10 reasons why I think having a dog as pet is a bad idea.

1) Internal hygiene.
It is an unmistakable fact that a dog is a filthy animal. They eat their own shit, drool all the time and lick their own genitals. You wouldn’t know what kind of stuff they’re going to pick up from licking around, and use the same tongue/mouth to lick your face and your kid’s face. That’s just too fucked up for me.

2) External hygiene.
A dog is an animal. An animal is not civilized. Therefore, it is generally common for them to piss and shit anywhere they deem fit. That means, the place we call home, could very well be the toilet for our little four legged friend here. I can’t tolerate seeing shit and piss lying around the house. Sure enough, one may claim that dogs can be potty trained, but that claim is as dependable as claiming switching off the lights can save the Earth from exploding.

3) Odor.
Because dogs have hygiene problems, it is only logical that they have to stink. No matter how frequent you bathe a dog, it has that acrid odor. That wet rug odor that makes me just want to keel over. It’s mind boggling how some people would bitch so much about someone else having a B.O., but none of them would complain about having a fucking dog that stinks at home. To me, a dog’s worst than a Bangla.

4) Noise.
A dog’s bark is the second most annoying sound in the world, and a dog likes to fucking bark. I’d hate to imagine having to come home after a late night out with my friends, to come home to my pet canine – whom I feed everyday – barking excitedly, waking everyone up and pissing my neighbors off.

5) Bad fengshui.
In almost all cultures known to me, a dog is often associated with shady and negative characters (lap dog, stinking dog, dog eat dog, etc). If we Chinese believe in taboos such as having numbers that rhyme with wealth and luck would bring good returns, why the fuck would they rear an animal with such reputation?? Isn’t that contradictory?

6) Cruelty
A dog, no matter how domesticated it is, when confined to a home with limited space without freedom, is a sad animal. It’s like sitting in a prison, waiting to be fed and go for a pointless walk everyday. Just compare a wolf and a dog. A dog is the gay of a gay version of a wolf. How did you people change a cool animal such as a wolf into something like a poodle? That’s just cruel.

7) Responsibility
If your dog hurts or kills another person, you’re liable for prosecution. That’s like adding a free agent of absolute violence to your responsibility and putting a trust on an animal with no absolute purpose (not love, please. Spare that for your children/parents). That’s just fucking dumb.

8) Havoc
Dogs think they’re cute, thanks to you neurotic people who makes them think so. As a result of that, they often go around to wreak havoc doing stuff to please people. Chasing motor vehicles endangering lives, knock over little children with least regards, breaking stuff around the house, etc.

9) Stupidity
I always have the reservation when people say dogs are intelligent – they’re not. If they’re intelligent, they’d be doing our tax now. But what do they do? Maul newspapers, bark without reasons, etc. The most awesome thing that they can do is having a good sense of smell. But that’s not intelligent. That’s just being what they’re good at. (it’s like saying a chicken is intelligent because it can incubate an egg). Having a stupid animal at home is like inviting accidents to happen.

10) Libido
When a dog gets aroused or in heat (which happens like, 4000 – 5000 times a year), it will either try to run away or attract some runaway dogs (or worse, diseased stray dogs). Either case can’t be good for the owner for reasons too obvious to mention.

My daughter wanted to keep a dog, I had to say no.

It’s not that I hate dogs, but I hate to have one around the house as a pet.