Hobi: Menumbuk anjing, mengumpul barang kemas tiruan, tangkap video lucah orang lain.

Pasukan bola sepak yg paling gemar: Blackburn Rovers

Pelakon wanita yg paling gemar: Papillon Soo Soo, Maria Ozawa, Akira Fubuki, Anna Ohura, Azumi Kawashima, dll.

Pelakon lelaki yg paling gemar: Christopher Walken, Jason Statham, Dwayne Johnson, Aaron Kwok

Makanan yg paling gemar: ‘too boh sui’, koay teow goreng tak mau taugeh, mee segera perisa asam laksa berjenama Cintan.

Minuman yg paling gemar: 932

Pencapaian yang paling cemerlang: Mengalahkan juara dunia Rocky Balboa pada tahun 1982, dan menerima anugerah Darjah Kepangkatan Yang Teramat Tinggi Sekali (DKYTTS) yang membawa gelaran ‘Datuk’ oleh Sultan Sulu untuk pencapaian ini.

Benda yg paling tidak suka: orang tengok rambut dia, jam tangan berjenama Omega kerana ia mengingatkan dia tentang seekor robot yang hodoh dalam rancangan Transformers.

michaelooi  | nonsense  | 2 Comments
March 21, 2011

fuck you, me and Earth Hour

Please launch your favorite browser, fire up Google and search for this – ‘Fuck Earth Hour’.

If for some reason you’re too fucked up and unable to do that, check out the screenshot of the result below…

Awesome, isn’t it?

Now who would have thought, that there are so many pathetic dumb fucking asses at this very century, this very maturity, who think that the majestic art of turning shit old dinosaurs into light is a stupid boner? Our ancestors during the cave days would have traded their wives and all their precious animal hides for an hour worth of light without a second thought, and it would have been their ‘light hour’, and they would remember that hour for the rest of their lives.

Earth hour should be aptly renamed as Stupid hour.

michaelooi  | thoughts  | 11 Comments
March 13, 2011

tak boleh pakai

Saw this in TheStar today

Salon owner fined for letting employee wear ‘inappropriate’ blouse
KOTA BARU: A hair salon owner is fuming after she was issued a summons for allowing an employee to wear a three-quarter-sleeved blouse while on duty at her salon on March 6.

The owner, who declined to be named, said she was upset because her employee was washing a client’s hair when the Kota Baru Municipal Council enforcement officer raided her salon.

“I would not mind paying the fine if my employee was not wearing a headscarf, which is a violation of the business permit conditions, but it is ridiculous to issue a summons for wearing a three-quarter-sleeved shirt.

“She was washing my client’s hair and it would be messy if she was wearing a long-sleeved shirt,” she said.

The salon owner was issued a summons under the municipal Trade and Industry 1989 By-law.

She also accused the council of double standards as other establishments had workers who did not wear headscarves.

“Why only target my salon when the others clearly flout the law and should be issued with summonses?” she asked.

MCA central committee member Datuk Ti Lian Ker said the council’s action was “unconventional” and “unbecoming”.

“This is sending the wrong signal to the world about Malaysia,” he said, blaming the PAS-led Kelantan government for the actions of the council.

“Most people prefer to take the ‘easy way out’ for fear of repercussions from local authorities.

“This is not the first time that such a summon had been issued,” he said, adding that many often paid up because they did not want trouble with the local authorities.

Ti said this could also give the wrong impression that people were condoning such laws.

The Kelantan Government had recently come under heavy criticism after banning the sale of lottery tickets.

If you were to ask me what’s the most embarrassing thing about the opposition party, I’d say having PAS in it. We often find these PAS nincompoops do stupid things in the name of their religion, and put our country in a bad light. I understand that this PAS party is very ardent about their beliefs and shit but, really, isn’t this ‘going around to fine people for trivial stuff’ a bit ridiculous? Like, haven’t they got anything more important to do?

If you were to look at it my way, you’d see that this PAS party is against everything that has a connection to either one of these – money, looks and modernization. So in a way, if they were to be given a chance to run the government, they’d do everything in their power to regress the society backward, to become rustic, parochial and irrationally anal retentive bunch of shitfucks. The people will all dress the same color, grow a stupid goatee and smell like a clogged drain (the women on the other hand, will be reduced to wearing ponchos and reproduce domestically).

Looks like we haven’t got much choice nowadays… either BN, or Pakatan Rakyat. If your district only fields reps from BN and PAS, then you’re in for a tough choice. It’s like selecting to swallow a roach or a stink beetle. Makahai. Tak boleh pakai.

michaelooi  | snippets  | 12 Comments