February 9, 2011

Critter Annihilator

While I was having dinner at home with my wife, a big ass wasp came buzzing into our living room. Emily, as usual, reflexed by letting out an ear piercing shriek and started to convulse violently like she’s having Parkinson’s. Me on the other hand, didn’t give any fuck to the insect, for I know, it won’t escape the death grip of the one and only, Critter Annihilator – that was in vicinity.

The said Critter Annihilator was my biological mother. I don’t know why but, she likes to kill. So far, I have seen her kill everything except humans (not because I don’t believe it but because I haven’t seen her doing it). If someone were to tell me my mom’s a closet serial killer and she had also killed hundreds of people she found annoying enough, I’d believe it without an iota of doubt. She’s the physical manifestation of critters’ Death with a fly swatter in place of a scythe. She’s just one thin line away from being a real murderer.

Anyway, after hearing the panic shriek, my mom (who was on the couch watching the tv) sailed across the living room, grabbing a fly swatter at the same split second and… ok, I expected her to smack the living shit out of that wasp, but to our bewilderment, she gently pressed the swatter onto the wasp, whipped out a handkerchief, gently cupped the little shit into it and let it went free at the balcony.

My wife and I went – WTF JUST HAPPENED!? with a wide eyed expression. THAT’S NOT MY MOM!

And then the wasp flew back into our apartment, beckoning for its life to be taken away for the second time. My mom looked on forlornly at the insect (I really don’t know what the fuck’s wrong with her), and then the ceiling fan hit it and kinda crippled it a bit. I had to grab the swatter and finished the job.

So what the fuck happened to my mom? Was she possessed by the devil or something? Wait… shouldn’t it be the other way round? *confused x 50*

michaelooi  | experiences  | 

6 Comments to “Critter Annihilator”

  1. Nurseliew says:

    Chinese New Year my friend….. Taboo to kill. Don’t believed it just ask your mom…lol

  2. ahsiang says:

    agree with Nurseliew. A lot of people eat vege on first day of CNY. So dun kill, the fan killed it anyway. :P

  3. Arkane says:

    The King of Wasps appeared in her dream and told her to stop killing any critter she sees.

  4. mott says:

    hey..that’s how i catch flies..with a tissue paper.

    Then I drown those shits..because they all deserve to DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. danielle says:

    lol agree w Nurseliew..wait til chap goh meh has passed and you’ll find criterrminator back again

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